I met a woman on vacation, and she has strongly impacted me—I feel reignited after a tough breakup. We’ve had long phone calls, and our connection seems real. I’ve heard her catch her breath at some of the things I’ve said to her. She lives in San Francisco, and I live in New York. She’s thirteen years younger than me. She’s coming to visit me for a screening of a TV show I wrote and directed. I want to make sure I’m not in the friend zone. We haven’t slept together. While I flirt I’m a little suggestive at times. I didn’t make a strong physical move on her while vacationing. I wanted something more than sex with her—but I do want to lick the scent off every inch of her body! Suggestions?
Liam ext. 9290’s Response:
Greetings, Jorge. Thank you for such a wonderful inquiry. I sense that I’m speaking to a man with no small amount of experience with women. The fact that you’re sensitive enough to detect subtle changes in breath patterns as well as the valid concern that you might get pigeonholed into the dreaded friends category, tells me that you’re no stranger to the theater of desire. The matter you present is most alluring, and the energy I get from it is very heavy.
First and foremost, your instincts are correct. The lady is smitten. With time, and a little more patience, you will be able to worship her with all the relish you wish. You’ve put forethought into this seduction, and that is to your credit. Layering the foundation of friendship at first wasn’t necessary to winning your way into her bed, but your intuition guided you. Truthfully, you wish to win this particular lady entirely, body and soul, for more than a brief interlude of pleasure. In this case, you are wise to proceed with caution. She is the sort who might give way to a night of pleasure, but a true harvest of her affections will only happen over time. In other words, I can tell you really like her. Behaving like a gentleman is gaining you keys to favors that you would never have experienced in the short term. She only gets better with time. You are wise indeed.
As I see it, the issue at hand is your genuine fear of being perceived as just a friend. It must be said, men are at a considerable disadvantage in the game of love. We are easily manipulated, led, and bewitched by women who are masters at changing roles. They can realign energies in order to win the object of their desire. We are much easier to deal with on the subconscious level of symbols and archetypes. We often fall for switch-ups on the stage. Such sleight of hand doesn’t often work the other way around.
Women tend to place a man into an archetypal category within a short time of meeting him. She will decide within five minutes of meeting a man if she would ever sleep with him. To be fair, this notion isn’t so cut and dry. Much of this happens unconsciously, and trying to work around it makes little difference in most cases. However, a man can attempt to maneuver a bit in the early phases if he senses he is being put into the dreaded “he’s like my brother” niche. We all know that is like being seen as a eunuch. If he pays attention, utilizes the clues she gives him, and strikes correctly, he can sometimes turn that impression around.
Fortunately, you don’t need to worry. This lady sees you as a potential mate. You did well not playing your hand too fast. Not only is the platonic approach the best choice to prime her for a long term harvest, she wants you all the more.
At the moment, she is sexually insecure. She isn’t sure of your affections, and she’s not sure if you find her attractive in that way. Women are used to men making some sort of sexual overture early on if they are interested, and you didn’t. She’s left to wonder why. You’re older, polished, and an artist. You work in television. No doubt you have a stable full of gorgeous starlets, and wannabe starlets hanging about. What would you want with her anyway? Here is where the chase turns both lovely and sinister. It’s all a subconscious motion. When attempting a woman you desire greatly, it is wise to make her feel both flattered and insecure at the same time. At least, she is uncertain of your intentions. That’s what you’ve done.
Now, you must continue the dance. I see you both circling; both waiting and watching. My advice is not to end this process prematurely. This foreplay is invaluable. Men fail often at this point because they allow their egos to run the show. They want that conquest to hold forth as a trophy, proof of their manhood. I don’t expect you to be so foolish. Your power lies in uncertainty, and in stroking her romantic interest to near madness with all your teasing and tormenting. Keep her at a distance. Make her wonder what you’re doing. Be attentive, but don’t contact her too often. Give her space. Let the friendship and tension grow a bit, lathering her with sweet and mild suggestions. You were placed in the “go to bed with” category when she first met you. Her body was won over from the first. Now you’re winning her heart.
When you decide you’re ready, make a decisive move. Reveal your intentions with honesty and vigor. Hold nothing back from her. Too many men play it halfway here, afraid to commit emotionally. It makes them look weak, and a true vixen will turn from their advances. When the moment comes, gather all your strength, and tell this woman of your ardent desire for her. Tell her how you want to worship her. Bring out the poems you’ve written for her, and declare that you would kill or die to be beside her. Kneel before her, take her hands, and kiss them. Make this final blow a fatal one. What you do from there is up to you. I have a feeling the two of you will make a good pair, and be together for a long time. You’re off to a grand start. Enjoy the hunt.