Red Responds: She Desperately Wants to Move

Cris in Hilo writes:

I am recently divorced and staying in the state where I live for my son, though I am unhappy here. I have my own business which has been making ends meet, but it’s not enough to support us financially, which leaves me drawing on my savings. I know if I move to a different state I would be in a better financial position. However, that would involve putting my son in a bad spot – he graduates next year (and doesn’t get along with his father, so he won’t live there).

His father is also no help financially, and on top of that does not want to move on emotionally from our divorce. I am not sure what my next move should be and I’m frustrated.

Next year my son may decide to go to college here and even if I stay until then, I desperately want to move. But if he can’t live with my ex now, how will he do so next year? Is there any good news in my future? I am having a hard time seeing it.

Dear Cris,

I know things are very challenging for you right now, but it is only a transitional period in your life. Time and timing seem to hold a lot of weight with how your future will unfold.

You are correct in knowing that your financial picture will improve if you relocate. I also agree that it would be much better if you can stay where you are at until your son graduates. However, after he graduates it is a whole new era. If he chooses to go to college there, he will be able to find room and board – even if it means putting up with Dad. While it will be a tough decision for you emotionally, you can maintain (and actually improve) the relationship you have with your son, even if the two of you aren’t sharing a home.

I don’t see dear old Dad stepping up to the plate and helping you financially. However, your business will grow. Through your efforts, things will improve. Not only is that good news, it’s also a victory. Keep your focus on your financial goals and you will make strides toward reaching them. While you may have to dip into your savings here and there over the next year, I don’t see you depleting your nest egg.

Looking at the relationship you have with your ex, I’d say it’s time to close the door. His inability to move on from the divorce is not your issue, it’s his. Let him have it. At this point, he only has the power that you give him. Don’t play into to the drama – you don’t have the time or energy for it. Eventually, he will move on.

Sometimes the only way out from under problems is to continue moving forward, laying plans to create the life you deserve.

Brightest Blessings,
Ext 9226

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