The Real Law of Attraction

There are so many books promising love, success, money, fame and fortune, if we only follow the rules of these two laws. Given how much material can be found on these topics, one would think that a lot more of us would be a lot more successful. This is because all of these “proven methods” don’t mention a few things that will not only drastically change the outcome, but actually leave you in the exact same spot you found yourself in before you read the book, minus whatever money you spent on the “proven method.”

The Law of Attraction

Wouldn’t it be great if we could all find the love of our lives, our soul mate and life mate, by just following the instructions of a book? Oh, how we hope… and each time another discovery is made that tells us that this is now the real way of finding true love, because new scientific discoveries, as well as ancient truths from a magical book hidden under a rock in the Sahara desert, which carbon dated back 5,000 years ago, are definitely going to work… even for you!

The Law of Attraction does work! But what most “experts” fail to share is the minor detail that you attract who you are, and what you think of yourself! You just have to believe—and, of course, you have to know that you deserve. Just keep repeating the mantra of “I deserve.” It might actually finally get stuck… and backfire!

Why, you ask? A person with low self-esteem, a person who is negative and down on themselves, will usually not suddenly become confident by reading a book, period. Yes, everything is possible, but not by sitting on your butt and doing nothing! Changes require work, and usually hard work! So a person without a shred of confidence will usually repeat the mantra, but take it to a completely new level of extremism. This is when they start telling the whole world “darn it, I do deserve!” The previously sad rants then turn into narcissistic statements of how great they are… and how, sadly, no one recognizes it. Meanwhile, the love they are so desperately seeking stays hidden, because now they sound like desperate and still insecure tools, versus just being downers before.

If we are broken, we will usually attract others who are broken. If we are superficial, we will attract another, who is also superficial. The whole myth of opposites attracting is true for about one minute. Usually, opposites will drive each other crazy in the long run, and do not work out. And when I mean opposite, I mean truly opposite in character and being. Not something lame like different tastes in music or food!

Attracting true happiness has to always start with oneself and the willingness to grow, which means change. I’m a firm believer in therapy, but there are other ways as well. In order to attract what truly makes you happy, you have to first learn to be happy with yourself, knowing who you are and what you really want. Only when you know these things will you know what you truly deserve, without having to blast it from the rooftops.

The Law of Abundance

The same principal listed above also applies for this law. Hence, it is pretty difficult to achieve abundance! For example, when I lost my job, it was pretty hard to sit around and say to myself “don’t worry; you have abundance in your life. You’ll find something and you won’t lose everything you own over it.” The more time that went by, the harder it was to be “positive.” But I knew that if I started panicking or appearing desperate in job interviews, I’d just make my situation worse. But this is where it came in handy that I had done at least some of the work! I did know what I was worth and who I am, even though my foundation had become a bit shaky. I simply would not accept defeat. The thought of losing my home, my car or everything simply didn’t get any power from me. Oh yes, these thoughts occurred, but I would immediately stop myself in my tracks and do something productive, like writing. For some strange reason, maybe because I grew up in such poor conditions, money has not been a source of anxiety or fear in many years. Not because I am so well off, but because I won’t give power to the fear. And while I never became rich, I always had a roof over my head (a nice one), money to pay my car, buy clothes and eat the food I want.

The thing that no one likes to hear is that the life we are living is an immediate result of who we believe we are and what we think is possible. To become this person of Zen, the person who attracts others, in business and personal life, the one with the great friends, the nice things and the happy relationship, and the one who truly feels at peace with themselves and the world, one has to be willing to pay the price. And the price is work.

But I kept my eyes on the prize, and after a while it became a little easier. I started to attract completely different people and situations. But then, I no longer see myself the same way I did a mere year ago, not to mention two or three years ago. I can’t quite describe it, because I am still the same person—and yet, I am completely different. I can do and say things now that I never thought possible. With each passing day, the “new” me is getting stronger, while the old tapes in my head are slowly being overwritten and erased.

