Women Who Wait

Some of the most common calls I get are from women who are waiting for the man they love to get a divorce from the woman he is married to. These women want to know if I can see when exactly their man will get a divorce so that he will be free to marry them.

Time flies. The older we get, the quicker time seems to pass. When I was six years old, every Christmas seemed to take two years, not one, to arrive! Now the days whiz past, and Christmas seems to come every six months or so! My husband and I were marveling just the other day about how many anniversaries had passed, when it feels like we’ve been together just a few years.

I feel empathy for the women who call – they’ve put their lives on hold for someone who is already committed to another, at least legally. The man may assure his woman that his heart is hers, but there’s still that piece of paper that legally ties him to another. And this is what the world sees.

I’ve done readings for women who have waited for two years, three years, nine years and more. I feel their pain, and realize that they do love the man in question. But what kind of life are they leading while they wait? Typically, they see him when he has the time. But holidays are reserved for his family. Vacations? These are usually family affairs. The other woman is sandwiched in whenever he has the time, but he assures her that he is working toward a divorce, that he loves her and to be patient.

I’m not judgmental about these situations. At the same time, when I do these readings, I see that happiness is very difficult to build on the unhappiness of others. There just seems to be some type of balance in nature where wishing negative things for another (the wife) will not produce positive results for another (the other woman).

And time passes and passes. Days, months and years go by, while the woman waits. Her life is on hold while she waits for the man. Time that could be spent happily with another is not. Women assure me that the man is their soul mate, the only one for them. But I usually see that there is another for them. He’s out there, but they’re afraid to let go of the one that they have a partial relationship with to be receptive to a total relationship with another. They don’t believe that there’s more than one man they could love.

Time flies. In this life, we should treasure each moment as if it were the last that we have. And each moment that goes by should be actively valued. Do we have enough time to just wait? To wait for something that may or may not happen?

What do you think?

32 thoughts on “Women Who Wait

  1. Rosangela

    Whatever the reason you caethed you not only made a huge mistake but you must accept the fact it was a life altering one. I do not know you and your situation so I would like to refrain from judging you by your heinous story. But your real judgement will come with the decisions you make from this point forward with regard to your daughter. You probably have a legal right to be part of her life. Now you have a real responsibilty. You should do whatever you can, whenever you can for her. Buy her everything she needs. If you are not currently living with her just drop it off to her. Expect no reward. Expect nothing. Just give and don’t think about yourself. If you do this and prove to your wife you care then maybe your wife will begin to forgive. Either way don’t let that baby suffer. Good luck doodlebug..LW.

  2. crimson

    I was officially separated just over a year ago, and basically left on my own a year and half prior to that. Since that time, a long time friend and I have been drawn together through several situations that have occurred. He always seemed to be there at the crucial moment. :o) We have discovered we have so very much in common and over the months have developed very intense feelings for each other. He has been married for many years and has two almost grown children. His wife and himself have grown apart over the years and are basically friends living under the same roof. They have often discussed the fact that once the children are on their own their marriage will dissolve. Lately our relationship has intensified emotionally and spiritually yet I have been seeing somewhat less of him. I have been told by several psychics that he and his wife will go their separate ways sometime in the next year or so. His “absence” in my life at the moment is described as a time when he is trying to deal with his situation at home and what he will have to accomplish. He is very dedicated to his children and their welface is of the utmost importance to him. In a situation like this, is waiting the thing to do. Although it is difficult on a day to day basis, the outcome being predicted by the psychics would be wonderful. Thanks!

  3. epsomgrove10

    I was with a man who lived with a partner, he wasn’t married and when i first met him he told me he was single, we started dating and for the first month or so we seen each other three or four times a week, he called me early every morning and when we weren’t together we would chat on the phone, he would stay at mine at least twice a week sometimes more, after a while he had a partner he lived with and a son of 10, he also told me that he wasn’t happy with her and they led separate lives. He told me they were only together because of his son, i believed him as he seemed so sincere, that was over five years ago. His son has now recently left school and still he made excuses why he couldn’t. I loved this man so much and thought i had met my soul mate when i met him after being in a abusive marriage for a long time then in another long relationship with a alcoholic he seemed the perfect man, i have now ended our relationship as i have realised that he will never leave, i am 47 and have come to the time in my life that i want to be settled down and realised that i will never be able to do that with this man. I feel that i have wasted five and a half years of my life waiting for him so i made the decision to end it, it has been hard as i do miss him, but know i have made the right choice. He is constantly texting me and calling me saying he misses me and loves me but i am staying strong. I would tell women who is about to go into a relationship like this to walk away because i have learned the hard way.

