Sex Q&A: Should You Have Sex With an Ex?

How many times do you feel a connection with an ex boyfriend or girlfriend? Do you still want them physically and think that maybe casual sex would be great for you. Figuring this out and making a move can be difficult. Each situation may be different but Liam explains it is more up to you than you think.

Casual Sex With an Ex?

Leslie from Louisville, Kentucky:

Do you think that having sex with a ex is okay if you still love him and want to have sex with him, but he is too scared to be with you again? Get personalized advice for your love life, contact a psychic today!

Liam’s Response:

Greetings, Leslie, and thank you for writing. Sexing the ex seems to be a hot topic and though everyone has an opinion, this subject, like so many others, is highly subjective. As a direct answer to your initial question, I would say it’s always okay to have sex with anyone if that’s what you want to do and the law permits the act. In western culture, we cling to centric thinking in most social situations, taking comfort in the notion of absolute rights and wrongs. I’m afraid you’ll have to go post modern on this one and embrace the idea that it doesn’t matter if something is right or wrong according to some social measuring stick. What matters is whether it’s right or wrong for you. That means you need to get into a seriously introspective mood and scan your own internal programs.

As you do so, be aware that for straight men sex with an ex is not, under most circumstances, a prelude to reconciliation. This is a major difference between the guys and the girls. Women often agree to have sex with an ex with an expectation of rekindling the relationship. Men on the other hand bed the ex because she’s often easy pickings… a familiar lady who still has feelings for him and is perhaps in a vulnerable state of mind. Men will always go for easy targets. Some of them will actually keep harems of ex-girlfriends and string them along, adding to the numbers, revisiting bedrooms with a little schmoozing and maybe a liberal application of tequila. From what I see, your guy is no harem keeper. But I don’t buy that he’s “scared” to get back with you. What he is is very content to get sex from you with no strings attached. Any straight guy would be.

My main concern in this is you. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with sleeping with your ex as long as you’re realistic about the result. The problem is, I keep getting the feeling that you’re doing it not only because you secretly want this guy back but worse, because you’re afraid to move on. This man knows you. He knows your body; your likes and dislikes. The two of you have chemistry. You hate the thought of having to go out and start all over with someone new. The whole thing is such an ordeal. It’s risky and frightening and you’re thinking it would be so much easier to just stay in the rut you know. Look, you can keep having sex with this guy if you want but please do it for reasons that are healthy for you. If you’re just using him, and the sex, as an emotional crutch, then it’s time to let go. But I think you already knew that.


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7 thoughts on “Sex Q&A: Should You Have Sex With an Ex?

  1. bella

    in the same boat as Jan here…
    and now I’m the gameplayer S:
    unfortunate – I never thought I had imagined being ‘this’…

    or what is it really?

    perhaps a lesson to follow instincts and heart.
    perhaps a lesson to move on as soon as it does not feel right anymore…

    in the past… I thought that people would talk things over…
    but apparently not..
    just move on.

    I would have made a great partner for a good man at one time… I say this sincerely.

  2. Courtney x5036

    Best to have sex with an ex AFTER he agrees to come back to you. Let him prove his love to you first with his behavior. Absolutely right on Liam! Men can, and will take advantage of vulnerable women.

  3. brit brit

    I have to agree. I am learning to leave my ex along, because it not health for me. This passage gave me insight on how a man feel about his ex. Thank you.

  4. Jan

    Hi Liam, u do make me think…. I have been in the mire of crap lately. Crossed loads of walls that ‘one’ should not do!!! Never a one good at rules, but had been a gud girl for 25 years. Made the choice and went where I should not go, according to society rules, and nearly cracked up worrying about the hurting of other people. 2 Yrs on, still breaking the rules, but once I made a decision to stop worrying about the outcome, etc., and leave it up to the universe to judge me, ‘cos I dont feel I am wrong in my heart, I cope. I try not to overthink it anymore, and try to be honest to myself about the situation, but I keep hoping when it is gone and over, I have no regrets. I have learned a lot too, I know I am not perfect, so far from it in fact, and also that what I had with my husband was not what it seemed to be, he wanted total control, and thought he had it, I didnt realize this, and am breaking it all up. He cannot change, he tries, but he is just waiting for me to come to my senses, and go back under the thumb where I belong, meanwhile I am planning to get out, and live my end of life my way, but live it, not obey someone elses idea of how I should do this.
    The situation is, a bro-n-law, a sis I love, a husband and all families on all sides of this, the hurt it will/wud cause, and wud it be worth it??? Must be it is, cos I went there knowing, and now it plays out. Funny how things cross ones path, and hurt like hell, but one does learn the lesson, and no regrets….. It happens for a reason I think, so I am gonna live it, enjoy it, lose because of it, but I made a choice so now gonna deal with it and its consequences as and when they arise.
    You make me ? why, Why I dont know, but one thing is, I was not happy, easy picking and I clicked with him, I dont know how he feels for me, but he did start it, and is a gameplayer, and other ‘readers’ have told me he does love me, laugh is, I am so broken and hurt myself, I dont want anyones love anymore, all people you love do to you, is hurt you, so now I am the gameplayer, isnt it SAD??? love your articles, thought provoking!!!


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