Speak Up: He Will Never Commit to You

A reader wonders whether or not the man she’s in love with will ever commit to her even though he hasn’t yet after a lengthy relationship. Carmen shares advice that’s kind, straight-forward and addresses the relationship next steps to follow.

Kim from Windsor, Canada asks:

I have had a long love affair with a separated man, but I think that he will never fully commit to me, because he seems obsessed with his wife. Is it time for me to move on? Would that be the best move for both of us? I love him so much that I really want only what is best.

Carmen responds:

Dear Kim,

Based on your very first sentence, I suspect that you already know the answer to your question, and I take it you’re looking for confirmation. Well, I’m going to tell you that it would be best to move on.

You’re looking for an answer that is best for both of you, but I’m giving you the answer that I feel is best for you, and for you alone. Granted, I’m not a psychic, but what I can tell you from experience is that someone who hasn’t committed months or years into it, and still hangs on to his ex, will probably never commit. And quite frankly, you can’t love someone into loving you in return, ever.

You, my dear, have a responsibility towards your own happiness and well being, and hanging on to a man that is not fully committed is not only a waste of your time, but also blocks the path for the potentially right man to come in.

“If you are being played and it feels good let the music play. If not change the tune and find a new guy.” – Quinn ext. 5484

Love is a tricky thing, but in my book love is not a one-sided affair, where one suffers and the other one gets to do whatever they want, and judging by your words, it pains you a great deal that this person you so deeply love does not give you the same love in return. The very core of a deep and meaningful relationship is commitment, trust, honesty and integrity. It isn’t his job to finally love you as much as he seems to love his ex. It is your job to do that. Yes, it is your job to love yourself enough to not keep holding on to a very one-sided love affair that leaves you feeling heart-broken and worthless. Also, love is not about pain and heartache! So what I’m sensing is that what you’re experiencing might be co-dependency. It’s definitely never too late to get out of that one!

I say go fish! Go live your life to the fullest and find a man that can love you as deeply as you love him and commits to you without any strings or heartache attached. Choose happiness and trust that there is great freedom in loving and fully taking care of your needs. Love you, always.

“Search for the hero inside yourself, and have faith in being just you.” – Agnes ext. 5400

Do you have a question for Carmen? Submit your question here!

Exclusive offer: New customers can speak to a psychic for ONLY $1 per minute. Select your psychic advisor here.

Who is your true love? Talk to a psychic and find out. Call 1.800.573.4830 or choose your psychic now.

25 thoughts on “Speak Up: He Will Never Commit to You

  1. Sharon

    Ive been in this relationship for 3.5 years now, he says he won’t leave her because she has free medical benefits for life… His daughter will be 18 in August, and sometimes he uses that as an excuse, if he doesn’t leave by then, I’m outta here… I’m not gonna waste my time with someone who SAYS they love me, but their actions say otherwise. Seems like mine is just being very selfish and I’m getting the crappy end of the stick always waiting around for him. It’s heartbreaking not knowing what he’s really doing when he’s not around me and it’s not fair to me, but believe me, this is going to end as soon as his daughter turns 18, n he’s still with his wife, I’m walking

  2. elahbyu

    I like this article,,, i read it as if i am kim. I’ve been in that situation and i just recently broke – up with my boyfriend.. I can say that’s one of the best decision I’ve ever made. A man like him is not worth keeping for. I’m not perfect but i could say I’d him much more than I love any one in my life.. Even my family. Sad but true. And it’s too late realizing that he doesn’t deserve it. I admit I still love him but it’s better to forget and move on. 1 thing that i really regret,, that is we’ve lost even our FRIENDSHIP..

  3. Donna

    I was in a relationship for 15 years and he just recently left because he says we lack communication and that he is no longer in love with me. I am still having trouble with this and I am looking for some advice. we have four girls and three grandkids and it has hit all of us. he came out of no where with this please help

  4. Lorene

    For someone who claims not to be a psychic, you have hit my life problems every time you send me one of these readings AWESOME!!! Thank you for that answer I so needed to read this as well as the others you have sent to me….. yours truly, Lorene

  5. veronica

    well I’been married for 18 yrs,but my relationship is just getting worse.My husband has change alot with me and I think there is a 3rd person in between us. I had talk to him about how I feel and it seems careless. What can you advise me,,cause i love him and I want to save my marriege?

  6. Steev

    Kim, the one you love is one who will never love you, you can be sure he knows what he’s putting you through, yet he still does it. In my book thats not the actions of love.

  7. Utsav

    This above article is exactly same with me. I am a man and this thing happening with me for so many years. She still keep contact with her X regular basis, taking him for shopping, banking, inviting him in her house, taking all kind of advice for decision making, making food for him but still saying she loves me. I am not convince with this from bottom of my Heart that she will be with me ever and will breakup. We know each other for more than 10 years and on and off for few times. But at this age I am very shocked that she is not committed to me. Your advice.

