Kundalini for Intimate Relationships
Kundalini is a serpent goddess who lies coiled at the base of our spine. She’s waiting for us to unlock her energy through a combination of meditation, yoga, and selfless acts of love. The guru Avdhoot Baba Shivanand describe this awakening as an expansion of the brain. He says that the dormant spirit uses only six percent of the brain’s capacity to see and understand the world around it. However, the enlightened spirit uses 94 percent of the brain’s capacity.
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Kundalini in Intimate Relationships
While there are many parts to kundalini, I’m going to focus on its role within a romantic relationship. Some gurus will tell you that in order to truly awaken your kundalini, you need to stop sexual activity. This allows you to put energy towards spiritual transformation. However, for most of the population, this is not viable or necessary.
The following tips will help you awaken your kundalini with your partner. However, these are only basic tips. I invite you to investigate this practice further if you’d like to experience the full benefit of kundalini.
Tip #1: Practice as You are, Not as You Wish You Could Be
Who we are naturally is not bad or imperfect in some way. But because so many of us believe this, kundalini exercises heal us and help us reach a higher plain. Kundalini is simply allowing yourself to relax and fall into the moment with your partner, accepting whatever happens next.
Tip #2: Don’t Use Your Partner as a Vessel
When beginners start practicing kundalini yoga with a partner, they often lose sight of the actual intimate moment. Instead, they focus on using the experience as a means to transcend their own sensuality or spirituality. The problem with this is that it leaves out the fundamental idea of kundalini as a selfless act of love. So, you should sit back and enjoy the moment with your love without expectation.
Tip #3: Desire Urges Action and Knowledge Completes the Action
Tantra expert Chandi Devi reminds us that nothing can ever be accomplished in kundalini without desire (iccha), knowledge (jnana) and action (kriya). And desire is not enough. You must also have the proper knowledge and understanding of the practices. If you partner doesn’t share this desire, you must share your knowledge and urge them to try. This leads to the final necessity, which is action. Nothing will ever be accomplished without action.
Tip #4: Unlearn the Idea of an Orgasm as Your Goal
In kundalini, orgasm is not the final goal. Just surrender yourself to the moment. See where it takes you. The idea here is that you cannot achieve a full-body orgasm until you have evoked the serpent goddess (Kundalini). She has to wind her way up each of your chakras.
Tip #5: Get in “Tune” With Your Partner
Foreplay in kundalini is sitting in a dimly lit room, holding each other, looking into each other’s eyes, and breathing in sync. Start slowly by touching your partner and then relaxing into a shallow meditation. Allow the moment to lead itself. Take your time. Remember, there is no goal (orgasm) to concern yourself with. Your only goal should be to enjoy each other.
Tip #6: Practice Tantric Sex
The idea of tantric sex is enjoying the sexual union, allowing kundalini to travel up the base of the spine uninterrupted. In tantric sex, an orgasm is the release of your sexual energy downward towards the sexual organs, thus inhibiting your chance of building this energy up to your crown (full body/endorphin orgasm). To achieve this, try not to focus so much on the sensations in your groin. Instead, feel the sensation of the energy as it rises up through your spine. Stop stimulation as needed to avoid surpassing the “point of no return.”
Tip #7: Have Fun
Most of all, have fun. The most important part of awakening kundalini is not the destination, but the journey!
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