Relationship Expectations: You’re Doing It Wrong!

There are times when we are in a shitty spot in our life. These times can last a while. But if  you find yourself alone year after year, and if you keep getting rejected for the same reasons, chances are it isn’t them – it’s you. Try taking a long hard look at yourself instead of blaming others.

Here are some behaviors that are totally and utterly unattractive to both genders. Any of them sound familiar?

1. The Martyr

The type that enters a room as if they have been beaten over the head, carrying an imaginary cross on their shoulders. When approached by an attractive member of the opposite sex, they tend to go into rants about why they are single. Healthy people will quickly run away, while the unhealthy ones will try to fix them. In either case, they’ll be single again soon enough.

2. Kick Me

This is the type who goes on and on about not being able to find a single “nice” woman or man. This is because they usually reject nice women or men. “Kick Me”s are usually attracted to people who make them feel worse about themselves, because they tend to mistake feeling shitty with fearful adrenaline rushes and excitement. The worse you treat them or the more you ignore/reject them, the more they’ll be into you.

3. Excuse Queens

They have a ton of excuses for not doing the right thing. There is always a “but,” and no rhyme or reason ever wins. After a while, no one will be interested in telling them anything true or worthwhile anymore, and again, Mr./Mrs. But remains left alone in the dust. (Except when they attract another “but” person. Good luck having those two together.)

4. Shallow Hal

These are the ones who whine about not finding “the one,” because there simply aren’t enough men and women out there who are in their preferred looks, income, age, and “type” group. They can only date “their type.” Their values are based on superficial exterior traits, which they then stubbornly defend by saying “it’s not my fault that I’m not attracted to/don’t have chemistry with my non-type.”

5. The Downer

The glass is always half empty for them. They have been wronged, cheated on, dumped and neglected, and never got over it. They create their future from their past and cannot even imagine ever being happy, which attracts more of the same. They tend to drain the living hell out of most people, and hence remain alone.

Happiness and love are something that we create. There isn’t a lottery out there that dishes out “happy” to some and the “ass card” to another. There is a HUGE difference between taking a cold, hard look at yourself and adjusting your expectations, and settling. Somehow, the people mentioned here stubbornly insist that letting go of their crap is a form of settling. Nothing could be further from the truth.

We all attract mirror images of ourselves, as well as exactly what we think we deserve. The jig is up! People can spot low self-esteem and broken souls from a mile away. The healthy people will actually stay clear of you, which leaves you with the unhealthy and crazy ones. And I have been ALL of the above at some point or another in my life! Pulling my head out of my butt and finally learning to love and respect myself brought me all the things I used to whine about not having. When one points the finger at another, three fingers point back at you!

7 thoughts on “Relationship Expectations: You’re Doing It Wrong!

  1. Pingback: Date Your Anti-Type | California Psychics Blog

  2. Gina Rose ext.9500Gina Rose ext.9500

    Hi Carmen,
    I just read the full article at your site…..you go girl !!!!!!

    Just keep on telling it the way it is……even if only one person ” gets it ” you’ve done good!!!!!!

    It’s all about taking back your power, feeling good about yourself first….being a WHOLE individual first…..

    Way to go…..

    Blessed Be )O(
    Gina Rose ext.9500

    Reply
  3. Carmen

    It just saddened me. It saddened me to watch people I deeply care about repeat the same stupid dance over and over, while getting more and more toxic. They find themselves pretty isolated, or surrounded by superficial/useless friends. Yes, I do see that some of them are perfectly content with having such friends, because at least they’ll keep hearing how it isn’t their fault and to “keep the chin up,” blah, blah.

    I don’t get it. I don’t get how one can create the same outcome year after year and never once think “ONE common denominator, ME!”

    And again, Gina Rose, the full version is on my psychicdonut blog. It sounds a bit harsher on there *hangs head in shame*

    Reply
  4. maryannex9146Maryanne x9146

    Hi, Carmen,

    Wonderful article with explicit explanations of how we all, from time to time, hold ourselves back from allowing ourselves to find a relationship.

    Is it fear? Is it defensive because of past hurts? The basis for it probably doesn’t matter as much as taking a long look at ourselves and at our expectations. You are so right-there is a huge difference between taking a sincere look at our boundaries and requirements and lowering them.

    Sincerely,

    Maryanne
    Ext. 9146

    Reply
  5. Abigailx9570

    Carmen,
    You are a kick in the pants girl!!! Love how you put things great stuff.

    Many Blessings
    ~Abigail~

    Reply
  6. misskrystalmisskrystal

    Carmen-
    I know so many Shallow Hal people in my life. People that I am close with. It is so sad.
    They don’t really want a relationship. Excuses galore.
    I like the breakdown. Excellent article.
    Hugs,
    Miss Krystal

    Reply
  7. Gina Rose ext.9500Gina Rose ext.9500

    Hi Carmen,
    This was the BEST article I think I’ve read since the blog first started….at the very least,… in the top ten.

    And all true…..as I think about it….I’d say the ” downer ” type is the most ‘interesting’ type to read for….

    Blessed Be )O(
    Gina Rose ext.9500

    Reply

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