Hey Liam, I have two kids with the woman I’ve been separated from due to my “extravagances” if you will in the past, and I have changed a lot (quit drinking and smoking mostly for my boys) and as weird as it sounds, I am being faithful to her now that we are apart. We still have sex whenever she feels like it (and it’s the best as always) and I keep hanging on to the fact that we might get back together but her attitude really sucks and she is stuck on the past (due to the things I’ve done to her which is completely understandable) but there comes a time where you either forgive or forget and move on, right? I love her but her attitude and unwillingness to change on her part is really emotionally tiring. Should I grow a pair and just try and be friends or do I hang on and hope for the best? The sex is the best I’ve ever had and I do love her but I can’t deal with the hot/cold attitude — life’s too short for that immature crap! Some advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
Thank you for submitting such an interesting question. Trevor, I sense that you are a man of much vigor and I fear your taste for excess is something a lot of people might not appreciate. Your energy is very bold and somewhat aristocratic. You are a very sensitive soul, who tries hard just to get along, though I’ve a feeling sometimes you would rather not have to try so hard. Your true nature is composed of strains of Dionysus, mingled with the stews of a wizened king. And I want you to consider that perhaps such a king shouldn’t lower himself to playing silly games with childish partners. There is nothing wrong with being the person that you are. A man who loves wine and song and pretty girls. This is the man you were when the mother of your children met you. She knew then who you were, and, much to your credit, you have never pretended to be otherwise. You’re not meant to be a mealy-mouthed slave to a controlling shrew.
If you stay with this woman, I can pretty much guarantee you a life of pain and constant regret. She is playing you, Trevor, using sex and guilt and even the children you share as tokens of power in a bid to force you to conform to her wishes. I feel she is essentially weak willed and needs to prey on someone in order to feel better about herself. So of course she is thrilled to be able to dictate the sexual aspects of your relationship and only too happy to tell you all the things you had better do to please her the rest of the time.
My advice? Go to an attorney and begin court proceedings to secure your rights as a father. Visitation, support, make sure it’s all written in solid stone and beyond question. Then tell this woman to take the next exit out your life and don’t bother looking back. You will need time to heal. Though I don’t think you really love this woman; she represents social acceptance for you. And this is a desire you need to outgrow. You can change your act and try to dance to their tune, but you’re just that type of person who scares the established order. I say, keep on scaring them.
I sense that you are a great father, a man with much love for his kids. Keep being one, and make your time with them joyous. Let them see you as a man who lives his life with an honest passion.
And certainly, go chase the girls around a bit. The girls will enjoy it, and you’ll feel like yourself in no time.
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