A woman’s future is disappearing quickly. Her husband has an abuse and addiction problem, but she can’t cut him loose, and her adult children are distant. Red shares her thoughts on this woman’s predicament.
Susan from Quogue asks:
I am a youthful, long-in-the-tooth (60), serial monogamist who has been long married to a verbally-turned-physically abusive male. He is also an immature, cheating, recovering drug addict, and I am having the most difficult of times severing ties. I have lost all that is dear, including relationships with 2 of my 3 now adult children and my lifetime’s financial possessions. I am also very worried about my physical health. If not “happily every after,” then perhaps, happy in the end? Just looking for your insights on my fast-evaporating future…
Thank you, Red!
Psychic Red ext. 9226 Responds:
Sometimes we have to wonder what the heck we were thinking on the higher planes, when we chose particular incarnations. I know you wonder about that, too. Fortunately, your “old soul wisdom” keeps you smiling and sane, amidst the turbulence of periods of insanity.
Your energy is exceptionally youthful, once I weed through all the frustration that you do an amazing job of suppressing. If anything is going to cause your future to “evaporate,” as you so eloquently put it, it is the stress of all that suppression. Since you have plenty of life left live, your inner radiance is probably what keeps you from looking your years. From one “tree-hugging bunny lover” to another, spend more time where things are wild and free—off the trails and paths frequented by people, and let raw Earth help you heal. When surrounded by serenity, you become serene. When you are at that state of peace, you see things more clearly. That feeling of strength you think you misplaced, is still in you, stronger than steel.
You are a natural healer, a light worker, if you will, which seems to trip you up a bit in your personal relationships. You have a very long history of staying in relationships for far too long. With you, hope can be a very dangerous thing. Your hopes can easily be turned against you in various forms of manipulation. And because your natural essence is to help and to heal, your tolerance of sub-par-to-outright-horrific behaviors of your mates is off the charts. You also have a weird splatter-pattern of being abandoned by some of the people you’ve taken in, helped, or healed. Understand that this isn’t because you weren’t (fill in the blank with the adjective of your choice, per relationship) enough. From relatives to acquaintances, there is a mighty long list of souls who have taken advantage of you. But, when you start to factor in what you want, need, expect or heaven forbid, ASK for, these people begin to detach. Some have just outright disappeared. The challenge of being a “giver” is that there are plenty of willing “takers.”
Congratulations on detangling yourself from your marriage! That only took about seven years longer than it should have. Please don’t let history repeat. Your current relationship took a turn for the worst from the moment of cohabitation. You’ve paid a high price for this relationship, beyond what you’ve listed, and there really is no positive return on your investment. There is no “happy” with him; not now, and not in the end. So pack a lunch and go find your strength. The love that was once there has faded into something else. You can’t “fix” someone who uses their damage as a shield, rather than a doorway to changes and improvement. In a nutshell, you’ve done all you can. He’s better for having known you, but he will suck all the life out of you that you will permit him to. It hardly seems like a fair trade. While you two may present as partners, I’m not actually seeing partnership. Let one of his whores have him, bag and baggage. As you’ve learned, there’s more baggage than usable contents in the bag.
I know that no one truly wants to be alone, and we all fear loneliness to one degree or another. You, my dear, need to set aside these fears. Truthfully, you’ll be just fine on your own. You actually need some time alone. Even though you will have some lonely moments, they are nothing more than part of yet another life transition. Even with these less pleasant moments, you will still be happier than you are right now. This is part of your life path—a marker in which you are meant to rediscover yourself, your independence, your energy, and your strength. While it may feel at times like you’re revisiting a crossroads, this time you’re not there to barter or bargain, and there is no devil. It’s a time and space in which you will transform.
You’ve always been a woman of compassion and integrity, but also a woman who sets aside what is right for her for the benefit and well-being of others. This transition causes you to raise the bar for yourself as well as for those with whom you allow in, or back in, to your life. Your intuition is also going to develop further, hitting a whole new level. A long-forgotten essence of balance will be restored, and with it comes the joy of peace.
You came into this world a natural healer, and that will not fade. But, you will become much more selective of those with whom you share your gifts, and the pleasure of your company. Your days of “settling” when it comes to your personal life are coming to an end. While you remain a magnetic force which draws hurt and damaged men to you, you will no longer be so easy to manipulate. Because of your never-ending well of compassion, you will find yourself in some companion-style relationships down the road, but with a huge difference: your clearly expressed expectations and boundaries will be honored. So, while the first two men pass some time, they won’t be granted the key to your heart—or your home. The third man is another story… He’s essentially the male version of you.
I know you’re not planning on it, and you still have a bit of a windy road to travel, but man #3 is not only the guy who meets your family, he’s also the guy it’s looking like you’ll marry. He’s 68 but looks much closer to 60. The two of you make a lovely couple. He’s very artistic and has a natural ability to play just about any instrument ever made. In his youth, he did serve in the Navy, which may or may not be where he learned to fly, and still has a passion for aircraft. Although retired, he still owns a business having to do with mechanics. Even though he comes through as more of a jeans and t-shirt guy, he cleans up nicely and is financially sound. He is intelligent, philosophical, and has a booming laugh that is fitting for his playful sense of humor. While he’s pretty big into yoga and meditation, these are things he doesn’t readily admit to. I think he’s actually rather embarrassed, and keeps these practices quiet from most people. His relationship history in the world of romance is an even bigger train wreck than yours, but he has embraced the lessons and released the garbage.
While I can’t tell you how or where you meet him. I do know that it’s your intuition that guides you to him, and that he’ll be looking for you, too. You’ll know immediately that he will be very important to you when you see him, and he’ll immediately recognize you because he’s already seen you in his dreams. I’m not going to say it’s “love at first sight” but that will be the general, and mutual, initial experience. You don’t have to believe me now, but in your 65th year, I’d love to hear from you and get the details of your wedding plans.
Unfortunately, I don’t see a way for you to skip the process you currently face, in order to fast-forward to this man. For the first time in your life, you are the one that has some catching up to do! Do not stress over that last statement, because you are meant to, and you will. When the time is right, the two of you will come together and live your own fairy tale!
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