  4. observer

    Hi Harley666,

    Maybe you should look more closely into that pattern of 15 years, 3 months .. You’ve earned that “knowledge” the hard way – try to put it to good use.
    Ask an astrologer to find out what planetary aspects had that influience and most of all find out about the compatibility and the Timing for your new relationship. I think that astrology would help you in finding out what you CAN and MUST do with a specific man. If I’d be you, I’d search exactly that.
    Good luck!

  5. victoria135

    I read most of the commentary on the posted article. And everyone had good reasons for being the “other woman”, as well as reasons not to do it. And it all certainly provided lots of food for thought.

    I too have waited in the wings so to speak for a married man. I did it for about 5 years. And he treated me very well within the parameters of our relationship. But the reality is, that I did get attached. And it was after a while hard to know he was with the wife and family during the holidays and other special occasions. It was also difficult after a while to know I was only getting the leftovers of his time once everything else in his life was taken care of. But I stayed with it, hoping things would change. I suppose I wanted the challenge of thinking I could eventually have him. But looking back, I also had severe self-esteem issues at the time and deep down didn’t think I deserved to have anything better.

    That’s 5 years in the past now. And after that length of time of working on myself and realizing that didn’t need man to complete me (even the wrong one) and cultivating a variety of interests, my life has changed for the infinitely better. A year ago in August, I have met the love of my life. And as of November of last year we’ve been engaged. And one great thing about all of this is that during the holidays he is with me, and not skipping off to spend it with a wife.

    In closing, I strongly support those ladies out there in that situation who are doing it, because it sincerely works for them. I am in no position to judge. I too have walked in those shoes. But I would also caution those who are only doing it because they feel they should have to settle. Every woman is unique and special, and deserves to be treated as such. And everybody’s situation is different as well,

    Blessings to you all.

  6. virlibsco61

    It never ceases to amaze me, how people are quick to judge a situation without knowing the actual circumstances involved. For instance, I’ve been involved with a married man for over 3 years, who was also my friend for 2 years prior to our relationship, and believe it or not, I am NOT one of those women who’s waiting for him to leave his wife. I am also NOT a woman who has self esteem issues, self-destructive tendencies or high expectations of something that was never promised, wished for or asked of in the duration of our affair. I am the OTHER woman, I relish the role and what we have works for me. People find it hard to believe that a woman like me (divorced for more than 20 years) can be happy with this kind of arrangement. Well, I realized that I wasn’t the marrying kind until I fixed my issues of “self” rather than the ones I thought existed in my relationship with men in general. Then I had to come to terms about my “high ideals” of the perfect man, and work on what “I” could bring into the relationship, instead of what he can give me. Respect is not a word often used in someone’s “must have list”, but one I argue over with people who think they’re trying to save me. Respect is the foundation of our relationship. I assure you it is a most mutual one. He never lies to me and if I needed him in a situation that would expose our affair, I know he’s do it in a second. I was (and still am) completely aware of what I was getting myself into in the beginning, except to find him more wonderful, loving and caring. A man who deserves all the happiness his wife AND myself can give him. However her not knowing spares her the pain of what she lack in providing him, and i never wish her any ill harm as she is his life partner. My only concern is enjoying each precious moment I have with him for whatever its worth and for however long it last. When I’m asked those “what if” possibilities, although the thought may be a pleasant one, it is not my reality and I’m not stupid enough to put myself through such hopeless pain.

  7. jessica

    Dear Trishims and Everyone,

    (Great name, Trishisms!) I grew up believing that my paternal grandparents had divorced (in the 1950’s) and then, my grandfather had reconnected with his high school sweetheart, Mary (from back around 1920). But because of some family discussions around a number of difficult topics, my aunt told my brother and me just this week, a couple of stories that illustrate that, in fact, my grandfather and Mary had reconnected while my grandparents were still married.

    Among his papers, after he died, was found a note to himself that read simply, “Mary and me…our happiness.”

    I loved my grandparents very much and have a world of appreciation for who each of them was. They were amazing human beings.

    There are two things here: one, my grandfather left my grandmother for another woman; and two, he wasn’t happy with my grandmother, and while my grandmother was vivacious, gorgeous, talented, bright, socially adept, and would just light up a room, she was also hot-tempered, partied too much in her socialite world, and could be very difficult to handle. She often wasn’t “there” for my father and uncle, and my guess is that my grandfather, far from perfect himself, had had enough of all that.

