Stop the BS and Grow

Stop Feeling Sorry for Yourself and Get Busy Working Towards the Dream!

The top killers in the US, and quite arguably in the Western World, are heart attacks, diabetes and obesity. What do all of these have in common? Well, stress, of course! And what causes continuously high stress levels that can no longer be dealt with by the body? Being unhappy, feeling powerless, not getting what you want in life and feeling stuck.

How we feel and perceive the world creates our reality, and therefore determines how successful, happy and healthy we are. A twisted mind causes a twisted heart and body! And please, let’s not start with the excuse of happy people getting sick as well. I will always argue that a sick mind and soul are the top reasons for most chronic conditions, such as asthma, fibromyalgia, headaches, chest pains, high blood pressure, high cholesterol levels, obesity, etc.

Let me share how the chain reaction started and then progressed over seven years. I started out with a sick upbringing, which created a sick way of perceiving the world and those in it. I had no tools to attract good things, because I also had no knowledge of what “happy” looked like. I felt most comfortable with other broken people, because they allowed me to shift the focus away from me, as I tried to help them get well. Of course, this plan never worked; instead I kept finding myself betrayed, abandoned, back-stabbed and used; which made me more and more angry, hurt and feeling hopeless and powerless. The more powerless I felt, the less I spoke up and tried to fight back. Instead, I bottled it up, until my body started to become sicker and sicker. I had no energy anymore, which made me not want to move, but sleep all the time. Being inactive made me gain weight, which made me feel worse. Then I started developing asthma, high blood pressure and high cholesterol. I had heart palpitations, chest pains, joint pains and headaches all the time; at one point (six years ago) I had a nervous breakdown, and ended up hospitalized for two weeks. Finally, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia.

Years went by, in which my health would go up and down. The more stress I experienced, the worse things would get for me physically. The doctors would run more tests, give me anti-anxiety meds and steroids and send me on my merry way. My negative experiences and outlook literally turned my body into a toxic dump that was no longer able to properly dispose of stress (hence, high cortisol levels, because my adrenals were working non-stop). I had to make a conscious decision to get well, because I was, in the truest sense, sick and tired.

“Take the time for an honest life review as the most significant modifications are made from the inside out.” – Faith ext. 9608

I have talked about it many times, and feel it is important to repeat it: there has to be some kind of light that goes on in one’s head. Some people may call it rock-bottom, others may call it being tired of their own BS, but there has to be a moment of complete self-awareness. I call it the “oh-shit” moment. As long as people are still afforded some kind of comfort by feeding their own misery and story, they will not shift and continue with their patterns, no matter how miserable they are.

In the past three years, I have finally reached almost all the goals I have set. I finally found the career I wanted, with a company that rivals Yahoo in pay, environment and responsibilities. I am starting my new job on the first of November. I found the man that fits who I am and loves me unconditionally, and I married him. I resolved some of my left-over issues with therapy; I now know how to properly set boundaries. I have disposed of all people, situations and circumstances that were toxic to me, because I finally had the proper tools in my tool belt to do so. I started Pilates, after I completed almost two years of personal training, and bought a bicycle, which I love riding down to the beach. I started meditation again. I sold my house and moved with my husband to a beautiful, amazingly designed and huge space in Playa Vista, with a bathroom the size of a small country!

I left no stone unturned. I didn’t sit on my butt, feeling sorry for myself and waiting for things to magically change or come to me. I did whatever I had to, and while there are still things left to do, I am sure as hell a whole lot closer. I went through a lot, but I’m living the American dream, because I worked my butt off for it. And if I can do it, so can you!

“Going within and becoming the best of who you are is a spiritual goal.” – TeriLynn ext. 9625

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20 thoughts on “Stop the BS and Grow

  1. Patricia

    This article is so intense and meaningful it is so enlightning as well. I grew up in the era where you pretty much go to school, graduate, meet someone and except that person to always make you happy. I have been through many difficult times in my life and it seems the core of my problems have been expecting someone else to make me happy. Your article has clearly shown me a new direction to go. I have been stuck in a “shock” relationship split up and your article will help me tremendously to start going in the right direction. In order to move on you need to stop whining and accept it is what it is, put one foot forward and move on to better things. This was a very inspiration article for me and I will re-read it to make sure once I can get on the right path and I stay on it. A husbands death, 2 job losses, loss of home and loss of new 9 year relationship can get you stuck enough to not move. I realize now with the help of this article I do have the power and can make my life what I deserve and that is happy. Your are an inspiration to me and thank you for that.

  2. Wilbert Flemens



    Thanks Carmen 4 such a good article. Infact I am very happy 2 the extend that I am short of adjectives 2 describe the wisdom u have just put into my coconut. May God bountifully reward u.

  4. Grateful

    Thank you sharing your story. It greatly inspires me. I am making the right choices in my life, now, too. It sure can be scary. Every move I’ve made in the right direction has not been as hard as I imagined. It is a powerful feeling to face my fears and realize I did not need to be scared and I am fine. We are strong. We just need to get out of the victim state.

