I am a married women of 42, and I have a good home. I dearly love my husband, but I know he has never really been satisfied with our sex life. I was raised by strict and religious parents — sex was something good girls didn’t talk about and certainly never did. I don’t really believe that sex is more important for a man than it is for a woman, but I just don’t feel like a sexual person. We’ll watch TV, and I see the way my husband drools over more wild women, but I can’t be like them. I feel funny even trying. I think my husband is attracted to a younger woman at his work, and I’m scared that if I don’t act, he’ll leave.
Stop being afraid, because I sense that in your case, we’ve got a good deal of raw material to work with. Whether you know it or not, there resides within you a very hungry vixen just waiting to get out. I feel there are several factors in this situation that are having adverse effects on your self-esteem.
First, there is a heavily repressive vibration with you from your youth. But more detrimental, by far, is your constant comparison of yourself to other women. We all tend to contrast ourselves with others in a quest for self-definition, but you go much further with this — to the point of being self abusive. And for our purpose here, it has to stop.
You have already won half the battle, for I see that you really do desire change. First thing — accept that you are not the girls on TV. Your husband may find them alluring, but looking at his very natural reactions and then making generalizations about what he likes isn’t helping you one bit. Studying the nuances of his admiration is much more important. Who in a group of girls does he tend to admire most? Does he like bad girls or the sexy geek?
Our subconscious is the primary mover in the realm of attraction and seduction, so pay attention to type. Realize that while you may not be ‘that’ girl, you do have that ‘type’ inside you. You just have to ‘feed’ that portion of your identity. If you really pay attention to types, you will note that besides the bikini bodies, the ‘type’ your husband likes most is the sexy, intelligent, shy girl. The ones with the glasses and ponytails that like to read books. Sound familiar?
All you really have to do is sex it up a little. A hint of sexiness goes a long way. Start wearing garter belts and black stockings under your skirts. Take your heels to a new level. Let him see you reading the classics of erotic literature. But forget about doing any of this for him — it only works if you do it for ‘you.’
You probably don’t feel like a ‘sexy‘ person just now. You’ve never really tried. But give it a chance! It’s like a new exercise regime. For the first few weeks, it’s going to feel awkward — but you just have to keep pushing to get anywhere. I see that your husband is indeed attracted to the shy little bookworm secretary, but he’s far more attracted to the shy little bookworm he has at home. Take that to the bank and use it to your advantage.
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