Do you find yourself wishing you had more of a sex life or at least a better one? Wondering what others are doing right that you’re doing wrong? Well, with the weather heating up and libidos going into overdrive, it’s time to spring clean your sex life with a little creativity and attitude adjustment.
Stop faking it
When it comes to faking it, there are a few things to consider. First, are you faking it when you actually want to have an orgasm but it’s just not working? Or are you faking it because you want it to be over? Are you faking it because you don’t want him to feel like a failure? Or are you faking it because you feel like you’re one?
Sex is complex. It’s not usually neat (or at least it shouldn’t be!) and it can’t be put into a box (no pun intended). But one of the worst habits to kill your sex life is to get into is pretending something is happening when it’s not. Of course this goes far beyond the bedroom, but the complexity of faking orgasm serves as a good lesson for all those other areas where honesty is important too.
First, stop faking it. Period. You’re only fooling yourself. Now, tell your partner what you need, when you need it. This doesn’t mean barking out orders (unless that’s your thing!), but the more communicative you can be about your needs (for instance, not all people want to orgasm every time… and some don’t mind doing it themselves on occasion), the more likely you are to have them met. If your lover has it in their head that they’re not doing their job unless you come, but you haven’t told them how to do it, consider who’s failing whom. Or, if you’re pretending just to get it over with but then wondering why you feel resentful as the other person falls asleep, ask yourself why? And lastly, if you’re faking just to stroke an ego, all you’re doing is giving your partner false confidence… and a false sense of sexual security in a relationship that’s not reciprocal.
That’s not fair to either of you.
Nowhere to hide
So you’re not Heidi Klum or Jonathan Rhys Meyers. Neither are most of us. But if you’re so caught up in the fact that fill in the blank (my stomach sticks out, my thighs jiggle a little, my sexy bits are too small, etc.), you’re missing out on the whole point of sex! It’s not about being perfect, it’s about being present. And present is one thing you’re NOT if you’re obsessed with being seen at your best angle in your best light.
If you’re the one who always leaves the light off (and shirt on), consider this: Is your partner perfect? Do they have the eyes and abs of Scarlett Johansson or Antonio Sabato Jr., or the face of David Beckham with the legs to match? If so, good for you. But even if you’re lover is an Athena or Adonis, the truth is they’re with you for a reason (and sometimes the reasons aren’t all that complicated). Among other things, they DEFINITELY find you attractive.
Accept that you’re not perfect and allow yourself to be vulnerable. Confidence goes a long way in someone’s eyes, and believe it or not, he’s probably not looking at that mole on your back or the extra meat on your middle. And if they are, they may very well like it right where it is. Remember, your sex life will be a lot hotter than it is when you recognize that you’re a lot hotter than you think.
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