    My grandmother was also steeped in Victorian values and her sexual parameters likely left my grandfather feeling alone. Was he right to leave for another woman? No. He probably “should” have finished one thing before starting another. But life is complicated, and again, while I loved and still do, both my grandparents very much, the problem was not Mary. The problem was what each of my grandparents did and did not contribute to the relationship; and, very likely, they were highly incompatible to begin with.

    My grandfather and Mary married, lived in Western MA until his death, and were deeply happy. Things just worked for them. And Mary, while a lovely woman, was not the slender, shapely, gorgeous woman that my grandmother was. She was short, rather plump, and looked the quintessential grandmother. He wanted her and was happy, no doubt, because he simply felt good with her.

  8. athena

    Hi tansy, I must say that my situation as of this time is similar.. I am attached to a married man for over 4 years, he kept on telling me that I have to wait because he still studying and depending to his wife who is an OFW , as time goes by, I started thinking that maybe just wasting my time here instead of finding the right man for me.And he always telling me that he did’nt love his wife he just marry her because of some circumstances. But, every time I tried to let go I felt I cant do it because i really love him.

    Friends out there pls help me sort this things out of my life. I want also to find the real happiness and the contentment of heart.


  9. trishisms

    Good Point there Killtastic but let me see if I understand this, If your husband cheated on you, you would blame the woman not him?? That doesnt make any sense. His loyalty to be to you not some stranger. If anyone ever cheated on me I would never blame the other women and maybe not even blame him! If you met someone that you felt a connection with that was overwhelming while married to someone that you no longer have any interest in and just stay for the sake of all the other things what would you do?

  10. jessica

    Hello to everyone who’s been commenting on this article, and to you Tansy!

    I have a little food for thought…

    Until a few weeks ago, I was involved with a man I loved very much…a married man. Two and half years we were together in a sense. Half of that time we were very close, the best of friends, and the second half was a nightmare of miscommunication, related assumptions, and resulting almost estrangement.

    All I cared about was breaking through the miscommunication so that we could at least be on the same plane after having been so close.

    I spoke to 2 different CP psychics. When I called, I was looking for help in understanding how to break through the confusion with this man. I would gladly have brought an end to the relationship, but I just wanted to communicate effectively so that neither he or I would have to walk away wondering what had really happened! With both calls, as soon as it was brought to light that he’s married, the psychic jumped to the conclusion that I wanted to know when he was going to leave his wife.

    That wasn’t what I wanted to know, but because that assumption was made, the call took a different direction and my minutes were used up before I could get to what really mattered to me.

    What’s my point? I guess it’s just that things aren’t always so b&w. Married people who have affairs, clearly have things they’re trying to work out, and people who agree to become involved with married people, also have things they’re trying to work out. Assuming that a woman who’s involved with a married man is waiting for him to leave his wife, is one thing for the general population, but I don’t think it’s a generalization that should be made by psychics.

    I believe that psychics have a genuine desire to help people to grow and learn from their connections with others, including affairs with married people. Assumptions get in the way of that mission. It’s a pitfall of many professions–being pressed for time, and having one’s energy tapped incessantly with what appear to be similar demands…but those aren’t always as similar as they appear on the surface.

  11. searita4

    Tansy you have done a service for all of these modern ladies in waiting. Many years ago I read an article in Ann Landers rebutting a letter from the other woman who was tired of waiting and Ann told her to move on, the Rebutter wrote in and told Ann that she protested the fact that Ann made the other woman out to be a victim instead of a woman of the world, she said “whenever I see him he’s in a good mood, he takes me to dinners, we travel, see shows, we have great sex and I never have to do his dirty laundry. I must in this day and age state further that she in fact is his dirty laundry. She is not acknowledged publicly and is discriminately and openly ridiculed and outcasted. What friend who knows this woman who is seeing a married man doesn’t see the lack of boundary and invites her into her world afterwards. Ladies, this is a serious lesson we all must learn. Nobody cares what the excuse they care that you have one that allows a breach in respect for a union as fair game and open territory. We see proof in all of the other women selling their stories to tabloids and television. These women are bitter. In the end what are you left with but a compromised soul, friends who won’t trust you and vengeance. Ladies you were wrong from the go no matter what your story is and that’s the sad truth. We’ve come so far Ladies….let em go, they aren’t worth it.

  12. thatstringalongguy

    Good advice. Not a very good position for any woman to be in, or to be the guy either. My love interest has waited over 5 years for me now. I look back on what I have put her through and find it difficult to even imagine what she has endured for me. I want to finish up my divorce, and have an incredibly difficult time moving forward.

