Heather Y from Naperville asks:
I’m forty-two years old, and hadn’t had any serious relationships in my life until I met this guy last year. We had a long distance relationship, and things were going very well. He was the one I always dreamt of, and I couldn’t believe that all the notes I wrote about my “future husband” were really happening. He said he felt the same way. We shared dreams and pictures for a future together, and talked about marriage, kids and family. Everything was going well. In August, I was going to meet his mother. One day before the visit, he called to cancel the trip. His mother was very shocked and upset that he didn’t tell her about our relationship for the past year. I canceled the trip, but wasn’t happy. We had some serious conversations over the phone. Then, that was it. Although I tried to recover the whole thing, he said he needed more time. I let him have the time he wanted. However, after two and a half months without any contact from him, I was getting frustrated and decided to finish it. So, I sent him an email expressing how I was feeling, how much I was thankful to him for what we did together and that we need to move on. I thought I could do it. However, I realize that I’m still waiting for him, and keep thinking about what if I didn’t write the letter? I keep wondering if he would come back – even after the e-mail – or did I ruin everything already? Red, should I just move on and forget about him? Is there any chance that he will come back even after he reads that e-mail? I have not heard anything from him since I sent that email. What’s going on with him? Even if we get together again and restart this relationship, will I have to deal with these long periods of silence again and again? I’m really confused and lost. Please help. Thank you.
Psychic Red ext. 9226 Responds:
Your ex-boyfriend needs more time to figure things out and to mature. I’m afraid he’s going to need more time than you’ll be able to give him. In theory, he was ready to have the relationship the two of you were working toward; but in reality, he isn’t ready to uphold the changes and responsibilities of being that closely involved with a woman. Almost as if to add insult to injury, he has a very strange but powerful connection with his mother. Their relationship, sadly, will continue to overshadow the relationship he would like to have with you.
You didn’t ruin anything; you would still be waiting for your ex whether or not you sent the email. It really has very little impact on your current situation, or the evolution of your future. By the time your boyfriend is mentally and emotionally capable of embracing you, and standing up to his mother, it will be too late.
You will, however, have an opportunity to gain closure with this relationship. It looks as if your ex will be reaching out to you in February. He will mainly be trying to figure out whether or not you still care for him, and to ask for more time. While you may initially find yourself uncertain but pleased with the reconnection, your frustration with him and the whole situation is going to propel you forward in your own life.
Even though at this moment your heart is bound, your head has the right idea. Continue moving forward in your life and being open to other relationship possibilities. It is going to take time for you to heal and to let go of your love and pain of the past, but it will get easier.
Think of your ex as a light that shone into your life as validation that you can find what you’ve always dreamed of. Even though things won’t work out with him, your vision of the future doesn’t have to change. I do see that you will marry and have a family. You will have the happiness you currently feel is out of reach. Your Mr. Right is out there, and he will be the husband and partner you thought you were getting with your ex. It’s just going to take a little time, and the artful touch of a local dating agency or service.
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