Sex Q&A: Obsessive Sex Fantasies: Threesomes

Sexual experimentation as a team is healthy. The fantasy of a threesome becomes about you giving “consent” or permission for him to seek pleasure with another.

He Wants a Threesome

Laura asks:

My boyfriend obsesses over threesomes. Why?

Liam’s Response:

Greetings, Laura and thanks for your inquiry. From the energy of your question I’m guessing that you’re referring to the FFM variety of threesome (i.e., two hens and a rooster). The concept has been so clichéd as an aspect of straight masculine fantasy as to be almost laughable. What I find interesting is that people can still approach it as something risque and novel when such triads have been a rather standard part of human sexual expression for time out of mind. Both men and women not only make such fantasies a healthy aspect of their sex lives but often indulge in the actual experience in a quest for more decadent erotic understanding. For a man, the fantasy of being in bed with two girls is actually less common nowadays than watching his wife or girlfriend in bed with two guys. It almost has a certain nostalgic, 80s-porn flavor to it. But for the brave and the willing, such experiences can go far beyond the adult film cliché into realms of passion and ecstasy never before experienced.

Why does your boyfriend obsess over threesomes? Why does anyone? Men and women both have those kinds of fantasies. In relationships, sexuality can either be fixed and stagnant or energetic and evolving. And for those who see the sexual aspects of their relationship as a living, growing composition, true magic can be found. Your boyfriend is approaching you with an ardent desire, not just in terms of his own wishes, but also for the two of you as a team to indulge in some form of sexual experimentation. It’s novel. It’s naughty, and he’s including you. He’s being honest. As to why he loves the idea of two women in bed—well, people harbor all sorts of fantasies and there are myriad reasons why. In the case of your boyfriend, I think he’s always had the fantasy of making love to more than one woman at a time. By putting you in the room and into the bed, the fantasy becomes about you giving “consent” or permission for him to seek pleasure with another. It’s actually a fantasy about your acceptance of his needs. It’s also about power. Having two lovely ladies willing to please each other and him—who wouldn’t love that?

But this is about you as well, Laura, even though I notice you didn’t ask me about your role or place in the situation. I have a feeling you think men have some alien sexual mindscape that you, as a woman, cannot understand. When the fact is, you have an alien sexual mindscape that you don’t even know exists. You think normal women don’t obsess over anything sexual; fetishes and fantasies and all that. But they do. Our culture likes to tell you nonsense about women being less diverse in their sexual needs. It’s a lie. Now, I’m not saying that threesomes are necessarily your cup of tea. They might be, and they might not. What I am saying is it’s up to you to figure that out. I encourage you to continue speaking openly to your boyfriend about his obsession and more important, to share with him your deepest and darkest fantasies. If you don’t have any of those, go out and get some. Know your own sexuality and then understanding someone else’s will be easier. It’s when you don’t know yourself that things get complicated.


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6 thoughts on “Sex Q&A: Obsessive Sex Fantasies: Threesomes

  1. Athena

    Hi Liam,

    Hope all is well. It is so true that knowing oneself is the starting point in life and in relationships. Here is an analogy, if you are a “duck”, you will naturally gravitate towards water and be most compatiable (sexually and emotionally) with another “duck”. So if you are feeling confused call Liam because he will help you discover who you are and then you can go find your match.

    Thanks Liam for your wonderful article and amazing insights!

  2. Wendy Richards

    I totally agree with you that women desire sex and have wild fantasies as much as or if not more than men. About 3 1/2 years ago I became a swinger. I loved it so much that I wrote an autobiography about it. It’s called ” Swing N2 My World”. You can find it on Amazon or Barnes&Noble. You can even read the first few pages if you click on ” Look inside”. I would really like to help women find their sexual freedom. I’m not suggesting that everyone become a swinger but to work out their own fantasies. Just sayin’ is all!!
    Your Friend, Wendy Richards

  3. Destiny

    I find myself on 10,000,000 ALL THE TIME sexually for some time now. I was involved with a friend for quit a while, and now I’m not. During the time that its been since we were together last; I’m GOIN APE SHIT!!!! I can’t call him; wouldn’t dare. A new person is outta the question right now,,,,,WTF??? In need of Serious advice!!!

  4. Sue

    My ex, for the last 20 years of our marriage asked, and begged for a 3-some, even though I tried to be adventerous in the bedroom, and even engaged in things which made me feel cheap and dirty. That didn’t work. He still wanted someone else (he said at that point, he had only had me as his partner). With that, he went out an had YET ANOTHER affair, and our marriage was over. He had also asked for a prostitute. No win situation for me. Game over.

  5. brenda

    This is not what a lot of men fantasize about. I would let this guy go and fulfill his dreams. In this day and age there aren’t many sexual boundaries in place. I guess that is why STDs are on the rise. Move on to someone more loyal.


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