Can You Say “I Love You” Too Soon?

Whether or not you should be the one to say “I love you” for the first time is a popular question in readings, and an equally hot topic for debate. Unfortunately, though, there is no right or definitive answer for this very important and sometimes even life-changing question. Overall, my guided recommendation for this dilemma is not to concern yourself or agonize over saying those oft-coveted three little words—show your feelings through loving actions instead (not needy ones!). Doing over saying is a much safer and comfortable bet, as well as one which helps us hold onto our sanity a bit longer, even if just by a thread.

When we utter those three words too soon, what we are in essence doing is telling ourselves (and the other person), that we love the person we think they are (double yikes!)—as we have limited intimate knowledge in the early (and even sometimes later) stages of relationships. The differences between love, like and lust are ginormous, and directly related to how much and what kind of knowledge we have of someone.

Let’s not place the cart before the horse—give yourself time!

To this effect, for your own benefit and sense of equilibrium, refrain from saying the words “I love you” until you really feel it, and when the other person seems to really be feeling it, too. Keep in mind, though, that timetables for emotional sharing vary highly among individuals, and contrary to what experts might say, there is no mathematical formula for figuring out the “right time.” If your match is made in heaven, there’s no rational reason to rush anything; this is where your inner guide/intuition becomes a helpful tool in figuring out the mystery of new love.

In addition to your IIG (Indispensable Inner Guide), you may want to consider a few of the more likely real-time ramifications of saying “I love you” too soon:

1. Should you utter this phrase to someone whom you are not in an exclusive relationship with, you are giving your potential partner the Golden Ticket to Hit the Road faster than Jack (or Jill).

2. It is also highly probable you may feel as if you are left “hanging” when the other person doesn’t respond, which may cause you to freak out, question yourself, and desire to kick yourself—among having to face many other unpleasant and tormenting mental and emotional side effects.

3. If you do dare say the words too early, and the other person says them back out of a sense of obligation (noble as it is), you are certainly setting yourself up for major emotional upheaval later on, if and when (more likely) the relationship does crash and burn.

4. You may be inadvertently giving the other person the (possibly right?) impression that you’re a doormat who readily relinquishes your personal power to any Tom, Dick or Jane who pops into your path bearing even just the smidgiest degree of relationship potential.

5. The Big One (in my opinion) is that the utterance of these words too soon can unquestionably diminish the excitement, allure and mystery that often serves as the glue early in relationships… which inevitably leaves both parties in the confusing and scary “what now?!” space. I’ll leave the rest up to your imagination from here.

So, should you find yourself at the Relationship Station with a one-way ticket to the Love Boat, don’t fall into the trap of mulling over word play. Allow yourself to chillax and enjoy the process of falling—and staying—in love.

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6 thoughts on “Can You Say “I Love You” Too Soon?

  1. David

    Pay careful aietntton to their words. Did she say “will come back to you” or “may”. If it doesn’t come true and you ask them, they’ll probably turn round and say they never promised it would happen but that it could happen. You have to be very careful where you put your money.References :

  2. Kathy

    While good advise, I’m a little confused that there was an article not long ago stating that saying “I love you” early was not a bad idea, and something that you could back-peddle on, referencing “the heat of the moment,” if you had to. I, personally, don’t mind something like “[I think] I’m falling in love with you,” but any such words, to me, is not scary, but does bring a lot of expectations with it. If you’re not ready to step up, don’t say them.

  3. Cameron ext 5412

    I agree with Gina Rose, Giovanna thank you for this great topic and discussion. I love #4. Relationships are always more lasting when you love someone who loves themselves.

  4. jessica

    Dear Giovanna,

    A beautifully written article! The essential concept you discuss can only be fully comprehended by daring to wait, daring to take one’s time, and experiencing the inner and outer results. Your article communicates as well as is possible, the reasons why one should dare him or herself!

    I wish for you, a heart full of peace.

  5. Rhonda Combs Shannon

    I agree with so much of what you wrote about saying to a person “I love you”. The only grey area I personally see is not understanding why anyone would see “What is next?”. Life flows like a river with the unevitable blocks and diversions that are placed in it’s way, to even being stagnant or dry. Or it can run a nice course or fully charged after a heavy storm. Who, I ask has even made a suggestion that we need the what is next? Humanity with the concept of this is forever. When we can rid ourself of what society or humanity has taught us, there will be no need for a what if. We just do what comes right and natural. We see love as a marriage. A new life. Nothing should really change. We just added something to our heart. We added a person who has added something special to our hearts. We just need to let it go like a river without a need to set boundaries until we come across those moments. Like a river, it will change it’s course with what is needed or necessary. We so need to get rid of the what if. I agree with you on that. But it appears by not telling someone you feel a certain way and letting them see you are not placing restrictions or being a door mat either, that love can just be. Alas, if we could only rid ourself of what society taught us and see what nature has given us. Not 100% correct. But we just need to see life sometimes with what answers are right here on earth. My opinion.

  6. Gina Rose ext.9500Gina Rose ext.9500

    Hi Giovanna,

    Excellent article……chock filled with healthy grounded advice !

    Get to really KNOW that person first BEFORE you utter those infamous 3 little words and, essentially, handing your heart on a silver platter to that individual.

    The courting/dating ritual is important , and very often skipped over in this day and age as being unimportant, time consuming and outdated…..hence our high divorce rate. I rest my case.

    Those 3 words, ” I Love You “, should never be given casually for they are precious , and giving them too soon says much about a person’s self esteem and self confidence.

    Blessed Be )O(
    Gina Rose ext.9500


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