During readings, callers often share that they feel they are being used in relationships, friendships, and even in work situations. Sometimes this is true, and sometimes it isn’t. When we hold on to expectations of others, and experience the disappointments that sometimes accompany them, it isn’t always easy to hold a clear, unbiased understanding of the dynamics at work. Relationships are always complex, nearly never linear, and highly multifaceted. To this end, there are multiple types of users, though most possess the following traits in an overlapping type of construction.
Types of Users
Financial: Will borrow money, ask for credit cards, and use a variety of manipulation tactics to gain money, gifts, etc. from the person in question. This person is never in the financial position to reciprocate, and often brags about purchases and acquisitions, yet complains constantly about being broke.
Ladder-Climbers: Most often seen in the corporate/business arena. Can be male or female, and will do his or her best to win co-worker and boss approval, tailoring personality traits, interests, and persona like a chameleon. These individuals are those we often see move up in our workplaces to elevated positions for which they lack education and experience to attain on their own. Mentors beware.
Friends: Guys or girls, these are always the people in your life with drama, in constant need of support, advice or an ear, and favors. These folks mysteriously disappear or suddenly become very busy (and MIA) when you need some support of your own.
Relationships: The partner takes little to no interest in your interests, what’s going on with you or your feelings, and also lacks consistent efforts attempting to please you, spend money or time on/with you, or do things that make you feel special. This person often makes plans with you and quickly tries to get physical… and then splits. Contact is usually very inconsistent and only on this other person’s terms and timetable.
Make a list of the person(s) in question with two columns—one for the good about this person and one for the bad. Itemize, use descriptions, and ask yourself how you really feel about each item on your list. If the “bad” side wins over by a long way, you have your answer rather quickly. Following, take a few days to look over your list when you feel relatively neutral, so you can objectively think about what you have down. If you still feel conflicted, give yourself some time. Should you find yourself adding to your positive side when in the neutral state of mind, or conflicted about how you really feel about the situation, perhaps its time to honestly reconsider your own role, biases, and/or insecurities in the situation…
The bottom line is that weeding people out of our lives (that we’ve either outgrown or who fail to contribute in a positive and supportive way) is never pleasant. However, putting our feelings and the facts onto paper in a simple fashion can always help provide the clarity we need to make tough decisions.