Life often throws us curveballs that leave us uncertain, confused and in need of guidance to make important decisions. As if a single tough choice weren’t enough, we are at times faced with not just one tough decision, but two… as in a double decision of the heart.
Love triangles are never fun, and always carry with them the penance of conscience, guilt, confusion, and personal torment. However, for a variety of reasons, we find ourselves perpetually unable to break a seemingly unending cycle. Certainty abandons us during this very difficult time, and as a result, we hang suspended, crippled by the inability to figure out what we want, and release what we don’t. And we suffer. And suffer. And suffer some more…
To sum it up in a nutshell, we suffer (and cause suffering) because we choose to! For those of us in a love triad, we have the best of both worlds at times, and in many cases lead a double life to sustain it, continuously avoiding and evading truth and responsibility. But when one finds out about the other, the main player is put in the position of having to decide… and lose someone and something that has been feeding their needs, wants and ego… sometimes for years.
Inability to make a decision in a love triangle ultimately rides the tide of selfishness. When we’re stuck, it’s because we’re afraid of losing something we feel that we can’t replace. It’s one-sided thinking that excludes the well-being of the others involved. There are no quick fixes or definitive answers… your future, and that of your partners, depends on you – and sometimes, the lesson or key to growth lies in being “stuck” for extended periods of time.
Some helpful tips if you’re stuck and forced to choose:
1. Determine what was missing from your initial relationship, and the second one. Compare the two from both the pro and con perspective. Which elements are most significant to you?
2. Ask yourself what the motivation in connecting with the other person was initially, and then allow yourself to see how things progressed from the initial connection, filling in the blanks.
3. Think not just about your long term needs and desires, but allow yourself to reflect on those components relating to the other individuals involved. They deserve to be happy, too!
4. Keep in mind that nothing is irreparable, and you can always make things “right.”
5. Don’t beat yourself up over decisions you’ve made in the past. Resolve to make better decisions from now on that consider what others – not just you – need, want, and deserve.
Stave off decision-making until you can maintain a consistent mindset without being detoured or taken off-course by what someone else says or does, which is also a huge contributing factor in predicting timelines that change.
In the meantime, vow that you won’t continue feeding the cycle, and announce a “break” of sorts to see how you feel when free from others’ influences. While it may be painful not to act, it’s imperative in allowing you to find solid ground within your mind and heart. Remind yourself as often as needed that solid decisions are never made on a whim, and that a sense of peace and resolve will come when you are finally ready and able to make the decision that best benefits all involved. Keep your perspective that your dilemma has nothing to do with the situation, but with you.
Sometimes, the right answer has nothing to do with deciding between two partners, and instead illuminates a need for us to instead be alone to find ourselves and figure a few things out first. Some food for thought!