Marie from Wilmington, DE asks:
Hi, Red! I’ve been married for thirty-nine years. In those years, I have not been the best wife – but I’ve tried. There are two indiscretions that I truly regret, and my husband has stood by me through it all. However, I’ve realized that I’ve changed during our marriage, and he has not. We’re on different pages, yet the love is there. It’s just not as bright and shining as it used to be. We lived our lives by taking care of our kids and their kids. Of course, we lost our way. Now, we finally have time for us, but we’re struggling financially. His job keeps him busy and away from home.
We both know this is not good, but we feel trapped. My husband is wonderful, hard-working, and a good father. Will there be a time when it will be just for us, or will we burn out before then? I know we’re soul mates, and I know I’ve been with him in many lifetimes. I felt this the moment I met him when I was fifteen years old. Do you have any insights for us? I’m a Leo, and my husband is a Gemini. Thanks for your special thoughts.
Psychic Red ext. 9226 Responds:
Sometimes life gets in the way of love. Kids, grandkids, jobs, bills, housework – all these things very often seem to take precedent over what is really important. This is something that both you and your husband are guilty of. Please, don’t take that last statement as a criticism, because it really wasn’t meant to be. It’s just something that the two of you need to look at; so that each of you can take steps toward meeting in the middle, and getting onto the same page.
Your husband doesn’t know what else to do, because he has to go where the money is. To him, part of being a good husband is bringing home the bacon, and he feels like he has been failing in this arena. He often wonders if you see him as a failure, too.
You, my dear Leo, need a certain level of attention that you have been failing to receive. Since you know your husband is stressed and tired, you don’t mention this to him, unless it’s coming out along with everything else that is worrying you.
These patterns formed in your relationship years ago, and neither one of you quite know how to break them. While it’s easier said than done, each of you needs to learn how not to let chaos, and responsibility, set and rule your routines.
There is time for you two to get back to that bright and shiny love, and not because every other area of life has calmed, quieted, and fallen into place. The time to start enhancing your relationship is now! Spend some time together really talking, sharing thoughts and dreams about what you would be doing if everything were taken care of and easy. You’ll find that if you look at what the other is hoping for, common missions and goals are created to make life easier for the other, and the two of you will stop existing and start living again – and laughing. You guys don’t laugh nearly enough anymore.
Each of you, in your own way, has let the financial pressures get to you. Money, or the lack of it, can really interfere in a relationship. While things aren’t going to remain this tight around you two forever, it’s going to be a while before your husband can start to back away from working so much. Look at your life, ask him to do the same, and see if you can simplify or rearrange some of your financial necessities and goals. Both of you want time and freedom, but each of you is attached to certain images and things. There may be some room to maneuver, and that could help lighten the load.
Your relationship has a strong foundation, and you do share the love of soul mates. When you both learn how to push everything else a bit more to the side, you’ll once again be able to enjoy and appreciate what really matters, each other.