I feel like I’m either extremely stubborn or I must like doing things and learning the hard way! Despite doing a lot of work the past several years to release fears and anger and limiting beliefs, here I am in another relationship going into the same patterns — comfortable, open, objective, and giving in the beginning. Then when it gets deeper and more serious, I feel vulnerable, fearful, inadequate, in my head too much but unable to think clearly. Which in turn causes me to become uncomfortable and hold back. I think I may have already pushed several partners away unintentionally. I ask for guidance quite a bit, maybe not consistently, but am I failing to heed my spiritual team? I really want to proceed more effectively this time, and not frustrate or reject this wonderfully loving man. I lost my husband 6 years ago, and hope it isn’t keeping me from loving and accepting love again. Thank you for any insights from the other side!
Many blessings, Elaine from Massachusetts
While I was asking your Spirit Guides and mine about your letter, the following quote from Buddhist teacher Jack Kornfield popped up on my computer screen: “To undertake a genuine spiritual path is not to avoid difficulties but to learn the art of making mistakes wakefully, to bring to them the transformative power of our heart.”
Your Guides suggest that for you this means if you’re unable to rid yourself of emotions, thoughts and beliefs that trip you up, then it’s time to invite them to dinner.
Let me explain. Psychologist Carl Jung developed a concept called the “shadow self,” a self which we all have to some degree that is made up of aspects of ourselves which have been rejected, denied or undeveloped, and which eventually become invisible to us. They are stored in our subconscious mind. Jung taught that the more stubbornly we deny or reject the existence of these elements the more they’re able to act behind our backs, so to speak, to sabotage our dreams and best efforts. Jung also believed that there are also undiscovered talents and wisdom hidden among the rejected parts of ourselves which clutter the shadow portions of the unconscious.
Because you have an intense and busy inner realm or psyche, and because the boundaries between your conscious and unconscious mind are thin, as they are with many talented psychics, your shadow fears can have a powerful effect on you.
The solution? Stop denying or rejecting all those aspects of yourself, instead giving them a “place at the table” by consciously and regularly setting aside time to compassionately listen to their concerns. When you’re willing to give those aspects of yourself a regular hearing, they gradually stop creating havoc in your life in order to get your attention.
This is not to say that you should act on the fearful expressions of your shadow self, only that you should be willing to hear them without judgment. Almost immediately they will lose their power to trigger self-defeating behavior. And once they stop clamoring, you will have easy access to the gems which are also hidden in your subconscious.
In addition to the challenges and blessings presented by your powerful connection with inner worlds, your Soul chose to accomplish its most important work through the very challenge you’ve described in your letter. The solution circles back to compassion, to the gift of unconditional love to all aspects of yourself, which then blossoms into an infinite source of love and trust and acceptance for the people you care about.
In addition to pulling up the Kornfield quote on my computer screen, and giving me vivid pictures of the powerful energies moving through your psyche, your Spirit Guides asked me to encourage you to ask them for help as well as guidance. The doorway in your mind and psyche which leads to your unconscious also leads to your Guides!
They’re giving me a picture of a very upscale imaginary conference room which you can regularly visit through meditation or imagination. Sitting around a priceless oak table waiting for you to call the meeting to order are your 5 Spirit Guides — plus all the fears, anger and limiting beliefs; the gems of wisdom, insight, intelligence, and creativity which also live in your unconscious. They’re a formidable team ready to help you find the wisdom and power which you are uniquely equipped to bring to love!
This journey is your soul purpose, Elaine! May you travel in beauty.