    This is a woman I tried to marry decades ago, who left me, but I never stopped loving her. Years later facing a failed abusive marriage, after shutting this woman out of my mind all that time, I turned to her for support. I took steps to stand up to the abuse, and told my wife I was leaving her, not knowing how I would do it, how to manage with the kids, but wanting a life to look forward to.

    The response shocked me- my wife wanted to save the marriage. I was no longer confident that it was right to leave her, not knowing what the kids would go through in the process.

    I agreed to be just friends with the woman I love, but I was still deeply in love with her. I went through counselling with my wife, but felt that going back into the marriage was like laying down in a coffin and closing the lid, and I couldnt do it again. Finally after trying for another year, the situation became abusive again, and I moved out.

    I was hopeful that things would move forward. But I soon lost my job, and was unable to begin the life I wanted, and while continuing to provide support for the family I was still responsible to. Since this time, I have moved thousands of miles away to try and find work, far from my kids, far from the woman I love, and yet still am far from rebuilding the financial stability that was destroyed in the marriage. I am just not yet able to relocate to live with the woman I want to be with, unless I accept a life of financial struggle- not something I want to bring her into.

    My ex has done nothing to make herself employable. and until the last few months I havent been able to see a financial arrangement we could agree upon that looks viable to me. Others feel I am being too soft, but I cant take a hard stance. I already feel bad to break the promise I made in marrying her. and even though I want out, but I still feel responsible. Although the courts have already stepped in on behalf of the custody arrangement, only now do we have the beginning of a financial arrangement drafted.

    So now 5 years have gone by, and the woman I love still waits for me. Maybe for some guys they never really intend to start a new life. For me, its the one hope that keeps me going.

  13. thatstringalongguy

    Good advice.
    We agreed to be just friends, but I was still deeply in love with her. I went through counselling with my wife, but felt that going back into the marriage was like laying down in a coffin and closing the lid, and I couldnt do it again. Finally after trying for another year, the situation became abusive again, and I moved out. But I soon lost my job, and was unable to begin the life I wanted, and while continuing to provide support for the family I was still responsible to.

    Since this time, I have moved thousands of miles to try and find work, far from my kids, far from the woman I love, and still far from rebuilding the financial stability that was destroyed in the marriage and being able to relocate to live with the woman

  14. trishisms

    Wow, I have to admit this topic trully does have my interest. I was involved with a married man when I was in my early twenties and was really left hurt and depressed to the point of ending up in a therapist chair. Everything about it screams WRONG thing to do, but I think what we are really discussing is passion and love perhaps, and that is why it isnt so simple and cut and dry. Love makes most of us kinda stupid lets admit it. Fast forward 17 years later and we reconnected on Facebook and all the old passionate memories came rushing back as if we didnt miss a step. I sincerely believe at least in my circumstance there was some real feelings there equally. I have never met anyone since that has stimulated me like him to this day he is still my fantasy dream man. We both have put this on a long pause since our last discussion recently because we dont want to hurt anyone and for all I know we may never speak again. I dont want him to leave his wife to be honest with you all, In fact him being incapable of a relationship excites me even more. I deliberately want a affair that doesnt resemble marriage. I feel guilty for admitting this but I think its the unattainable quality that makes these men so insatiable. If there wasnt the triangle or the challenge and drama perhaps maybe we wouldnt be so mystified??? All I know is feelings are right or wrong really there just feelings and I dont know if given the opportunity if I would be strong enough to resist even after all of the awareness of consequence. I honestly dont care about his wife or his kids to be brutally honest here, isnt him that should care about that part? I dont want to marry him, I would rather be the mistress that he is actually honest with then the wife he lies to and pretends to be someone he isnt. It hurts when other women blame women like me accusing us of being the homewreckers when isnt the married person you should be criticizing? I am not married and if I was I honestly believe that I probably would be loyal otherwise I wouldnt be married. The therapist taught me something so valuable – Its never okay to love someone more than you love yourself! I live life with the full knowing that I cant control it all and whatever happens – happens. We arent perfect and I think fingerpointing is counter productive. If a man cheated on me I would simply accept that and sure perhaps be hurt but why would you want someone who doesnt feel the same way that you do? If I was lucky enough to find it once maybe I will still be lucky enough to find it twice but I am 40 now so the odds are against me. I have never been with any other married men he was and still is the exception. Ahh the exception….. hmmm I guess the question is, is it worth the risks?

