Red Responds: See Who You’re Going to Marry

A woman’s future is disappearing quickly. Her husband has an abuse and addiction problem, but she can’t cut him loose, and her adult children are distant. Red shares her thoughts on this woman’s predicament.

Fast-Evaporating Future?

Susan from Quogue asks:

I am a youthful, long-in-the-tooth (60), serial monogamist who has been long married to a verbally-turned-physically abusive male. He is also an immature, cheating, recovering drug addict, and I am having the most difficult of times severing ties. I have lost all that is dear, including relationships with 2 of my 3 now adult children and my lifetime’s financial possessions. I am also very worried about my physical health. If not “happily every after,” then perhaps, happy in the end? Just looking for your insights on my fast-evaporating future…

Thank you, Red!

XO, Susan

Psychic Red ext. 9226 Responds:

Dear Susan,

Sometimes we have to wonder what the heck we were thinking on the higher planes, when we chose particular incarnations. I know you wonder about that, too. Fortunately, your “old soul wisdom” keeps you smiling and sane, amidst the turbulence of periods of insanity.

Your energy is exceptionally youthful, once I weed through all the frustration that you do an amazing job of suppressing. If anything is going to cause your future to “evaporate,” as you so eloquently put it, it is the stress of all that suppression. Since you have plenty of life left live, your inner radiance is probably what keeps you from looking your years. From one “tree-hugging bunny lover” to another, spend more time where things are wild and free—off the trails and paths frequented by people, and let raw Earth help you heal. When surrounded by serenity, you become serene. When you are at that state of peace, you see things more clearly. That feeling of strength you think you misplaced, is still in you, stronger than steel.

You are a natural healer, a light worker, if you will, which seems to trip you up a bit in your personal relationships. You have a very long history of staying in relationships for far too long. With you, hope can be a very dangerous thing. Your hopes can easily be turned against you in various forms of manipulation. And because your natural essence is to help and to heal, your tolerance of sub-par-to-outright-horrific behaviors of your mates is off the charts. You also have a weird splatter-pattern of being abandoned by some of the people you’ve taken in, helped, or healed. Understand that this isn’t because you weren’t (fill in the blank with the adjective of your choice, per relationship) enough. From relatives to acquaintances, there is a mighty long list of souls who have taken advantage of you. But, when you start to factor in what you want, need, expect or heaven forbid, ASK for, these people begin to detach. Some have just outright disappeared. The challenge of being a “giver” is that there are plenty of willing “takers.”

Congratulations on detangling yourself from your marriage! That only took about seven years longer than it should have. Please don’t let history repeat. Your current relationship took a turn for the worst from the moment of cohabitation. You’ve paid a high price for this relationship, beyond what you’ve listed, and there really is no positive return on your investment. There is no “happy” with him; not now, and not in the end. So pack a lunch and go find your strength. The love that was once there has faded into something else. You can’t “fix” someone who uses their damage as a shield, rather than a doorway to changes and improvement. In a nutshell, you’ve done all you can. He’s better for having known you, but he will suck all the life out of you that you will permit him to. It hardly seems like a fair trade. While you two may present as partners, I’m not actually seeing partnership. Let one of his whores have him, bag and baggage. As you’ve learned, there’s more baggage than usable contents in the bag.

I know that no one truly wants to be alone, and we all fear loneliness to one degree or another. You, my dear, need to set aside these fears. Truthfully, you’ll be just fine on your own. You actually need some time alone. Even though you will have some lonely moments, they are nothing more than part of yet another life transition. Even with these less pleasant moments, you will still be happier than you are right now. This is part of your life path—a marker in which you are meant to rediscover yourself, your independence, your energy, and your strength. While it may feel at times like you’re revisiting a crossroads, this time you’re not there to barter or bargain, and there is no devil. It’s a time and space in which you will transform.

You’ve always been a woman of compassion and integrity, but also a woman who sets aside what is right for her for the benefit and well-being of others. This transition causes you to raise the bar for yourself as well as for those with whom you allow in, or back in, to your life. Your intuition is also going to develop further, hitting a whole new level. A long-forgotten essence of balance will be restored, and with it comes the joy of peace.

You came into this world a natural healer, and that will not fade. But, you will become much more selective of those with whom you share your gifts, and the pleasure of your company. Your days of “settling” when it comes to your personal life are coming to an end. While you remain a magnetic force which draws hurt and damaged men to you, you will no longer be so easy to manipulate. Because of your never-ending well of compassion, you will find yourself in some companion-style relationships down the road, but with a huge difference: your clearly expressed expectations and boundaries will be honored. So, while the first two men pass some time, they won’t be granted the key to your heart—or your home. The third man is another story… He’s essentially the male version of you.

I know you’re not planning on it, and you still have a bit of a windy road to travel, but man #3 is not only the guy who meets your family, he’s also the guy it’s looking like you’ll marry. He’s 68 but looks much closer to 60. The two of you make a lovely couple. He’s very artistic and has a natural ability to play just about any instrument ever made. In his youth, he did serve in the Navy, which may or may not be where he learned to fly, and still has a passion for aircraft. Although retired, he still owns a business having to do with mechanics. Even though he comes through as more of a jeans and t-shirt guy, he cleans up nicely and is financially sound. He is intelligent, philosophical, and has a booming laugh that is fitting for his playful sense of humor. While he’s pretty big into yoga and meditation, these are things he doesn’t readily admit to. I think he’s actually rather embarrassed, and keeps these practices quiet from most people. His relationship history in the world of romance is an even bigger train wreck than yours, but he has embraced the lessons and released the garbage.

