I remember thinking that going through my mother’s bureau was the coolest thing ever. Now, this only applied if I didn’t get caught. Because getting caught would be sucky. But one thing that was even cooler than the coolest thing ever, though, was going through her jewelry box! It felt like I was hunting for hidden treasure. It was modest treasure. But as every girl knows, treasure is treasure. It was still better than anything that I had.
Even as a kid, I understood the monumental importance of one very special set of jewelry. The bridal set. (At this point angels sing.) Why do we still measure a woman’s success by this piece of jewelry? Why do we measure the success of a relationship by this piece of jewelry? This is social currency. And it’s a lie. And it is cruel. How do we, as a, sisterhood correct this immensely crappy thinking?
Still with me? Good. Our story unfolds…
I received a call from a new client. She asked: “I’ve been dating my boyfriend for (pick an amount of time, it doesn’t matter). I really want a ring. I don’t want to waste my time.”
When did people become a waste of time? I thought every experience counted. I thought people counted.
I didn’t know people had an expiration date. Who knew? Why is that piece of jewelry the prize at the end of the marathon that is romance? I got one better… why would you pity yourself if you don’t get one after a “reasonable” amount of time? I think that it’s because that little piece of jewelry is the difference between a “respectable” relationship and a “casual” one. Probably the more honest word is disrespectable. OK, so the ring makes the disrespectable respectable. Wow, sparkly and magical!
Here, I believe, is the issue. Sex. There, I said it. So how do we get past this archaic philosophy? A couple of things need to happen to straighten out this screwed up thinking:
– All by yourself, in your heart, you need to define your version of respectable and disrespectable.
– People are a lot of different things. People are never a waste of time. When paths cross, that is sacred. People are in the image of the Divine and therefore sacred as well.
– There is not now, and has never been, an expiration date on you. Go ahead. Check your feet. I’ll wait…. any date? Didn’t think so. So try not to push something that’s already unfolding before your eyes.
Let’s try something new. Let’s not care where this goofy thinking came from. Let’s just stop and think about something else. Enjoy your hunny. Try to stay present. Be happy. Let’s just redefine our ideas. Let’s create something beautiful.