  15. killtastic82

    Well, I’m married, and I just want to say you girls who are knowingly getting into relationships with married/taken men, are pretty much getting what you deserve. And don’t even try to come at me with that tired “well if not me it would just be someone else.”, excuse. Y’all are jackin’ up your own karmas and bringin’ it all on yourselves by participating in the destruction of the marital union/committed relationship, ect. You reap what you sow……..

  16. lilith

    Hi Tansy,

    This is a scenario that many women had passed through and suffered. The worst thing is that we, driven by our feelings, are ready to commit to waiting and our hopes are reinforced by even little attention from the side of the beloved one.
    I was once at the same situation where the guy was telling me he would divorce his wife, becase he hadn’t been in love with her long before he had met me. Took me couple of months to see that, although he might not have loved her, he was not having the guts to make the first step. Just because in a family there is more than just the love – there are the kids, the parents, the common friends that “would judge” him etc … So – all of this is a headache for him – and we all know that most men try to live it the eaasy way (which, as a general concept in life, is not so much to blame at the end).
    So I walked away. Then he started chasing me. Waiting below my front door in his car to see when I am going out, trying to call, presenting himself as a delivery man or something, calling my ex-company on the number that I had given him previously. That kept on going for sometime although I was not responsive. I was not playing with him. I just wanted my peace, because although I was the one to walk away, I am sure I was more hurt than himself (he had previously cheated on his wife as well – I hadn’t been the first one – he was the one to tell me this information). A man would do anything to have a woman – with no exception. The hardest it becomes – the more motivated he feels. Their predatory instinct is very strong when it comes to possessing the female they are interested in. But – as he had also told me – once a man has a woman – his interest immediately drops. And if there are other factors (like a dominant wife or so) – they start trying to go out the easy way, giving excuses.

    Till now – some years later, he had mentioned from time to time to common friends that he had been ready to leave his wife for me. Was that true? I don’t think so. I am only happy I walked away quite fast.

    A cheating man is not worth it – because he lies to both women. If a man lies to his wife and cheats on her – what good would he do to his lover – even if he divorced and married her??? He will just find a substitute later one for that one too.
    But … of course … there are exceptions in life …

  17. startup

    Interesting reading the comments above.Lot to be said for each perspective.I totally agree that its a bad idea to fall in love with a married man and that its even worse to be hanging around waiting for him to divorce when you should have known better in the first place.I often wonder why it is that despite all the wisdom around,people still make mistakes.However the fact of the matter is that they do and will continue to do so regardless of everything that is known or unknown.To all those who have moved on after cutting their losses,congratulations! And to those wives who feel betrayed by what has happened to them,try not to blame the other woman, one really never loses what one truly has.I am more intrigued by Maria’s response which appears the most reasonable.The question really is what you are looking for.Often in these modern times, relationships must suit personalities and situations.Why does everyone want what they feel everyone else has? No two people are alike.Its often worthwhile looking at what makes you happy.If the relationship satisfies you in the present, be happy with it.If it doesnt and you have another option, move on.Remember if he hasnt committed to you, you are free too!!! Hope this helps everyone in angst.I like the idea that one learns from whatever situation you are in,so long as you like the lessons you are learning and feel richer by them.For everyone, the real lesson is to be happy with yourself.remember you came into this world alone and will leave alone.Everything else is bonus!! So to everyone.please stop playing the victim! If you can stop letting yourself be defined by circumstances,that would be a good start!

  18. crazybeautiful10

    well well well . . this is me all over lol im in love wit a wonderful just so amazing man catch is he is married but over the 3 years he has made a lot of progress toward divorce and almost to that point i can hardly wait sick of waiting but its true wat u have written here thats exactly wat he tells me and thats exactly how i feel about him ! We had some ups and downs but were really close 🙂 feel like we really are all most to the point of being together. . there is hope and lil doubt also but i just hope for the best and i really do just love him to death hope im one the lucky few that he really does leave his wife for . . most the time they dont and im just hopful

  19. chelles

    This article hits way too close to home. For 13 years I have been with a man who has another. Waiting and waiting for my chance to prove myself worthy of him and capable of making and keeping him happy. The sad thing is that it has taken me 13 years to realize I will never have that chance. He is comfortable and wants to stay with his wife. I know because he’s been leaving for 13 years. It take no man or woman that long to realize they are unhappy and fed up with a situation and if they say it is complicated, they are lying!! We all have a breaking point and the truth is, when that point is reached, nothing and noone can deter us from abandoning the situation. I am deeply in love with this man and do feel that he is the only man who will ever be able to touch me the way he does, make me feel as warm and fuzzy as he does and know every bit of me the way he does, but none of that takes away from the horrible gut punching feeling I get when we lay together and his phone rings and its her on the other end and he answers!!! That is the most selfish, irritating, disrespectful thing that a man can do. And I Finally, reached my breaking point. Thanks for this article and for allowing me to share.

