Holly from Harbor Beach asks:
Why is it that when I start falling for a guy and think it’s safe to let him into my heart, they end up dumping me and using the line, “I’m sorry, I’m not sure if this is what I want?” Leading up to that moment, everything is fine. They always want me around, always hugging and kissing on me and acting like nothing is wrong.
Psychic Red ext. 9226 Responds:
The heart of the answer is very simple: You have not yet met the right guy.
You’re sweet, eager to please and very much hoping for and seeking a truly stable relationship. While all of these things are honest and honorable, it also makes you vulnerable. Some people seemingly can sniff out vulnerability and use it to their advantage. It seems as if you’ve run into more than one of these types of personalities.
You don’t seem like a big fan of playing emotional games, so don’t try to as a tactic to figure out who is trustworthy and who is not. It won’t work for you. However, if you learn to listen to your intuition more clearly, you will find that you have a built-in radar or natural line of protective defense.
I want you to take some time and really look at your relationships and relationship patterns. Pay special attention to your own repeat processes. I’m not saying that you’ve done anything wrong or invite this pain into your life, but you do have a nasty habit of going against your instincts. You want love, and you want to trust so badly that you actually talk yourself into these guys and the relationship potential. You go against your intuitive safeguards with the hopes that this time things will work out.
When you have that niggling sensation that things are too good to be true, that this guy may not be being 100% open and honest, when there is undercurrent of something not feeling genuinely solid—don’t dismiss it. Remember that there is nothing wrong with holding back and gently testing people for truth and validity. Trust is something that should be earned in a relationship, from and by all who are involved. Wanting to love and trust someone is a natural response to kindness, respect, and attention; but giving your trust to someone who hasn’t actually earned that gift very often is an invitation to betrayal. Especially with someone like you—you’re just so genuinely nice and eager to please that not everyone will fully appreciate the gifts of caring that you offer.
Don’t change who you are, but also don’t be afraid to lose someone because you aren’t giving enough or trusting enough. Anyone who is genuinely interested in you and sticking around for the long haul will be willing to risk rejection themselves by being there and doing what it takes to really know you, and earn your trust and respect. Time will always separate those who want to win you over from those who are enchanted by the thrill of the chase.
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