Red Responds: Will He Come Back to the Family?

Kim in Vancouver writes:

My husband walked out on me and our twins in February for another woman. After six years together, he said he was “done” and not happy. He said I am a great person and awesome mother but he is no longer in love with me. I really did not see this coming. He says he could never be happy with me. I am not the first wife he has done this to. I really feel that he does not love this woman he is with, that he is running from his own issues and looking for someone to make them better. Do you think he will want to come back to me and our family and work things out?

Dear Kim,

You are correct in your assessment that your husband is running from his own issues. Unfortunately, another woman is his way of not having to deal with all that goes on inside his head. Truthfully, I don’t know that he will ever find the level of happiness he is looking for in any relationship.

While he may not be head over heels in love with his current lover, he does believe he has more feelings and greater chance for happiness with her than you. This isn’t a relationship that is going to last indefinitely, but he will stay with her for another six to eight months at the least. I know that isn’t what you want to hear, but it is better that you be prepared to deal with his choices than to not know.

You and your husband will reestablish a relationship, but it isn’t quite the reunion you are hoping for. There is a true fondness and caring that he has for you, but unless and until he deals with some of the emotional baggage he tries to hide, he doesn’t seem capable of fully committing to anyone. Sadly, that includes your children as well.

Your husband will be a part of your lives, and will uphold his financial obligations. The day will come when he apologizes for the pain he has caused you, and he will try and make amends. I am not trying to get your hopes up, because there is a long and painful process that lies ahead of you for you and your husband, and the end result seems to be that you become co-parenting friends.

Brightest blessings,
Ext. 9226

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