    1. Suz

      I have been waiting for over 7 years. I didn’t find out he was married until I invested in the relationship 6 months and felt deceived for sure. I am in love with him but I am having difficulty breaking it off. He always has excuses for everything and I know I am worthy of someone who will be there for me but when he comes around he gives just enough to keep me waiting. I feel so many things including embarrassment because I know better

  20. ling

    Hi Tansy,

    I wish I could have read what you’ve wrote earlier and I am totally agreed of what you’ve mentioned. It seems that most women are just so blindly in love and trust the man they thought they love and knew… never expected that eventually men will not divorce and will always stay with their wife….most men just lied to benefit themselve and like you said, days, weeks, months and years passes, they will still give the same excuses that they love you, be patient and soon they will divorce……but they will not and NEVER!

    Yeah and all the special occasions like Xmas, b’days, valentine’s day, New year many many more, all he spend with his family and he was able to make up some excuses the woman to believe him.

    I was one of the victim:( I trust the man that I though he love me and wanted to be with me…but after 3years of waiting, I realized he was just making used of me for his own sexual needs and fantasies. I felt betrayed n stupid and been fool by all his sweet talk and thought he was a good guy in the beginning. In fact he was a selfish man who only care for himself more then anyone esle and that is scary!

    He never love me at all and i finally confronted him and what made me feel worse was he’ve pushed all the blame on me and said that I was stupid to trust him and that he was not totally responsible for what had happened:(( I have loads of anger and felt sad after hearing what came out of his mouth. I knew I have wasted my 3yrs of time and love on him. And I ended up being accused by others that I am a family breaker and a 3rd party, a slut…….nobody know and understand what happened and how I’ve been through:( Its not a nice feeling and I feel miserable and regretted very much to trust him too much that my own life and happiness is ruin.

    I was also despair and have depression as I couldnt accept this would happened to me. I was blind and madly in love with him when he finally know he don’t need me anymore, he showed his true color and push me away and pretended to be a good husband again….as his wife did not know he cheated on her.

    I advised all women out their never to trust any married men that they will leave and divorce their wifes for you unless he’ve showed you the divorce paper from court and not separation one coz that can be a false one which happened to me. Men can do anything to get you in the beginning but after some times when they are tired of having fun with you, they’ll move on to the next one and will tell you all kind of excuses just to get rid of you, so that they can get away with it.

    Men in fact are all the same, they can resist temptation and they love to lie to get attention. And that is why I understand why most women who are like me, after get hurt by loved one , or still want to keep waiting for that man to leave their wife, are afraid to look out for another to love, coz we all are more afraid of being hurt and used by another man again.

    I dont think i would be able to trust any men anymore and will not search for any true love again to prevent from being used and hurt again. I wish good luck to all girls/women who looking for ltrue ove, be careful and find out more about him before commit yourself to him. If he is really serious of you, he will married you and take care of you till old!

  21. Joy Roberts-Pease

    You know, I believe that there are certain laws that rule the universe. You tell the story about the poor women who wait on the side line for their lovers to leave their wife’s so that they can move happily into the sun set with another woman’s husband. What’s wrong with that picture? Here it is they want sympathy because they haven’t been successful in breaking up a marriage. I don’t get that line of thinking. I call it STINKING THINKING. It smells. We live in an age where everyone wants to be politically correct and there is no right and wrong anymore. I think you have to think that some things are not right to do.
    If a married man hits on you, you shouldn’t see it as an opportunity to get yourself a man. Do people really expect to find happiness at the expense of others? I don’t feel sorry for women or men who think like this. If a man is married, he’s off limits, walk away that’s the right thing to do. You might be attracted to the man, but you don’t have any vested feelings at that point. WALK AWAY! If he’s truly unhappy in his marriage and there is no hope for recovery, he will get a divorce and then if he approaches you, you had nothing to do with the break up of his marriage. You would then be within your rights to pay him some attention. I believe that there are laws in this universe and what goes around comes around. If you set out to take something that is not rightfully your, there is A PRICE TO PAY! You might even be successful in breaking up the marriage, but I believe in KARMA.