I do believe that both laws are accurate and will work. But boy, I never thought it would take that much hard work, dedication and will power to make them happen. So here’s your secret, free of charge. It’s also called “Common Sense.”

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18 thoughts on “The Real Law of Attraction

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  4. believerbeliever

    Bravo Carmen!!!

    What a wonderful article!
    You are a brilliant writer as you convey your message so effortlessly.
    I shall print this wondeful article and keep it on my dreamboard….it will surely come as a solid reminder to use my “common sense” 🙂

    Love & Blessings

    Reply
  5. velvetoversteel

    Carmen, you are absolutely right! My parents had the very same ‘issues’ and could have easily both.. made excuses for my life because of them or let the ‘genes’ lead me down the same paths of addition and unhappiness. It has taken nothing but hard work, determination along with a complete ‘mind set’ to have a better life, attitude, and ‘spirit’ for my own self. To give myself as well as my children a better life than I ever had growing up. & I did…. long before I even healed myself. Because I made a conscious choice to be happy, encouraging and supportive. Giving my children what I always wanted growing up.

    Anyone CAN overcome ‘genes’, their childhood, even family …. ;-).

    Carmen you are Amazing and a wonderful inspiration to me and anyone who reads your awesome posts!!

    HUGH HUG to you,
    Coreen @ VOS

    Reply
  6. Jennifer Spaelti

    It is really funny because I JUST found and am reading a book called “FEEL IT REAL”, by Denise Coates and this article is all about attracting what you desire. In my profile for face Book I wrote almost the same things that go for realationships and truly believe it is possible.

    Reply
  7. Carmen Hexe

    I’d like to respond to Unmei and Luiseg.

    I am with you, Unmei. I wrote the post from the same state. Having grown up in unimaginable horrors, having no one to stand for me and having been on my own since I was 17. Joy did not come natural to me, but just like you, I was tired one day of being miserable. I did a simple exercise and focused on all the great things I DID have. This included my friends, a roof, a mode of transportation and even without a job, I kept finding joy in what I called “mine.” I had also been with the same company for 7 1/2 years. I had gotten a promotion and an award in the same year I was laid off. But after I focused on the joys in life. I finally attracted what I REALLY wanted and needed, and I learned to know myself!

    @Luiseg: I understand what you are saying, but I disagree with you. I am actually in the process of writing a blog about genes and our genetic make up! I was born the daughter to an alcoholic father and a clinically depressed mother. Alcoholism, addiction and abuse runs in my family history for generations. I grew up in an environment that most cannot even fathom and we were so poor that there were times when my grandmother had to show up with bags of canned meat, so we had something to eat.
    I made a choice when I was merely in 2nd grade. I wanted to be an angel, AND I would never be like my parents. I took this to a whole new level and yes, hardwiring pushed me to attract losers, abusers, addicts and emotionally unavailable people for decades! But I chose to not continue the family cycle. There was no luck involved here, but hard work.
    Looking at yourself, when it is easier to blame your past and parents for crappy genes, was one of the hard lessons I had to learn. Doing the work, i.e. going to therapy, learning how to ask for help, trusting, believing in myself did not come to me by luck.
    I have seen people who are absolute jerks and have people eat out of their hands. But this is not true love, just a crazy dynamic, I feel, has absolutely nothing to do with love. The love I am talking about is a much deeper, purer form of true respect, kindness and care that has nothing to do with being a self-serving egomaniac, who orders others around.
    And to be fair, I do NOT know too many self-aware, truly self-aware! and evolved people who cannot find any love. Because if you do love yourself, you have a certain energy about you that draws people on all levels. When I dropped my attitude about being a victim, even though I WAS a victim as a child, when I stopped feeling sorry and focused on the things I didn’t have, when I decided I needed to do something, this is when the rest fell into place. Including meeting my soul-mate, to whom I am married to.

    Of course, this is my opinion and my experience, and I do not claim to be right. But I am firmly convinced that certain genetic traits can be overcome and that our past does not equal our future.

