Red Responds: Should You Break Up or Take a Break?

Will We Rebound?

Christina from Downey asks:

I’m thinking of leaving my current relationship of almost 12 years, if I do, do you see us back together?

Dear Christina,

It looks as if you and your partner have some very strong ties that will continue to bind you together. And, there is actually a lot of love there, too! Whether you like it or not, I believe you know that you really are with your soulmate.

If you choose to leave, to take a break, yes – the two of you will reunite. However, before you decide to take this flight of freedom you are pondering, I want you to be aware that this action will set in motion a cycle of events that will repeat. While a break will help to correct some of the issues you have been having on the surface, and your partner would see it as a “wake up call,” things won’t be as simple as some time apart, then back together, happily moving forward. Nope. Instead, you would be creating what appears to be a fairly significant off-and-on pattern. This pattern will ultimately make things more challenging; creating deeper levels of pain and resentment, and also heighten some control issues within each of you.

If you choose to implement a break-up, I suggest you seriously consider enforcing that decision into something more permanent. This way, each of you can hurt, heal, and eventually move on and find love and happiness with different partners.

Rather than play the on-and-off power game, your best course of action really does look like working through your issues with your partner. Brace yourself, because things will not necessarily go easy – there will be some fighting and hurt feelings. But, this type of discord ultimately can lead to new boundaries, the redefining of roles and expectations, and an over-all stronger foundation and more loving relationship.

Brightest Blessings,


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6 thoughts on “Red Responds: Should You Break Up or Take a Break?

  1. Tara Goodwin

    A couple of months ago I went through a break up. He told me he wanted some space and time. I want to respect what he is asking for if there is a chance we would get back together rather than trying to move on. Do you see a chance of us getting back together?

  2. Blondie

    I’ve been talking to this guy for 2 months via internet. Although I’ve never met him, he appears to be perfect for me. Now, am I wasting my time or should I pursue the relationship?

  3. Natasha

    Hello,Me and My boyfriend of 8 years broke up.He broke it off due to some problems through the years,Me not going to school nor holding a job,I have had problems at those jobs and he didnt see that also had lost my sister my mother my father to death and feel succeeding is against me.. Dont get me wrong I should do well I just feel like doesnt want me too! So I miss him so much he thinks we should keep distant but still says he misses me and loves me.I hope over time we can work on things I cant lose anyone else 🙁

    Thank You

  4. Lynn Rose

    Red, it’s me again. I wrote you some time ago about my “unusual” relationship with my soul mate of both past and present. This affair with her will celebrate or suffer it’s 13th year this month on the 24th. After 6-8 weekends of unbridled fun and love, she “officially” said it;s over…. AGAIN! This happens 2-3 times a year. The longest break was 8 months, that was in year 6-7. On average these breaks range from 3-4 to 6-7 weeks. Always made by her. Most of the time in September or October. Started back up in Feb. or March. (March 26 is my birthday and Feb 8, hers). I surmise I’m to much for her if she has family obligations during the holidays. Her husband has known about me since week 6. He’s 65, she’s 52 and I’m 54. She stays weekends and everything from the sexual to the physiological part of this thing has got better from day 1 to year 13. I’ve looked for other affairs like ours and can’t find any help in understanding what her and I have. He has the money and seems to have a father-like control over her. He’s not sexual, at least not since year 1.5 of their 20 year marriage. Can you shed light (any light) you have or “feel” about were her and I are going in the future. If I knew she would be happy. I would not return to her when she calls and says, “I just can’t live without you, no matter what I try.” I’ve always had the door open for her. She’s my best friend and she say’s the same. Money and the sense she would loose what she’s work for and made seems the reason for not divorcing. Along with the fact he would make noise and embarrass her at work, with family and friends. She’s very sensitive with all cases about what people would think. PLEASE give me “something” to think about. Either direction. Peace and Happiness!

  5. Brenda

    My marriage has been very rocky the last couple of years. Things have changed my views on us. Do you see us together or moving on?


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