  8. Rose O.

    I agree on some of your comments. But, I have been looking all
    of my life and still have not found that person who will commit. I
    do agree relationships should not be one sided. It is a waste of time
    but, I guess one gets comfortable but, you are really hurting yourself.
    It is so hard to fine someone these days. Somebody who is your life partner.

  9. caitriona

    I like what you have to say and agree with it.Its very difficult to say a good good-bye but it has to be done to keep your sanity and self respect.These people that we fell in love with have there bread buttered on both sides,they are in a win win situation whereas the likes of you and I who happened to fall for these selfish people are thrown out of sinc/There is a saying “shit or get off the pot”and it is so true.To be honest I’m glad that this saying finally made me see sence and realise I deserve the same as I am prepared to give.Love and luck to ye all!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  10. Gayle Martin

    That’s a tough one, Kim, but I have to agree with the advice you’ve been given. At the very least, you need to back away to give him some space to sort out his feelings, but please, don’t hold out waiting for him. If someone else comes along go out and have some fun, as has also been suggested here.

  11. Olivia

    I have a question and would like your opinion.

    I’ve been with this wonderful younger man that makes me love, laugh and be happy when he’s around me.
    The only thing is I’m 15 years older then him. He’s in his 40’s and I’m in my
    50’s. He doesn’t know how old I am, but he’s guessing alot, and I don’t really want to tell him, for fear I might lose him. Is that selfish of me not to
    tell him?
    I have one teenage son, and he dosen’t have any children.

    What do you think?


  12. Deborah Jani-MunizDeborah Jani-Muniz

    I have been Married for 20 yrs. My Husband has not had anything to do with me, except do housework, cook, and all the responsibilities around the house. We haven’t had a “sexual’ relationship since 1999. I love him dearly, we have been together for so long, what should I do???

  13. arise

    In these matters it pays to consider our own contribution to the situation. The guy may be getting signals from her that make him think -he’s- not secure with -her-. After all, his thoughts are still casting back toward a committed relationship. Sounds more like he has trouble letting go of attachments, rather than forming them. My recommendations:

    * put yourself in his shoes, think how would -you- react to the things you say and do
    * firmly, kindly, allow no more venting about the ex
    * try a separation — hey, it’s working for the wife!
    * if you’re looking for an excuse to dump him, don’t blame it on him, just be honest

  14. wanda

    i have been hurt all my life so want is the big deal them said i will neve be happy and they was right so is you a friend our you going to fool me to and say you are going to help me and did is it a job in the coming weeks ahead thank you wanda

  15. latesha

    rightnow, i am feeling the same way. I am in a a relationship with a man what is also married, and not only that i work with him and he wants to keep evey thing a serect. His wife is in another country. which he claims he has not been with her in over teelve yrs sometimes that hard to belive that. But anyway, when i am with him, i feel so uncomplete with myself that i can not even look at him. And at first, i had a feeling that he did not like black women, just the sex, i can on and on about this, but now i am confused what sure i do.

  16. Yosha Ellis


    -William Blake

  17. Bonita

    wish i could say this to my friend; whom says she’s in love with a man who’s with a girlfriend for alll events & activiities; and has her on the side in secret. She keeps waiting for him; hoping he will leave this other woman and commit to her; but he has them both. Well said Carmen!

  18. Dianne

    In regards to your story about no commitment with someone that you have been with for years relates to myself. I have been in this situation for many years and asked myself am I in love with this person or am I staying together because it is convenient for him. He is not subject to anything in his life other than only what he wants and thats as far as it goes. I have went along with this because my daily schedule and my family life have kept me very busy. Now I realize what a waste of time when someone does not even comprehend what your daily and personal situation really is.

    Thank you,


  19. julie forbes

    I would like to know how to break the cycle I’ve got myself into I was with my ex partner for 3 an a half year I met someone else an moved in to his dads he then got prison but my ex kept intouch he would always come upto where I was staying eventually on my birthday this year 18 january I spent it with my ex we had a drink an a laugh an one thing led to another,I got paid the following day as we had spoke about me staying at his bit as a lodger as we have a 17 year friendship aswell so I ended up movinng back to his house a few weeks went past an we got back together everything was good we had’nty argued or anything but he came in one day an said we need to talk,he said he needed a bit time to sort his head and heart out so I was willing to move out but he does’nt want me to move out for some reason an he’s gave me rules I’ve to take my bad moods out on somebody else an am not allowed to have any guys under his roof as he won’t stand for it but he’s away out meeting other girls but is’nt happy if I say I’ve met somone an if we do bicker an I say well I'”” go an he always replys I want you to stay,HELP ME PLEASE

  20. jean

    I hope I find that true love that only loves me..I am ready to make a comitment to a other man..I want great sex.Someone that attacts me and not one that waits for me to attact him..


Leave a Reply to lachandra Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *