How to Create Peace Within the Family
Let’s face it, divorce is one of the most traumatic experiences two people can experience in a lifetime, and even if it is in the past and the documents have been signed there could be numerous issues to deal with still. Are you with a new man that you truly adore, and does he have an ex-wife that is constantly causing problems? Unresolved problems, even if the divorce is final, can still come up after time and especially if your boyfriend or new husband shares kids with the ex-wife.
It’s a smart idea to keep your sanity in check when dealing with a dramatic ex-wife, and there are some methods for keeping the peace between all of you. Sometimes, even after divorce happens, there are unresolved feelings from one or both parties. It is extremely important to try and maintain a working relationship between you, your man and his ex; not only for your own peace of mind, but also for the children that may be involved. Here are some tips on how to make and maintain peace between you, your man and his ex-wife.
Be the Bigger Individual
Not in size, but in the way you react to the ex-wife’s episodes of anger, resentment and whatever may come up after the divorce is final. If the ex-wife is constantly trying to push you or your man’s buttons, be the bigger person and shrug her attempts off. While this may increase her level of anger and drama, you will still come out on top as the mature individual(s). Eventually the anger will die down if there is nobody reacting.
“Going within and becoming the best of who you are is a spiritual goal.” – TeriLynn ext. 9625
Put a Halt to Arguing
Avoid arguing in front of the children. If you find your boyfriend or husband is constantly rowing, or god forbid you, put an immediate halt to this. The kids have already been through enough with the destruction of their family unit and divorce. Think about the kids first and foremost and either argue when the kids are not around or just stop it cold turkey.
Work on Unresolved Issues
A smart way to avoid arguing is to deal with unresolved matters that are keeping the ex-wife angry and scorned. If you have issues with the ex-wife try sorting them out as mature sane individuals. If your man needs to address issues with his ex, make sure he deals with them and leaves you out of it. A tip: Acknowledge where there is fault and admit when you were wrong. Agree to disagree.
Work On an Agenda
One of the biggest problems after divorce is the lack of communication over topics relating to the kids. Make sure you and your man create a schedule out with the ex-wife on the kid’s activities, when each parent will see them and anything else needed to be known by all three of you. Even if you are not married to your man yet, you are still looking out for the kids when you are with him and them. Everyone needs to work together to make each week as stable as possible for the children.
If you find the ex-wife is calling all hours, sending constant angry threatening emails to your man or showing up when they are not supposed to, you will need to set some boundaries and put them on paper. Each parent and parent’s partner needs to know what acceptable behavior is when relating to the kids and any financial or child support matters. Use a lawyer to help you format boundaries.
“As the old saying goes, time heals all wounds, and it really does. That doesn’t mean that you won’t still feel it from time to time, but you learn, and you move forward.ʺ – Lacy ext. 5494
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