    Reply
  8. velvetoversteel

    Carmen, you so could have written this article as my biography! Great, great post! All of your article can help people, as you know. However this one has the very honest message of the need to ‘work’ at changing, growing, learning to be the person you can and want to be… in order to attract the types of people into your life that I think we all truly want.

    No one say, I really want to be friends with a negative person or date that guy with the low self esteem… but so often that is what we attract without even realizing it.

    I also love that you pointed out the attitude I refer to as the ‘entitlement attitdue’ that so many get from books, motivational seminars and unfortunately from T.V. and the media! I agree that this does much more damage than good for some people who take it to the extreme.

    Great job, Carmen!
    Big Hug & Many Blessings,
    Coreen

    Reply
  9. misskrystalmisskrystal

    wunderbar carmen! I love it.
    I am glad you are back writing again, too.
    Good to see you. Anyway, energy and how we use it— plays such a powerful role in our life.
    I feel bad for the folks who don’t believe that energy can shift, and that we, as people, have the ability to work with all kinds of energy……But of course, it depends if you are using the energy to your best and higher-self purpose….Sometimes, my callers will say, “How did you do that?” hehe- I am working with energy-If my clients are open, I can help them shift their energy as well as balance it in order to get better results in their lives….So your article rings very true to me.
    Soo glad to see you on here, I must say it, again… 🙂
    One of my fav’s on here…
    Huggies,
    Happy Halloween,
    Your psychic bud,
    Miss Krystal

    Reply
  10. Mary Colton

    Aloha all, I would like to comment mainly because this concept has been my primary area of study for several years now. To my understanding this is a law in physics and a universal law which aides in the organization of our world our selves our actions and reactions. We are constantly creating our realities either consiously or unconsiously through our thoughts and beliefs. The key is to recognize this and then be able to stay aware of what you are thinking and how this is affecting your future. It can be very challenging as the old programs we were raised with, negative belief systems and even the damage that may have occured throughout our life is very powerful and stubborn medicine. I believe the awareness of all of this is 80% of the sucess which we are seeking and the other 20% is the hard part, To Never Forget This, your goals to be happy, love yourself, change any negative thinking towards yourself or others and choose joy, choose to FEEL GOOD. Jerry and Ester Hicks explain, teach and share this philosophy in many magnificent books and DVD’s that describe, answer and articulate this theory in every scenario, approach and way possible to get this message through to all different learning styles and thinking types. The bottom line is that we attract the exact vibrational frequency that we omit. It is a blessing to have the others in our lifes mirror to us, who we are, at the time and even moreso a blessing that we can change this at any given moment we choose to do so. They use a term called “pivoting”, when you find yourself feeling bad this is a sign you are not going with the flow, you are causing resistance. Rather than spending your time analysing your negative feelings and therfore creating more negative feelings by the deliberate though and focus..you just immediately “pivot” your thinking to something, absolutely anything that makes you “FEEL GOOD”. This becomes second nature and effortless eventually and the more you “FEEL GOOD” well….the more you “FEEL GOOD” and the more this happens, the more you attract others that “FEEL GOOD” and vibrate there as well. It just continues exponentially, the good feelings. Hint: To master this thinking I personally had to live alone for some time and be able to focus on my thoughts, catch myself resisting and have the peace and lack of distraction of others to implement this discipline into my life and literally change the way I think. It takes effort, discipline and a sincere commitment to honesty with yourself for the cause, but it is so worth it. The easiest way to to implement this into your life is to vow to “Feel Good” as often and as much of the time as you possibly can and eventually that will be the dominant feeling.Thanks for letting me share my experience and perspective.
    Mary C. on the Kona Coast of the Big Island of Hawaii

    Reply
  11. cateyegirl2

    This morning I had no idea ,I would be reading something that would change my life. You are so right and true to your words. I too have lost my job and feeling lost, I was on that job for 7 years about to be 8. I am so worried about how I will make it, that it has consume me. Thinking and praying all the time. You have open me up to something different. I have to believe in me. I know who I am as a strong black woman, but I have forgotten that no weapon form against me shall prosper. I deserve to be happy, loved and satified with life, not the life that will chew you up and spit you out. But the life with joy and happiness. Thank you for your words of encouragement and wisdom. May God continue to bless you! Much Love.

