The man you’re in love with is going through a transition, leaving a life and a family he’s known for ages but now he wants space. Is he really in love with you? Perhaps you want to wait for him but is that the right call?
Is He Coming Back?
Nina from Hoboken asks:
I am genuinely confused. I fell in love with a classmate from school (we have long since graduated), and we tried to be friends. He has had a live-in girlfriend for about 10 years, and he was going to marry her, but something happened a few months before we met that made him his cancel the wedding. He never said anything negative about her, but he said she did something that made him lose trust in her and he called the wedding off. Now he says he has developed feelings for me but is unable to be in a relationship with me because he has problems getting out of that relationship.
Now I feel that if he really wanted to get out of that relationship, he would have already. He insists he does not love her, and he does have feelings for me (we both love each other). We did hook up several months ago and we continued to talk for a while, until he started to keep to himself. He started to ignore everyone (friends and family). When I asked about two months later, he told me all the family problems he was going through and he was depressed because of his current arrangement. He said he wants alone time after he has her out of the house and is truly separated from her. I am trying my best to move on, and I’m happy to say I do find other guys attractive. But what is his deal? I know the feelings are there, but at the same time I know I can’t depend on him at this point. I keep having dreams about him, and I keep seeing things on the street that remind me of him even though I haven’t contacted him in over a month. Did he ever really love me? Is our friendship/love truly a lost cause?
While you are facing a complicated situation, you aren’t facing anything that resembles a lost cause. There are tons of karma and past life connections showing up between you and your friend, and that history does seem to keep each of you ever-present in the other’s mind.
Your friend is presenting as confused and depressed–not necessarily the best traits to be predominant in someone who is more than a little passive-aggressive. While this certainly adds to the challenges, it also begs for your support and understanding.
The current silence between the two of you is deafening, and it is also unproductive. While sending him a message will not create an immediate response or life-changing action on his side of things, it doesn’t look like an overwhelmingly bad idea. But, should you choose to reach out to him, do so only casually, as a friend. Even though the romantic plane between the two of you has yet to reach its ultimate strength, it still shows up. However, even as passive-aggressive and slow-moving as he can be, it is necessary for a successful romantic relationship that he have the power and control of a more traditional, masculine energy. In other words, don’t chase!
It will take some time, but he will eventually come out of the space he is in, where everyone else’s opinion and advice have weight, and he will deal with the issues he is currently struggling with.
He has been honest with you as far as his feelings toward you and his girlfriend are concerned. However, it is still going to take time before he finds the strength to separate from her completely–largely due to family involvement and expectations. You should be learning from him directly that he is once again formally single by or before October. Once you have that knowledge, everything begins to change for the better for the two of you.
Up until that time, I do see some random communication between the two of you. While there is nothing bad or negative, it is also lacking serious forward momentum. While that may not be exactly what you’re wanting, in terms of the bigger picture, it is still a very positive aspect.
While I am not going to tell you to put your life on hold and wait for this man, I must also tell you that I don’t see you truly connecting or falling for anyone else. It looks more as if you are passing the time until things change between you and your friend. So, keep trying to move forward in your life, because it is the best thing you can do for you.
In the fall months, things in his world will have changed. These changes are needed in order for the two of you to have a real and fair chance to explore your feelings for one another, as well as this relationship. Even though you can’t see it now, it looks as if you are going to be happily surprised as to how things develop.
The love and bonds you share with this man are true–all you have to do is navigate the passing of time. And, while it may be easier for you to remain disconnected from him or try to forget him, it seems like the universe has different ideas.
Sometimes in life, we get exactly what we want–just not exactly how we wanted it.
I wish you and your friend the best of luck, but time is going to correct and take care of all that each of you needs.
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