  22. harley666

    15 years ago I had an affair with a married man, after 3 months I decided to walk away & never look back. After that I swore I would never, ever be involved with a married man. Well, 15 years later there I’ve gone & done it again. When I first met Victor, it was an instant attraction. His charm & sense of humor really attracted me, the attention he showered me with was unbelieveable. Well, after 3 months of dating I realized he was still with his xwife. I mentioned it to him & he was honest enough to tell me “Yes” he was living with his xwife again. They are divorced but they live together. He swore he loved me but I know deep down he’ll never be mine. So, I’ve chosen to walk away from the 6 month relationship. As heartbreaking as it is & feels I know this is the best thing for me to do. Victor will always hold a special place in my heart. In time, I know I’ll be fine & I look forward to the day I find my true mate in life.

  23. maria

    Hi Tansy,
    This is a very interesting subject for me, since I’m in a kind of similar relationship to the one you’re describing. I get a bit anxious when I get into this subject, and I think it’s because I know that I have an inner conflict around this. I’m also working as a psychic on the phone (in Norway), and I have lots of clients like these. Usually the classic type of waiting the way you’re describing it, but there are also the ones that really are heading towards a life together with the loved one. I think if too many years pass like this you are probably doing yourself a disservice, being hung up on something that just doesn’t move forward, and cheating yourself out of real companionship (it that’s what you’re looking for…) In my own case, I met a man about a year ago, who is still under the same roof as his wife, for economic reasons, but “internally” separated, even behind closed doors each of them, hardly speaking to eachother. This started at least a year before I knew him. His wife knows about me, their house is on the market, but things are moving very slowly, at least partly because of the housing situation all over Europe (we live in Spain). When I met him it didn’t even occur to me that he might be married, I took for granted he wasn’t, when we got into talking about this I’m sure he said he was separated. Well, supposedly that meant “internally” separated, but in my mind I just assumed they were actually living apart. I found out they were under the same roof still, because I said something that made him realize I thought they were’nt, so he said: “hang on, my wife and I are still under the same roof you know”. Strange way for an experienced person like me to behave, especially since I’ve always been adamantly against having a relationship with a married man!!! Now, this separation process is a bit too slow for my own liking (for economic reasons so I’m told), but whenever I think about this I can’t get round the fact that I really like him very much. It was such a coincidence when we met, I had been without any realtionship for at least a couple of years, and I wasn’t looking. I still am not, in the sense that I’m quite happy with the way I lead my life, and I don’t feel I want a relationship that ties me up too much. I know it doesn’t have to be like that, but very often that’s what it becomes. I also have a daughter of 16 staying with me for at least a couple more years, and we don’t live in the same place, but 100 kms apart. Naturally I’m thinking about how long this can GO on before I feel that I have to MOVE on, because there is certainly a limit to this “inbetween” relationwize life for me. I just don’t know where that limit is. I just hope all will go well, without any of us being hurt too much in hte process. Certainly I don’t want anything bad for his wife either, but I don’t feel I need to concern myself too much with her situation or feelings. She’s a grown up person and has to take responsibility for her own actions and desires, just as I have to.
    I find the subject intriguing, and I have quite clear views on it, but I’m having to realize and admit that all situations in life aren’t as clearcut and obvious as I once liked to believe. As time has passed I’ve also become aware that there is a reason for ME to be in this kind of relationship, however much I might dislike it, there is a lesson for me in it. Among possibly other things, I think I need to be able to be INDEPENDANT in a realtionship, to not lose myself and adapt too much to another person. This relationship and the conflicting emotions that it brings (because of his situation) has made me realize that I have to focus on what’s going on in MY life, and not in his, and this is not at all negative for me.
    That’s it for now, all the best to you Tansy. I’d love to call you, but I’m on a Norwegian line, and I simply can’t get through to you over the phone. If I could pay with a VISA card it might be done though.
    So take care, and thanks for all the insight from you and other psychics on thes page, among the best I’ve read anywhere.. 🙂 !!!
    Love, Maria

  24. crimson

    Your article is interesting but for me rather confusing. I have spoken with one of your psychics and also received readings from a couple more that all provide a similar future “scenario” for me. Being in this situation (in love with a man who is still in a “legal” relationship), yet I have been told that he will break free and leave his situation in four months according to one psychic. Another told me that this same thing would happen around my birth time (end-October) and the third psychic told me he would be free in months (but less than a year) and that was back in February. In this case, do you feel that waiting is the right thing to do if I choose to, or would it be better to search “outside” for a different type of relationship? Of course I would like to be able to put faith in what I have been told. Thank you. :o)

