Red Responds: Fix Yourself First

As Psychic Red describes, take the time to heal yourself before the love of your life to enters. Once you’ve taken the time to accept love from others, you’ll lead a happier life. It is not selfish to take care of yourself, desire balance or happiness.

Allow Yourself to Be Restored

Andrew from Wellington, NZ asks:

I always seem to attract women that need to be fixed emotionally because of what other men have done though emotional or physical abuse. Once I have built up their self-esteem, shown them that they are fantastic and they did nothing wrong which basically changes their life around, they tend to leave and move on. Maybe my life path is about helping women, because of what other men have done. But slowly I am getting more than a little tired of this as I am finally realizing: what about me? I don’t want to sound selfish, but I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve. So each time my heart is broken it hurts, and I do feel it deeply. Will this end or is this my path?

Psychic Red ext. 9226 Responds:

Dear Andrew,

There is gentleness about you that you couldn’t hide if you tried. This is part of the reason that you attract “project” women. You have a gift—the ability to help heal others and set them on their path. You do have a natural empathic ability. And the vulnerability of the broken and downtrodden has a certain subconscious appeal to you. While the women of your past are certainly better for having known you, you have given a little piece of yourself away with the parting of each one. It’s okay that you’re beginning to see that, because it’s a key motivator for you to consciously recognize the reality of the potential impact these relationships have had, and will continue to have, on you. When you fully understand that, you will change your path. Until you recognize that, history will continue to repeat.

You yearn for essentially the female version of you. Sure, you shoulder your past hurts and painful memories, seemingly with sadness rather than resentment, and that fuels the initial connection. It’s as if something in you believes that by righting the world for others, you will be rewarded with the safety, love, and devotion of those you heal. If you’re lucky, maybe time and that soul herself will return the favor, and you’ll have the happy and stable relationship you dream about. Unfortunately, it seldom works out that way, as you have discovered. You’ve got half of the equation right—you are best suited with another “you.” Where your line of thinking needs a little correction is at the beginning. Rather than taking someone under your wing because you recognize who they should and can be, you need to ask yourself if her wings are loving enough to hold you, sturdy enough to shelter you, and strong enough to lift you—so that you can grow and shed the feathers of a painful past.

It’s not selfish to desire happiness, balance, and equality—particularly in the realm of personal relationships. It’s actually the recipe for success. Yeah, you do wear your heart on your sleeve more often than not, but that level of honesty and realness is the essence of who you are. You’ve fought to hold onto that, even though experiences have tried to bend you into presenting differently. Anyone can pretend to be indifferent, or project an illusion of themselves that hides the truth of their being. It takes a helluva lot more strength and conviction to be real and risk pain than it does to hide and be safe. Stay real, Andrew. It’s probably your greatest gift, and the very thing that will bring the female “you” into your waking world. When she comes, accept the healings she offers, because love will flourish when you allow yourself to be restored.

“Fixing” others isn’t your true path, but it is, as it has been, a part of it. Look at it as a lesson, and something to meditate on, because you find it so much easier to give than receive.

Brightest Blessings,


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14 thoughts on “Red Responds: Fix Yourself First

  1. Beth

    Can you have Andrew from Wellington NZ contact me. Here I am- MS. Fall In Love With Your Potential, after I pick you up and dust you off, I shine you up and made you perfect for someone else…..

    I actually have realized I can’t fix people and fixing myself is a full time job.
    Keep an open mind when meeting new people, we do way more than we need to and I have a feeling they would come out okay, even if we weren’t there to “fix” them.

    Weebles wobble but they don’t fall down.

  2. Diane


    I would love to exchange with this Andrew guy from NZ! It seems that he is MY “other me”! I could have written his e-mail.

    Hang in there, Andrew! I am sure that there is someone, somewhere for you and someone, somewhere for me that will elevate what a relationship can be.

    There is hope!

    Diane from Montréal

  3. ndp

    what a great article.. and Red, you have a way of writing that immediately sinks into the heart and gets the message heard loud & clear… thank you for all the great reads you provide! Good luck, Andrew, believe good things are just around the corner. Life has a funny of working itself out.

  4. Share

    Does it work the same way for women who wear their hearts on their sleeves? I have never been able to play the coy, helpless, fake, femme fatale. If I love my guy, I tell him. I feel hurt when he doesn’t reciprocate and when everyone else comes before me but I don’t know how to express the inner “siren”. Am I supposed to?

  5. Fiona x5178

    Andrew–You are a healer. Your right match is also a healer, but in a different way. Don’t give up, she is in your energy-field now and the Universe will arrange the meeting. Like attracts like in Cosmic mind. The type of love the two of you will have; the chemistry, it’s worth the wait and really, it’s just down the road. Late summer, early fall–a very happy time for you.
    Blessings. Fiona.

  6. K

    Wow, I enjoyed reading that as it seems to sum who I am up. I feel I get into the same situations all the time like a broken record. i want to release this cycle and find my true empress for me. It’s so hard tho!

  7. Ashley

    Andrew, you and I are two of the same! This blurb couldn’t have come at a better time, my intuitive said the same thing to me JUST YESTERDAY. I guess this Saturn retrograde we’re in for the next few months will really help us shed all of the empathic baggage we’ve been carrying around for all of these years. Good luck to you Andrew, and thank you Red 😀

  8. Mila

    I am Andrew’s female version. I find peace in knowing that I helped in the healing of another person – male or female. The process of giving brings my soul to the purpose it is made to serve. I believe in eternal soul, so whether I will be rewarded for my good deeds, in my physical lifetime – is for the universe to manifest and not mine to worry about. Thank you Red!

  9. riffaya

    i’ve been there too andrew. it hurts. loved the article. seeing this nature as a gift has helped me heal not only others but also myself to a very large extent. god bless

  10. Dianne

    When I am in a relationship it seems to be I am the one that is doing the work to make everything ok. The other person is never connected to me with anything that is going on in my everyday life. They are involved only with there thing and I am in a relationship alone. What is it that they even choose me. I feel like a Mother to a soulmate instead of a girlfriend. I do not even feel like a friend. Everything to them is more important. My suggestions are not good enough, my thoughts are not good enough, I feel like I am being judged by this unknown man that I thought I knew personally.

    Thank you,


  11. drsonshineDr. Son

    My darling beautiful and soulful man…,. Love yourself first….remember this..
    I was in the sane situation in And out For yesrs. Oh beautiful so you need to start with yourself first as you have so much to give so please start giving it back to yourself or see that you are gettinging it back. It is wonderful to help others but it’s time to stop losing yourself in them. God Bless and Be well.


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