I am in love with a man with whom I have an incredibly incendiary, adventurous sexual relationship; the love is mutual and I believe we will be together for the long haul. I have done things I never thought I would, and enjoyed them, but he talks of pushing limits I do not think I can push. I do not ever want to go back to the boring sex life I had in the past but cannot go certain places. How can I insert a balance without compromising the fire we have together and putting a damper on his passions for me?
Liam ext. 9290’s Response:
Your sense of daring and erotic expansion is a poetic movement of the soul. Trance inducing, bliss invoking, but laced with the haunting elements of danger and risk. The desire to meld into the heat and flesh of your partner, to be his fantasy and conduit of pleasure, has kindled within you a blaze of the most blistering and purifying sort… I feel that you have found in him a true liberator. There is an air of the essence of Loki about him, an aura both of the trickster and the guide. I like him and I can certainly see why he intrigues and enchants you. You have a very fluidic nature. But malleable as you may well be, you have still accumulated various limiting patterns of behavior not necessarily of your own choosing. Everyone is wound in these shackles to some degree but your lover is able to see beyond the illusion of the daily mask you wear. His gaze pierces the murk and mire of your primeval depths and he is delighted by what he finds there. He is a man who has found few lovers who could match his heat. Some made a token advance. Some tried, feigning interest in his forbidden kingdom with the plot that they would somehow change his tastes with time. None of them made it very far with him but you are different.
Whether you two are together for the long haul is really incidental. Too much emphasis on long term future outcomes will ruin the potential of the moment. Liaisons with this sort of existential flair are very rare. Few people have the ardour for this sort of experience and fewer still find a companion to make the journey. However, if pressed, I would say, you do indeed have the fundamental chemistry to withstand the trials and tribulations of time. What matters most, though, is the energy flow we are dealing with right now. Currently you are caught in a tide of conscious expansion; a full-fledged redefinition of self. You are starting to understand yourself as a being of evolution no longer subject to the hindrances of mediocrity. This man does not wish to change you. He seeks only to release you from the dormant captivity in which you have lived. In his eyes your past lovers were little more than villains who repressed you. Now with his support and your own courage, you are free to aspire to more potent forms of awareness through pleasure.
Naturally, fear is part of this… But fear is not an enemy. It is merely an emotional response directly hard wired into the same brain circuity that controls sexual pleasure. There many different levels and types of fear, just as there are many different levels and types of love. One type is directly interwoven into the fabric of surrender; of pushing personal boundaries, rebelling against ingrained mores and exploring the borderlands beyond. Such alteration of established neural pathways is very painful. It requires the recognition of yourself as an energy, not a fixed object. In that place of alteration, anything becomes probable, which is a frightening concept for most people. It is a powerful place not meant for the meek or childish. Already, with this man as your guide, you have become an explorer in the steamy realms of the forbidden and there is no reason to stop now. You say you do things that you would have never done before… Things, that I now sense strongly that, you enjoy very much. You are not the same person you were before, and with each new and novel experience, you are infused with vitality. The world you know becomes richer… And just because you feel there are limits that you cannot go beyond today, does not mean you will not be ready willing and able to push beyond them tomorrow.
I ask you only to be honest… with yourself as well as your lover. Allow him to know that you have fears and concerns. Share every single one of your issues, whatever they may be. But do not say “never” or “can’t,” because it will ruin the passion and the fantasy. More importantly, it will limit the factor of possibility in both your minds. Instead, make a study of those things you fear, and come to understand them. Find erotica and porn that deal with those themes and take an honest, objective look at them. Find friends who’ve had such experiences and discuss why they might be hard for you to endure, or what you might come to adore about them. Prepare yourself to experience it… Not today. Not tomorrow. But someday. In the meantime, use your lover’s fantasies to your advantage. Write erotic stories about yourself engaged in such scenarios to share with him. And tell him that you might not be ready now, but maybe sometime. Go easy.
The real enemy here is panic, for in panic, we freeze. Don’t rush to any conclusions. Don’t decree any ultimatums. Don’t trip yourself up worrying about him or his impatience. This is about you… This is your journey. He’s only a part of it. A man who does not understand this is not the sort you want traveling down these roads with you anyway – but I don’t think you need to concern yourself that kind of childish failing in this man. He doesn’t want you to do these things just to please him… He wants you to do them because he sees what you are capable of. He sees the magnificent sexual Goddess you really are. He wants this part of you to be fully released and free, but if you never indulged in any of it he would not leave you over that choice. The decision is not his or mine, but yours.
Do with it what you will.