You’d been together forever… or at least it felt that way! No doubt, you were desperately in love. Then, the unthinkable happened. Your partner, your other half, your significant other (to whom you’d whispered the L-word to and had it returned on countless occasions) thought the grass was greener with someone else… And – gasp – they cheated!
Luckily, you have enough self-esteem that you kicked the lying infidel to the curb… But the problem is – right now at least, you don’t have enough chutzpah to pick yourself up off of it. While clamoring around actively seeking revenge certainly sends the universe the wrong message (and whispering that you’re willing to stoop to the cheater’s level will only bring questionable karma your way), true lover’s justice can be found in a much less devious way – simply by moving upward… and onward. However, you’ve got to go inward first. Here’s how it works:
Recognize the reflection
When a partner cheats, it’s really easy to blame yourself and think you caused it. I wasn’t good/thin/attractive enough… Maybe I’m bad in bed… I should have done what they asked for more… you know the drill. But guess what? None of these fears – and that’s what they are – are true! It’s highly likely that no matter what you did this might have happened anyway. Remember, it’s not you, it’s them. Make it your daily mantra! Clearly, at this juncture anyway, you and your partner just weren’t the right match. And – here’s the kicker – for someone who wasn’t willing to be honest and step up to the plate (and admit they’d been tempted) and either break it off before they strayed or work it out truthfully – no one could be right. It’s not your fault!
On top of that, no one will think it is. At least no one you care about! So let go of the embarrassment of being cheated on and recognize the real reflection. It’s not you who looks bad. Unless you wallow in self-pity, no one is going to pity you. They’re going to respect you for leaving, and look to see what you do next…Which brings us to the next point.
Bring your sexy back
One of the yuckiest side effects of being betrayed is that it can kill your sexual self-esteem (see above). Recognize that now is the time to bring it back! While it may sound cliché (after all, clichés exist for a reason), being cheated on is your license to focus on you. Now that doesn’t have to mean you go overboard, but make a special effort to emphasize the things about yourself you know you like – and that people have responded to. Find a new activity you like to do – preferably a physical one. Exercise of any sort gets the blood flowing and getting the blood flowing increases your libido… increasing your libido makes you automatically more attractive (not to mention feeling better about yourself)! Whether or not you’re ready to get back out there in the dating world (only you can determine that), it will not hurt to get a little extra attention – which you will do as soon as you feel better and better.
On that note, in your day to day life, let people flirt with you – from your barista at Starbucks to the cutie in your office building – but do it without expectation. Whether it’s accepting a compliment or giving one, offering a smile or smiling back, a little good natured fun never hurt anyone and it’s a great way to make yourself feel like you’re out there – expanding. Plus, it’s a safe self-esteem booster. You don’t need to take it any further than makes you comfortable, but it lets you know that you are attractive to other people… your ex doesn’t know what they’re missing! Which brings us to your final destination… (or at least your final chapter with a cheater)!
Now miss me!
Armed with increased confidence and resolved that a cheater is not what you want or deserve (plus a little flirting practice), you’re ready to move upward. To the place where you leave your ex – and their memory – in the dustbin of lessons you’ve already learned. Now you can walk away with no regrets.
Sure, it hurts. And it may have taken you a little while to get over it, but with a renewed sense of self-esteem you’re now fully aware that your ex wasn’t right for you. Which is where revenge comes in… By being your best, you found your way despite being hurt and now you are grateful for the lesson, which has prepared you for the next (right?) kind of partner. But your ex, on the other hand, may have plenty of regrets the next time they see you glowing, confident and happy. But it’s a little too little, a little too late.
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