  5. misskrystal

    Thanks for sharing your wisdom, Carmen. You really have come a long way. So happy for you.
    Your message is profound. And thanks for your inspiration. God Bless you. Happy Holidays.
    Huggies, Miss Krystal

  6. chloeChloe ext. 9421

    Hi Carmen,

    These are some interesting points you make. While I’m not willing to go as far as you and claim all physical illnesses are caused by stress I would agree that many are.

    It is important for us to identify where and how we learned to make bad choices in order to break the negative patterns and begin to make choices that nurture and nourish us.

    You have obviously learned how to do this. Congratulations!

    Love & Light!

    ~Chloe (ext. 9421)

  7. debi

    I am so glad to hear that you have made improvements in your life that have lead you toward self growth and happiness. Keep up the good work…
    “Life is a continuing journey”…

  8. sandra

    well thats a good column.but i have a sero
    ious problem with dealing with my boyfriend.i realy love this guy and i just wish he will propose to me but when i told him is about time he propose to me,he became i wrong to express my feelings to him?

  9. Reed x 5105Reed x 5105

    Although I don’t do readings concerning health, I do often say that what happens in the spirit will, sooner or later, manifest itself in our bodies.
    So often, we want others to change to meet our needs, but often times when we work on changing ourselves we then do get our needs met. Changing ourselves can inspire change in others, can allow us to fulfill our dreams, and may even bring about improvements in our health.

    Reed 5105

  10. Angel Heaven

    First, I want to congratulate to you! What a journey! What a winner you are! Your article touched my nerve. I am on my way out of my own BS-state, although, never got into it as deep as you have; I’m still not completely out and about to actually do something about it except for the therapy part. Sadly, my downing involves somebody who totally fits the “As long as people are still afforded some kind of comfort by feeding their own misery and story, they will not shift and continue their patterns, no matter how miserable they are” – picture. It hurts to see him being stuck, standing in his own development just because it’s more comfortable to stay happily miserable. However, he put a mirror in front me as well and I can clearly see myself in it. It breaks my heart to see that the main reason for us not being able to be together is his lack of “complete awareness” of himself. My only option here is to leave him behind. That’s the sad part that is difficult to get over. Thank you for the article!

  11. Mary

    Carmen, congratulations you are a woman of courage. Reading your article I could not help think how important it will be for you to write a book and reach million of others who can use this lesson. May God continue to bless you the way you have blessed me with article and others.

    Best of all to you!

  12. Lisl

    Excellent, Carmen. I’m not so much with the followers of “The Secret”, but I have little doubt that internalized negativity and extreme denial manifest in the body. If one does not speak her concerns, the body will happily do so for you, and the results will be far harder to undo than if you had merely spoken up.

    It has been very hard for me to use my voice effectively, but as you say, Carmen, once we hit that “Oh, shit!” moment, returning to silence seems impossibly foolish. I cannot imagine waking up and choosing to go back under the rock. It has taken me several “Aha!” moments over many years, but once I was able to remove the blame and assume my power, the “surprise” and disappointment is gone.

    I don’t magically feel better because I must live with the results, but I do know who steers the ship now:

    “I am the master of my fate:
    I am the captain of my soul”
    –Invictus, William Henley

  13. Rose O.

    Thank you so much for your article. It is very inspirational. It is
    hard sometimes to get into a positive state of mind when an emergency happens. But, we always need inspirational articles as
    this one to get us going.

    Thank you.

  14. Sandy

    You had me in the beginning but you took a turn at the end that was in opposition to the premise of having a spiritual goal, living a healthier life? – when did living the American Dream w a huge bathroom, or working your butt off to provide material comforts become spiritual goals?

    “I” created all of this good luck for “myself” – EGO! exit God out – Who helped you? What did you do for anyone else?

    I look forward to your next spiritual awakening, the one after you fall flat on your butt again

  15. Faith ext. 9608Faith ext. 9608

    Fantastic article Carmen, extremely inspiring! Congratulations to you for all your accomplishments. Love this line from your story.

    “As long as people are still afforded some kind of comfort by feeding their own misery and story, they will not shift and continue with their patterns, no matter how miserable they are.”

    It is vital to give up what I call the ‘whining factor’ in order to create success in one’s life. As hard as that may be, breathing in your own power, fueling your own life with realistic options and making your own choices are exceptionally more rewarding than expecting someone else to make you happy. There is always disappointment waiting in the wings when we heap expectations upon others.

    Thank you for this ageless message, Carmen.

    Blessings, Faith ext. 9608

  16. lin

    this is a superb piece of work as I am so like the person you describe you once were and it has given me hope as i know that the light has just gone ‘on’ for me and i am starting a new journey…it has given me great hope that I will make it too

    thanks xx


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