Vee from Auckland asks:
My husband passed away more than six years ago and left us in financial strife. My children were one and five years old at the time. Also, he cheated on me. It all came out after his death. Did he do it on purpose – leaving us penniless? I find it very hard to forgive him for doing that to his babies. I have tried to forgive him, and even though I say it, honestly, I don’t mean it. I just want to know why. Please shed some light, Red.
Psychic Red ext. 9226 Responds:
Your husband didn’t intend on leaving you, nor did he ever intend for you to find out about his affair. In his mind, he would get away with his indiscretions, provide a decent life for you and the kids and leave behind a moderate legacy and wealth of memories. Unfortunately, that’s not how things worked out. If he had known what his future truly held for him, there are many things he would have done differently, including making sure that you and the kids would be taken care of. While he always intended to make provisions, his life ended before he got around to it.
While your husband may not have been the best husband and father, or the most loyal, he didn’t purposely leave you and your children broke with a basketful of difficulty. Planning ahead wasn’t necessarily one of his strongest points, but he also didn’t think he had so little time.
Your husband lived selfishly and then died selfishly. That seems to be the core issue that keeps eating at you, and preventing you from truly being able to forgive him. Your pain and anger is quite understandable. He left you, your children and quite the mess behind. It’s going to be tough for you to forgive him and actually mean it. Someday, you may be able to. For now, all you can do is keep trying.
I do hope this helps you, at least a little bit.
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One thought on “Red Responds: Left Penniless and Unforgiving”
Vee, I was in an abusive relationship a number of years ago. I kept working on forgiveness because memories of him and how he harmed my daughter and me continued to haunt me and significantly interfere with new relationships. I finally realized that the impediment to forgiveness was that I didn’t believe that he deserved it. Actually, he didn’t. But I did. So, I forgave him for me, not for him. My burden was lifted in this act of loving myself.