    Reply
  12. louiseg

    There are two roads to improving things in your life and hard work is certainly one of them – to undo bad karma, to improve, to modify, to correct, to strengthen…. but that is all it can do. Yes take some responsibility for your life and for the state of things in your life and work on self to create better conditions – certainly that is a good thing for all of us to do and we will experience good consequences. However it can only take us so far. Why? Because we are not totally responsible for where we are in life. We are to some extent and that with hard work can be controlled, but we are also the children of our parents, there are so many factors which determine who we are and where we have very little control. Can you change your genes and the effects of your bringing? If your parents are quiet people who don’t like socialising and you were brought up and limiting conditions – can you grow up as an articulate speaker, a board director, and a go getter in general? It will take a lifetime to undo bad learning from childhood and turn it around. Whereas some people get these things right from the start. I’ve met lots of high flyers and all of them come from priviliged backgrounds where confidence is installed in them by default. And you look at them and think they are nothing special in terms of skills or abilities but their confidence is unshakable – confidence in themselves, in the world, in positive outcomes. If you are coming home to an alcoholic father and you don’t know whether you are getting your daily beating or whether you’ll get away for today – can you be blamed later in life that you don’t believe in abundance of good things??? I think all these articles on abundance and the Secret particularly are painting a ridiculous picture of responsibility, and an unrealistic picture of potential.

    An accurate understanding of reality should start with the following postulates: 1. People have different starts in life – in some confidence is installed by default, others chase after that elusive feeling of self content throughout their lifetime. 2. Some are eternally catching up and some have abundance without moving their little fingers let alone hard work…. 3. Love does not require any work – all it takes is to accept oneself for who you are to attract love. There are selfish, unattractive people who are loved and there are beautiful and pure people who are not loved. The more one aims towards perfection and improving themselves – the more love runs away from them. A lot of people are scared of quality and if you’ve got it written on your face – people will run away for fear of being inadequate and not living up to your standards. 4. To have abundance in business, to reach abundance in business you will experience a few false starts. The more priviliged your background and the more times you can get bailed out for your mistakes the more likely is that you’ll end up getting it right.

    Compare a poor person who invests their small savings in a business venture and the consequences of that going wrong. Now imagine a rich person with few spare thousands to experiment… One will be under pressure to get it right, the other one will be in ‘abundance’ frame of mind – Who is more likely to succeed? And do you see where the abundance state comes from? From abundance. It’s not impossible to turn things around but very very hard and not without luck and divine intervention. But don’t forget that divine intervention was involved to determine your start in life. So clearly it favours some and it doesn’t favour others. And also think of the people who do have abundance in their life – do you see them doing any spiritual work for it? All women I know who are in happy relationships say the same thing to me – they don’t know how they got there, it’s pure luck! Some of them can’t cook, clean or iron – their men do it for them, and they are on the phone to their partners all day demanding things from them… I’ve seen it – it does seem to pay off if you act deserving and keep demanding – if you don’t ask you don’t get. And the self improver, the self aware one, is visiting another singles night out…

    Reply
  13. unmei42

    Brilliant response Miss Carmen Hexe!
    And once again, in this instance I must say, I can totally relate.

