Red Responds: Is He Falling for Her?

I have been with my husband, Tony, for 27 years, but only married the last 9 years. We had a friend move in with her 3 kids, because of her abusive husband. I thought our marriage was strong, but not so. He got emotionally involved with them. He has told me he is not in love with me any more. He said he just wanted to help them, but my gut said he was falling for her. He has left me because I wanted him to stop the relationship with her and work it out with me. He moved out, filed for divorce and moved her in to his new place. What do you see for the future for me and his future? I have had a hard time getting over this. I still love him and think of us all the time.

Dear Joanne,

It is very hard to let go of a love that has held a place in your heart for over a quarter of a century, but sometime there is no other choice. Your husband became involved with this woman before you caught on to the undercurrent of the brewing romance. The living situation created a circumstance for disaster, and your husband was too weak to avoid straying.

It is going to take time to pick up the pieces of your life. It is also going to take time before you can face your days without longing to have your old life back. But, eventually you will. It is unfortunate that things have gone this far, but his mind is made up.

Your divorce will go through, and you and Tony will go your separate ways. While he may not always be overjoyed with his choices, he will uphold them. The excitement of his new life will eventually wane, but he will continue down this path.

It is not in you to hate your husband, but you need to think about the current situation and his actions. He’s not giving you anything to hold on to. As hard as that is to swallow, it is what you need to accept to help yourself let go. You will hurt for a while longer, but not forever. You also will be alone for some time, but eventually that will change as well. Take each day as it comes, and learn to look at this simply: this is a transition from one phase of life into another.

Starting over is hard, especially when it wasn’t on your personal list of things to do. Your life is forever changed, but you will get through this, and have peace and happiness once again. As for Tony, well, life has a way of correcting human mistakes. He will learn that there is truth in saying, “You reap what you sow.”

Brightest Blessings,
Ext. 9226

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