The Trap of Being a Loner

Being happy always invites even more happiness into your life. This especially goes for being single. After all, who wants to be unhappy with themselves, insecure or (even worse) desperate? That said, while it’s healthy to be okay on your own, it is possible to like solitude too much – so much so that you eliminate the possibility (or even the desire) for a successful relationship. If you’re happily single (to a fault), look out. You may be single for good!

How it Happens

Perpetual solitude starts off innocent enough. Following a series of awful dates, you decide to take a breather from the singles scene. On the heels of a bad break up, you can’t handle the idea of being vulnerable yet. Tired of feeling desperate, you know you need to work out some issues before considering a connection. Or maybe you don’t have any particular problem related to dating or partnership at all, you’re just enjoying the ability to be self-focused.

Whatever the case, the time has come that you don’t have a date and all your friends are either coupled up or coming close. So, rather than wallowing, you decide to take in a movie on your own or go to dinner solo. Perhaps you learn that you love yoga or hiking or pottery or whatever it is that floats your boat. You start to realize that you don’t need another person to be happy. And you don’t. In fact, learning to be comfortable and content in your own company is a vital part of growing up – no matter how old you are when you do it. The trouble begins when you start using your ability to fly solo as an excuse not to let anyone in.

An Easy Mistake

The general sense of well-being you have on your own is wonderful – exhilarating, even, especially if you’ve never had it before. And you should relish it. What you shouldn’t do, however, is mistake its existence for an indicator that you can’t have the same feeling as part of a couple. Do that and you’ll go from not needing someone else to fulfill you, to not wanting someone else to interfere in the good thing you’ve got going. The problem, however, isn’t being in a relationship – it’s in your fears about what being in a relationship means.

Having it All

Though it may be more palatable to accept the possibility of being alone for good now that you’re finally in a self-assured place, it’s not time to throw in the romantic towel – in fact, quite the opposite. As someone who is fine flying solo, you’re bound to draw in an equal partner, thereby bringing two complete halves to your relationship whole. Sure, meshing your styles may not be easy – you’ll have to compromise on everything from what’s next in the Netflix queue to how you decide what to do and when to do it, but a healthy and happy partnership is a place where everything you like about yourself on your own has a chance to flourish and everything you don’t like has a chance to improve.

Experiencing intimacy does not include forsaking your happiness or your hobbies. So don’t talk yourself into the trap of being a loner – the only person who will lose out, in the long run, is you!

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