While I can’t tell you how or where you meet him. I do know that it’s your intuition that guides you to him, and that he’ll be looking for you, too. You’ll know immediately that he will be very important to you when you see him, and he’ll immediately recognize you because he’s already seen you in his dreams. I’m not going to say it’s “love at first sight” but that will be the general, and mutual, initial experience. You don’t have to believe me now, but in your 65th year, I’d love to hear from you and get the details of your wedding plans.

Unfortunately, I don’t see a way for you to skip the process you currently face, in order to fast-forward to this man. For the first time in your life, you are the one that has some catching up to do! Do not stress over that last statement, because you are meant to, and you will. When the time is right, the two of you will come together and live your own fairy tale!

Brightest Blessings,


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15 thoughts on “Red Responds: See Who You’re Going to Marry

  1. Anushka Lutchme Singh

    Hello Red…I was born on December 26th, 1991. I’ve been in terrible relationships in the past, some which were traumatic. I’ve been told I’m a bad judge when it comes to guys. I would really like to know if I will be able to find a good guy, if i already know him, and at what age I might marry.

  2. Melissa Duhon

    Dear Red,

    I was born on February 18, 1981. I was wondering about this guy which I came across on face book. He wanted to meet me so we meet a Planted Fitness. When I turned around to see him. I didn’t get nervous. It was like we were friends already. He took my to Olive Garden. We had a nice time even thou it was short because I had to go get my little one. Please if its ok to asks. Do you see us in a wonderful friendship that will lead us to ware we will fall in love with each other.:) Well just to say, that I am patient but

    Thank you,

  3. Leslie

    Red…. can you see me??
    I am planning to marry man #3. I am worried. My gift makes me so unsure of my own future and I get blinded by love and passion…. can you see for me?

    Blessed be sweet lady


  4. melinda johnson

    i met a wonderful man in june.he is aquarius- I am scorpio-
    due to legal situations, faimily tragedies and deaths…we have not been able to see
    each othe ..but plan to get together in sept..i a really crazy for him.
    i am 54 he is 49..
    do you see us in relationship?

  5. Yolanda J.

    I was born on June 14,1967 and I’m so tired of the horrible relationships that I have been in, in the past. I’m ready to meet Mr. Right I’m ready to settle down. Could you please give me some pointers as far as who he might be?, his nationality, his age. I must admit that I really do look younger than my age. I really really need to know if this is something that is coming soon? so I can look forward to it? and any thing that you think that may help me, or something you think I should know would be greatly appreciated.

    Sincerely Yolanda Jackson
    looking for Love in all the right places (I hope)

  6. Kameko D

    I am dating someone I met online. Will I meet him? Is everything he has been telling me a lie or will we live happily ever after as planned?
    Thank you

  7. marc from the uk

    I see similar parallels here with my life and I take comfort from it and oddly enough relate to some feelings I have experienced and thought processes I am going through! So there is light at the end of the tunnel, no matter how good or bad life can be you can never learn by going back, only forward!

  8. Ann FInch


    Just wanted to say I read your article about”see you are going to Marry” Great response.

    I also have been in a marriage that was one sided. He ened up to be a sex addict. I have learned al about addictions. Addiction does not allow a tow sided relationship. I loved him with all my heart. Just like your reader. You give and they use and abuse you. I am wondering if they ever think remorse for what they have done to their wives. He now is engaged to anotehr women, Living in my old home for which we hand designed with this women and her kids. It is a mystery to know how he can have such a great life with someone wlse that did not invest the time and energy in him for years as I have done. I even took him to Rehab, same place as Tiger Woods. But then again look at how his story turned out. Just wondering if they ever get what they sow?? He tore my life apart. I allowed it to happen as I now see. I am wondering if I will ever find my soul mate and I wouldlove to get married again..

  9. brenda

    PS: Not everyone ‘fears’ to be alone as the article states. You came into the world alone and will most likely leave it alone, whether you are attached to someone else or not. Again, stop with all the ‘fear mongering’. You have nothing to fear but fear itself.

  10. brenda

    He is not worth the price of admission, believe me. If nothing else at your age you deserve a peaceful existence. Don’t be a fool and put up with his abuse another day. Stand up tall and stretch your backbone a little and get outta Dodge. You don’t need any man in your life, let alone one that treats you badly. Get some self respect and you will find the men will also treat you respectfully. Single life at any age can be quite satisfying, or in your case, at least safe from harm. He is an abusive idiot and will only become worse. Get out now while you can.

  11. carol

    This story “hit a note” for me, there are so many similarities in this story.
    I was in Susan’s place in my younger years. I, also married my “3rd” man and have had a wonderful 43 years together. We both came from horrible pasts, mine was an abusive marriage and he was a Viet Nam Seebee. We have an understanding, I let him do the things he enjoys and he let me do the things I enjoy and we also do things together.
    I just wanted to let Susan know that there are “brighter days ahead”!!!!!


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