    And in a like manner, I have to say, I never meant to imply this Law of attraction/HAPPY and JOYFUL thinking was easy! No way, nuh uh! It doesn’t just happen over-night, that’s for sure. In fact,
    I really only have about two memories from my past that I can conjure up and say, yep, they make me feel joyful inside. But hey, two is really all you need to start those manifestations. At least that’s what worked for me.
    To Illustrate:
    I was suicidal for many years, well, basically I wanted to die, from right “out of the box”. I had
    a rediculously miserable childhood filled with unimaginable horrors.
    Eventually, it led to a few botched attempts at teenage suicide and finally
    in my mid twenties, a good friend of mine, saved me, but not before I had a near death experience.
    It all turned out for the better. Even though I was miserable and suicidal my whole life, when I had that near daeth experience, I came back with a gift of seeing the dead. It made my life far more interesting, but I was still very miserable and occassionally wanted to die too. Eventually I just became tired of being
    so miserable. And I made a decision. It was a conscious decision. It had no connection to any events or
    anything other than what people had been telling me my whole life. People,(psychiatrists and friends,
    and self-help books etc) would always say things like: It’s all a state of mind. You can “choose” to
    be happy if you want to be, blah blah blah. Well, one day, I just up and CHOOSE to be happy.
    I decided that I didn’t need a man to be happy. I didn’t need a great job to be happy. I had
    a loving family and firends who were always there for me. I had a roof over my head and food to eat.
    I should be downright Jubilant!!! And the funny part is, as soon as those normal things started making
    me happy(by my choice), the things I always wanted( and thought I did NOT deserve)just basically lined up and started falling into my lap, one after the other.
    I just needed to stop stressing about what I didn’t have and what I thought I wanted and when I genuinely
    believed it, everything I always did want, but never thought I could have just landed in my life. I have to think it is because I started carrying that joyful feeling with me always. Every day was a new day
    to be thankful for what I had, and I BELIEVED IT.
    Even though, I didn’t have a soul-mate, or the perfect job, I had enough to keep me alive, and I realized THAT was enough to be joyful about.
    And now, two years after I changed my way of thinking to being joyful,
    I have that soul-mate, I have that perfect job and I don’t “want” anything, because I am always JOYFUL, with or without it.
    But I must say, I did go through several lifetimes worth of agony and pain and horror, before I finally
    just decided to be joyful. I only wish I had decided EARLIER!!If I had known in the 70s what I could have accomplished by just becoming Joyful, I would be helping people in a far greater capacity and would have saved myself and many others years of anguish and heartache.

    So please, don’t think I meant ANY of this Laws of Attraction stuff was easy! 🙂 I really, understand it’s not. I really do. It’s been a lifetime battle for me to reach this point, but this article had such a plain
    and simple way of wording things, I just had to write and give credit and thanks where it was due.
    It really helped me to be able to word my explanations better for future use.

    Also, bless everyone here for their great understanding and honest hearts.
    What a wonderful batch of loving comments. Best wishes to all.

    Reply
  14. Carmen Hexe

    Oh yes, how right all of you are. Energy is very, very important here. But due to the really bad experiences in my life, I was not able to hold joy and I was not able to truly feel happiness. The thought of “I do not deserve” was much more powerful than anything else.
    Also, after having so many bad recordings in my head for so many years, it was impossible for me to enjoy happiness! Even though no one wants to be miserable, it is still easier to do when you don’t know any better.
    It took me years and I am still learning hard. In typical Virgo fashion, I chose to do it all at once: work out, go on a diet, quit smoking, start therapy and find my path again. I am learning things about myself I never really knew and I am starting to see the world and the people in it, so much clearer than ever before. And yet, I have less judgment and less resentment than when I saw people through the destorted view if “why? Why are people so mean and selfish.”

    Also, I have read “The Secret,” and was really turned off by their interpretation of the laws of the universe. To tell a person who was diagnosed with cancer that it was something they did was not only ludicrious to me, but flat out ridiculous. Sometimes bad things happen to good people and sometimes good things happen to bad people. But at the end of the day, we do have a lot more power and control over our own lives, if we are willing to first point the finger at ourselves, versus another.

