Whether or not you should be the one to say “I love you” for the first time is a popular question in readings, and an equally hot topic for debate. Unfortunately, though, there is no right or definitive answer for this very important and sometimes even life-changing question. Overall, my guided recommendation for this dilemma is not to concern yourself or agonize over saying those oft-coveted three little words—show your feelings through loving actions instead (not needy ones!). Doing over saying is a much safer and comfortable bet, as well as one which helps us hold onto our sanity a bit longer, even if just by a thread.
When we utter those three words too soon, what we are in essence doing is telling ourselves (and the other person), that we love the person we think they are (double yikes!)—as we have limited intimate knowledge in the early (and even sometimes later) stages of relationships. The differences between love, like and lust are ginormous, and directly related to how much and what kind of knowledge we have of someone.
Let’s not place the cart before the horse—give yourself time!
To this effect, for your own benefit and sense of equilibrium, refrain from saying the words “I love you” until you really feel it, and when the other person seems to really be feeling it, too. Keep in mind, though, that timetables for emotional sharing vary highly among individuals, and contrary to what experts might say, there is no mathematical formula for figuring out the “right time.” If your match is made in heaven, there’s no rational reason to rush anything; this is where your inner guide/intuition becomes a helpful tool in figuring out the mystery of new love.
In addition to your IIG (Indispensable Inner Guide), you may want to consider a few of the more likely real-time ramifications of saying “I love you” too soon:
1. Should you utter this phrase to someone whom you are not in an exclusive relationship with, you are giving your potential partner the Golden Ticket to Hit the Road faster than Jack (or Jill).
2. It is also highly probable you may feel as if you are left “hanging” when the other person doesn’t respond, which may cause you to freak out, question yourself, and desire to kick yourself—among having to face many other unpleasant and tormenting mental and emotional side effects.
3. If you do dare say the words too early, and the other person says them back out of a sense of obligation (noble as it is), you are certainly setting yourself up for major emotional upheaval later on, if and when (more likely) the relationship does crash and burn.
4. You may be inadvertently giving the other person the (possibly right?) impression that you’re a doormat who readily relinquishes your personal power to any Tom, Dick or Jane who pops into your path bearing even just the smidgiest degree of relationship potential.
5. The Big One (in my opinion) is that the utterance of these words too soon can unquestionably diminish the excitement, allure and mystery that often serves as the glue early in relationships… which inevitably leaves both parties in the confusing and scary “what now?!” space. I’ll leave the rest up to your imagination from here.
So, should you find yourself at the Relationship Station with a one-way ticket to the Love Boat, don’t fall into the trap of mulling over word play. Allow yourself to chillax and enjoy the process of falling—and staying—in love.