Red Responds: Can She Go Home?

Maria in Loma Linda writes:

I moved to Southern California after being a housewife for eight years to finish up my graduate program and start a new life again after my divorce. Now I am about to graduate at 40 years old without any security, income or savings. I pray I get hired and am able to go back home, however, with this economy I am skeptical. So I applied to a Ph. D. program. In addition, back at home I started a relationship with a man that I thought would have ended by now because it began as purely physical. To my surprise our relationship has developed into a strong friendship and my feelings for him are stronger now than when I left. Will I be able to return home and will this relationship develop?

Dear Maria,

Congratulations to you for following through with your educational aspirations. It is awesome that you are taking the time, and risks, to invest in yourself.

You will find work, but not necessarily in your hometown. I see you staying in Southern California for roughly another two years before you will make any major logistical moves, but when you do move, it will be because of a career opportunity.

Your friendship with this man is going to remain intact, but the romantic angle is going to continue to be challenged by logistics. After all the time, effort, and energy you have put into your education to create a solid career and financial foundation, you will choose to go with the best work option rather than settling for a job back home. While this will present a challenge for the growth of this relationship, your man will ultimately be one of your greatest supporters. So, while you may not have the pleasure of being together physically on a regular basis, you will manage to maintain a long-distance romance. I know it may seem less than ideal, but that doesn’t mean that it isn’t workable.

Eventually, with some work experience under your belt and a changing economy, there will be the option for you to find a position in your field closer to home, but not necessarily in your hometown. However, your guy just may surprise you. It looks like he’ll be willing, and the structure of his life will enable him to meet you more than half-way. The only catch here, is you. While you may be dreaming of a time when the two of you can be together as a couple, life is still moving forward. You will meet, and like, another man who will bring you to a crossroads. It is less of a decision between men, and more of a decision of quantity or quality. There really aren’t any bad decisions here, only two very viable options. If you are willing to wait and work toward being with your current fellow, it will come to pass. But, if you want a relationship that is more accessible, you have the option of building a life with someone new.

Either way, you will achieve the goals you have set forth. You will have a lucrative career that creates the financial stability you envision, and a partner with whom to share your life. You are fortunate that you have two paths to happiness that are unfolding, but which path you take is going to be completely up to you.

Good luck!
Ext. 9226

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