    Love and Light, my friends 😀

    Reply
  15. unmei42

    Hi Carmen. I had to comment on your article, because I think it s the best definition of manifestation
    I have seen yet. Even “The Secret” in video or book form didn’t quite verbalize the message as well as you did on a certain factor involved:
    “a person without a shred of confidence will usually repeat the mantra, but take it to a completely new level of extremism. This is when they start telling the whole world “darn it, I do deserve!” The previously sad rants then turn into narcissistic statements of how great they are… and how, sadly, no one recognizes it. ”

    That statement places in simple terms what I have been trying to explain to everyone about the Law
    of Attraction, since this whole “manifestation” fad began. The only thing I might add to your comment there is :

    Along with changing that self-deprecating type of thinking(while avoiding the narcissistic opposite) goes an emotional “feeling”, which is linked to a chemical reaction in the brain. To create the correct way of thinking, you can think of something that makes you truly joyous… say for instance, how you felt when you
    got married, or how you felt when you saw your child hit their first home run and they had to come
    right over to you and hug you and tell you about it. That happiness feeling comes to all people in all different ways, but the chemical reaction in the brain is the same. When you feel that type of JOY, that sensation is created by a physical chemical in the brain and that JOY is the right way to feel when concentrating on manifesting what it is you want to receive. If you can constantly, re-create that joyful feeling while picturing what it is you need, you can have almost instant results. In fact, sometimes, for myself the results are instant.
    Thank you Carmen for giving me a helpful way of furthering that point.

    Also, I completely understand your statement of:
    “I am still the same person—and yet, I am completely different. ”

    That is absolutely true in my life as well. I changed into the peaceful, confident person I have
    become by avoiding the narcissim, while over-coming that lack of self esteem I had that was blocking my manefestations.

    I am the same, yet completely changed. I think in my case it has to do with morals, values
    and basic principles in this existence. Those principles are all the same in me, but the physical, and
    emotional self-worth, have been altered so that I may be a more helpful person to others, by
    realizing, my actual self-worth. It is a very circular and reciprocal process. I can be more helpful to
    others if I am helpful to myself. The best part of it all though, is how peaceful it is at the
    center of this understanding. Once you find that place of complete contentedness, it is so calm.
    And all issues are so easy to look at and resolve. It is a true blessing.

    Once again thank you for your incredible insight into how to voice that portion of the Law of Attraction,
    and thank you for the opportunity to comment here.

    Be well and Happy.

    Reply
  16. Jacqueline

    Hi Carmen,
    Oh I love your article, I could not agree with you more, it is work, when you are trying to manifest a great life, then only to realize that perhaps I need to switch a few things with in myself, sometimes this can be surprising, also shocking that, of course I’m not perfect…. habits can too be difficult to break, but “WOW” so worth it.

    One thing also that I have seen is that energy plays a huge roll in bringing forth the desires into your life, to manifest it is extremely important to move through your past/present issues, but create balance is too extremely crucial, otherwise your energy and the energy in your environment is scattered and cannot work for you, so once you work through your personal issues, you create balance, so then, you work on creating balance around you, then all that you have been trying to manifest can flow in, with no obstructions.

    Blessings and Big Hugs!
    Jacqueline x9472

    Reply
  17. hern

    This is what I have been trying to teach all along. You can’t attract what you don’t own. All you need is a little piece of what you want, and with hard work and positive expectations, you will make it happen. The process is different for everyone, so use the books you read as a guideline, not the definitive way. Education is an important factor, but the work is what makes it happen.

    Blessings

    Hern
    5239

    Reply
  18. Gina Rose ext.9500Gina Rose ext.9500

    Hi Carmen,

    Well, you did it again…..in fact I think this made my top 10 favorite articles so far to date.

    There was a sentence in your article that I especially liked about not giving in to fear and giving up your power. This is so true!!!!!!! Fear is the biggest ” crippler ” there is for an individual.

    As a professional psychic of 45 years, I’ve always tried to empower my clients to be the best person that they can possibly be, to take back control of their lives, so as to get the most out of this incarnation…and of course, somewhere in that process…. to find true peace and happiness.

    Well done Carmen !!!!! You go girl! I’m glad you are back & writing your articles again.

    Blessed Be )O(
    Gina Rose ext.9500

    Reply

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