Roxanne from Stevens Point asks:
I’m engaged to be married to a man I thought was my soulmate. We have a great relationship outside of the discussion of when and how we will get married. His idea of marriage or why a person should marry is way different from mine. I think of the relationship aspect of it, and he thinks only of the consequence of it. First it was a prenupt, now its possession of life which he has little of and what he feels important to leave his children. I am beginning to wonder why I’m wasting precious time and effort into a partner that isn’t acting as a partner. Do you have an answer?
Psychic Red ext. 9226 Responds:
It is true that you and your fiancé have very different ideas regarding the concepts and legalities of marriage, but you also have very different previous relationship experiences that are influencing each of your viewpoints. This may add some complications to the traditional differences of male/female views, but these aren’t issues that can’t be overcome.
Realistically, you love this man and are connected to him on a soul and karmic level. While that doesn’t mean that you have to follow through with your wedding and future plans, you should keep in mind that you do share something very special with him that you may not be able to surpass. However, there definitely is marriage in your future. Whether or not you marry your current fiancé or another man will ultimately be your decision.
You look at your relationship and marriage from an emotional and spiritual point of view, while he is looking at the potential materialistic consequences. Many of his viewpoints come from his past relationship experiences, as well as some of the horrors he has witnessed in the lives of others – both real and fiction. While that may not make it right, or accurate, he believes his views to be necessary and valid.
As for your current concerns, even though some of your fiancés’ views and opinions are quite painful, and seemingly disrespectful, his intentions aren’t to hurt or alienate you. He is looking at things through the eyes of “worst case scenario,” and laying a foundation to protect himself, his ego and his first family. While some of the things he has put forth to you definitely seem petty and over the top, these things are important to him, and he truly believes he is doing the right things. There are things that he wants to keep in his bloodline, and give to his children. He is very firm with that concept. As far as other issues of concern go – while he can ensure his possessions and property are distributed to his first family, I’m not seeing anything that is ultimately prohibitive of you taking similar measures.
Your fiancé really isn’t trying to take from you, or leave you high and dry or unprotected in the event of death or divorce. He’s just trying to be responsible and has great difficulty understanding that his sense of responsibility comes across as a lack of faith in your relationship, and creates the illusion of de-prioritizing you.
There are a lot of property/possessions/monetary concerns that an attorney can define for you, in order for you to understand the legalities and their limits. It could bring you peace of mind. Not to mention that you have every right to return the prenuptial favor and will your possessions and goods to whomever you wish in case you should pass away. It is also not unheard of for spouses to procure private life insurance policies on one another. If you were to consult an attorney you are likely to find out that it is possible for you to own the policy, pay the premiums, and make yourself beneficiary. This would guarantee that you will protected – even prosper – in the event of your man’s death. While it’s not a pleasant subject to discuss with him, it is a conversation you may want to have to ensure that you aren’t left high and dry. Your fiancé is not going to be thrilled by such a prospect, but you can convince him that it is a level of compromise.
I can see that it isn’t really your style, but since your fiancé is so hung up on self protection and preservation, it would be wise of you to introduce some paperwork of your own. Seek professional legal advice, and draw up your own prenuptial agreement. Have a will drawn up that details your current wishes and asset distributions, and keep it filed and current with your state. Change the way you and your fiancé deal with your current and upcoming finances, and stringently detail each of your obligations. Having joint accounts for joint expenditures and your life together is a good thing, but also having separate, individual accounts can often alleviate concerns and stresses, and help maintain independence.
If you seriously believe that you are wasting your time and energy trying to build a life with a person you honestly think will never meet you at least half way – then your resentment will continue to grow, and eventually tarnish the love and connection you currently share with this man. Sometimes, the best way to fight for something is simply to fight back. While it may seem petty, unnecessary and like a shadow creeping over all that is good; the effects of taking some of the potential actions I’ve brought up can bring about a sense of peace and balance that will let you move forward in harmony. Once your fiancé sees, agrees to and signs all of your retaliatory paperwork, it will become more clear to you that what he wants is to move forward and build a life with you, not for prosperity, but because of the love he has for you.
You have a lot to consider, and some hard choices to make. While your free will is certainly a major factor of how things are going to unfold, from what I am seeing based on the here and now – you will find happiness and stability by following your heart and marrying your current man.
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