A reader wonders whether or not the man she’s in love with will ever commit to her even though he hasn’t yet after a lengthy relationship. Carmen shares advice that’s kind, straight-forward and addresses the relationship next steps to follow.
Kim from Windsor, Canada asks:
I have had a long love affair with a separated man, but I think that he will never fully commit to me, because he seems obsessed with his wife. Is it time for me to move on? Would that be the best move for both of us? I love him so much that I really want only what is best.
Based on your very first sentence, I suspect that you already know the answer to your question, and I take it you’re looking for confirmation. Well, I’m going to tell you that it would be best to move on.
You’re looking for an answer that is best for both of you, but I’m giving you the answer that I feel is best for you, and for you alone. Granted, I’m not a psychic, but what I can tell you from experience is that someone who hasn’t committed months or years into it, and still hangs on to his ex, will probably never commit. And quite frankly, you can’t love someone into loving you in return, ever.
You, my dear, have a responsibility towards your own happiness and well being, and hanging on to a man that is not fully committed is not only a waste of your time, but also blocks the path for the potentially right man to come in.
“If you are being played and it feels good let the music play. If not change the tune and find a new guy.” – Quinn ext. 5484
Love is a tricky thing, but in my book love is not a one-sided affair, where one suffers and the other one gets to do whatever they want, and judging by your words, it pains you a great deal that this person you so deeply love does not give you the same love in return. The very core of a deep and meaningful relationship is commitment, trust, honesty and integrity. It isn’t his job to finally love you as much as he seems to love his ex. It is your job to do that. Yes, it is your job to love yourself enough to not keep holding on to a very one-sided love affair that leaves you feeling heart-broken and worthless. Also, love is not about pain and heartache! So what I’m sensing is that what you’re experiencing might be co-dependency. It’s definitely never too late to get out of that one!
I say go fish! Go live your life to the fullest and find a man that can love you as deeply as you love him and commits to you without any strings or heartache attached. Choose happiness and trust that there is great freedom in loving and fully taking care of your needs. Love you, always.
“Search for the hero inside yourself, and have faith in being just you.” – Agnes ext. 5400
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