Priyanka from Pune, India asks:
I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for the last four years. Before that we were friends for three years. He had cheated on me a couple of years ago. After a year and a half, he apologized because he realized his mistake. I have a physical relationship with him, but have gained no emotional satisfaction from it. He does everything for me except that he’s not sensitive enough to understand me or my needs of tenderness in a relationship. I have grown bitter since he betrayed me, and there are already strained relations with the family. I want to know if I should marry him since I don’t know if I’m capable of loving him anymore.
Psychic Red ext. 9226 Responds:
Marriage is a huge and life altering decision, so you have some soul searching to do. If you want to marry solely for love, then marrying your boyfriend will initially leave you feeling as if you have made a mistake, partly because of your feelings and mindset. However, for you, deciding not to marry him also comes with complications and repercussions. I see that you do want to be married, and it is rather expected of you, but the challenge of letting go of this relationship is the time it will take to find another.
It can be very difficult to forgive and move past such a huge betrayal. Fortunately, time often can be quite the magical elixir. While I’m not saying that you will find yourself happily and madly in love with this man, I am saying that you will be able to find a level of happiness and joy in this relationship. How much or how little will partly depend on your acceptance of being with him.
As your boyfriend matures, he will better understand you and your need of tenderness and support. Currently, he believes he is doing everything he possibly can to please you. Because you are tolerant of things as they are, he is actually quite unaware of how unhappy and unfilled you are with him. He thinks you’re just unhappy in general.
Your relationship with your boyfriend definitely needs some culturing, but the two of you are ultimately very compatible. Even though you currently aren’t feeling as if you’re capable of loving him, when and if you can release your anger and hurt from the past, you will find that you can. However, love is not an emotion that can be manufactured or forced. If you decide to continue on your journey with him, do so with the understanding that love will come as a slow progression rather than a tidal wave of joy.
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