Sex Q&A: Find Your Inner Truths

Daisy asks:

Hi Liam, I’ve been married for twenty-three years, and in the last two years my husband and I have grown apart. He has betrayed me and lied to me for a long time. He’s been the only man in my life. I married him when I was eighteen years old. When we’re together, all we do is argue about everything, and I can’t stand being around him. He says he still loves me, but I can’t trust him anymore. I want our marriage to end, but when I think about him sharing his life with another woman it upsets me very much. Why can’t I let these feelings go and move on to a more peaceful life? Can you see us getting back together and rebuilding the trust, love and respect in this relationship?

Liam’s Response:

Greetings, Daisy. While the pain you feel is harrowing, and the sense of isolation devastating, your inquiry is really highly subjective in scope. For different people, there will be different truths and different variables that determine whether a situation is workable or not. People like to clutch and cling to notions of universal standards that simply don’t exist in reality. The ugly fact is: it will take a lot of treading through the wilderness of your heart to find the answers. Once you have, those answers will be yours and yours alone.

As I look at you and your situation, the energy speaks to me on many levels. I think I can help you navigate the tempest for a spell. Afterward, you’ll have to walk alone on some very dark paths, finding your own inner truths as you go. When you speak of your husband betraying you, I feel what you really mean is he failed to live up to your expectations. When people use such words as “cheating” or “betrayal,” it’s always with this stinging tone of righteous indignation, as if they were robbed of some piece of property. Your husband made choices that were in direct conflict with certain vows. However, vows are words that only have meaning if value is applied to them. Your husband had his reasons for no longer viewing those words with the meaning they once had. Blaming him for it will not help your situation now. Why is it when the claims of a bad marriage begin, fingers are instantly pointed in the other direction? He did this and she said that. I was wronged… I was hurt… I was abandoned. All of this in a desperate attempt to be absolved of responsibility. If only he had done what you wanted him to do – but he’s human. Humans cannot always satisfy the expectations of others.

I see how your marriage became a battleground of possession and control. Long before he made his choices and told his lies, you two were at each other’s throats in a game of power and dominance. Ironically, you seem to have some very erotic chemistry at the core of it all, and it proved to be part of the problem. The two of you failed to layer a true friendship into all that hot sex and sweet romance of the early days. You were both very young, and it was perhaps inevitable that you would fail to become true partners. Instead, you became possessive, fearful and fretting while he became distant and bullying. Now your husband is a wreck. You’re hurt. The fact is: Your marriage can be saved, if you take the initiative to work on yourself and become a strong person who doesn’t need her partner to define her Self.

Look deep inside… Find that lava pit of passion you once had and take it to him. Let your bodies do what your minds cannot. There can be healing in a bed of pleasure and pain – a heat and sorrow to guide you to the next level. Very often people just don’t understand the spiritual balm of ecstasy. Make love in agony… Let it be catharsis. Let it be release. Then start going to therapy. If he’d like to join you for couples counseling, let him know he would be welcome. Don’t pressure him. Holding onto someone we really love often means letting go of things we are holding tight within ourselves. Your husband is a fallible man. He is flesh and blood, and he needs love, too. Quit talking so much, and listen to him for a change. You’ll be surprised that so many of the issues you have with him parallel the issues he has with you. It’s really not as bad as you think. Go to work, and I truly believe the next eighteen years will be far better ones for both of you.

Liam

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2 thoughts on “Sex Q&A: Find Your Inner Truths

  1. misskrystalmisskrystal

    Liam,
    I really enjoyed this. You are such a unique and gifted writer-informative, a tad esoteric in persuasion and a little sprinkle of “fluff” YET with truth…You are by far my most favorite writer on here….This is real talent. Sometimes I feel like I am reading a novel, instead of a self help article, which is a huge compliment from me because I get bored with novels…..Of course, I have my fav’s, but I am very picky when it comes to any type of literature-You so most definitely have your own flair and style…

    Never a dull moment reading your posts. Super job here on this one, too. I SO AGREE never to pressure people to go to any type of counseling…It’s not very easy to explain, why, either…But you know what I mean….

    Hope all is well. Look forward to more. Have a wonderful week. Bravo! Encore, please 🙂
    Miss Krystal

    Reply
  2. amaryllis

    Some good advice. Anyone who desires something strongly enough will be able to attract the desired outcome… at least this is my belief. I do have a question for Daisy- Do you truly love your husband and can you envision a happy future with him, or do you merely see him as a possession? The feeling that I get when reading the words you have written sound more like a petulant child, who is upset that a forgotten/ broken toy has been picked up by some one else… not that she wants to play with it, but doesn’t want any one else to enjoy it either. If you’re feeling more like the later is true and you still desire to keep this marriage intact I would suggest that you start to find reasons why you do love this man; why you have cherished this man in the past; what qualities have you enjoyed the most in your marriage to this man… and let him know them. Try to feel this now and let him feel it too. Counselling will be beneficial, if you are both willing to make this step. If, however, you cannot find it in your heart to forgive him, or feel trust and love for him- truly let him go. Your marriage will be a mockery of what it should truly be, if you are both miserable and only staying together because of a piece of paper and you will be denying yourself the happiness that you truly deserve to have.

    Reply

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