  25. sazerac

    Hi Tansy,
    I understand that the post is titled “WOMEN who wait”, but why is it that the subject of Men who wait also is not addressed? Is that so removed from the topic as to not even merit a mention? I am curious. We live in a different age, where roles are often reversed and women have made social strides beyond the traditional “waiting for a man” era. I would like to “hear” your thoughts about women who absolutely allow the same situation to unfold, but are forever unable to follow their heart, and leave their husband for their true soul mate. The implicit notion MAY be that men are somehow above allowing themselves to be a part of that type of relationship, that they would just move on, perhaps to find a more available women. Not to be too blunt, but that seems a little sexist to me and it puts women in a victim role. Men hurt too.

  26. pilgrimx4

    This article was meant for me.

    I have been seeing a guy I fell in love with 36 years ago (high school) who is unhappily married. Next month we will have been “together” for 4 years. I know that he really does love me, but I am tired of waiting. I am in my early 50’s and I don’t want to watch another summer go by, wishing for all the things that I long to do. I need to get out and do them.

    My problem is finding the strength to say goodbye once and for all. I know its in me, and your article has given me a nudge forward.

    Thank you,


  27. berkshiremom

    You say you are not judgemental in this situation – but I feel very strongly you should be! These PREDATORS are waiting for nothing less than for another woman to have her entire world and sense of security ripped out from under her. Let the Rule of Three do it’s thing. If you want to truely do these people a service, tell them to respect the mores of society and move on to someone who IS able to become a partner. The fact that they are so unhappy in their present state is only something they brought upon themselves and fully deserve – times three.

  28. hebaabdelgawad

    hi dear
    i really liked this article still i would like to add a bit. what was written was only from the prospective of the woman who falls in love with a committed man. what about the other party who like you mentioned is being betrayed, cheated and their happiness is built upon her tragedy. i was married for 15 years and then my husband met this divorced young lady who fell in love with him,but unfortunately she didnt have to wait or waste her time. we were divorced in less than 6 months due to her persistence. this trauma didnt only hit my life but it also deeply affected two teenage girls who lost their dreams , future and mostly their dad.

  29. karuna

    Hi Tansy,

    I read your article keenly. Its interesting to note that one of your colleagues who I have spoken to thrice this year, encouraged me to think of this person (who is of course married and has kids) for the long term. He encouraged me and showed me great hope and promise that he was the guy for me and that I would be in his life this year and that we would get married this year/early-mid next year. He would get divorced and that he is going to speak to his wife and legal action is going to be taken. So much so that our union would be something that I dream of. And that I needed to trust the universe for working it out and have faith.

    When with the timelines given to me did not show any result, I called again to discuss the same. This time I was suggested a strategy and in no uncertain terms told that this person loves me and we are meant to be together! With due respect to him, I wonder if it was all said with the “business mind” that I keep calling back… Was I given false hopes afterall! Is this also not like building your happiness on the unhappiness of others…

    I hear the dear psychic’s voice and words ringing in my ears and truly, I pray for him as well..irrespective.. I continue to also pray for this person, his wife and kids with all my heart.

    Any suggestions/thoughts etc etc : )?

  30. jelial2

    I have been in this situation and although I knew it didnt feel right and wasnt going anywhere it wasnt until a friend said to me “You know, you are with this person and your true soul mate could be about to walk right past you and you wont know it”. It struck a chord with me and I decided to change the situation. It wasnt long before I did meet someone who was free and feels like my ideal mate. We are still together more than a year later.

  31. maryannex9146maryannex9146

    Hi, Tansy,

    Thanks for a great article on a very timely topic.

    I also speak to a number of clients with the same question-“when is he filing?”. I usually receive a very distressed energy around the subject of a client being in “wait mode”-for anything. Each day is so precious and not available to be repeated. Days, weeks, a month and years are spent very quickly and the speed with which they are spent does accelerate over time. As a personal opinion, I do not advise clients to be in “wait” mode, as I am not a believer (based on many years experience reading for clients) that “wait” mode is productive.

    On the other end of the spectrum are the clients we speak to who do not wish to “waste time” and are in such a hurry to establish a relationship that a reading will reveal that it is too fast for the relationship to develop in a strong manner.

    I believe that clients can be best served by calling one of us for assistance in finding a balance in the timing and speed of the establishment of a relationship.


    Extension 9146


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