A man wonders if the man he just met is his soulmate or not. Should he stick around and develop a relationship, or should he keep it causal? Liam weighs in with his thoughts on soulmates.
Is He Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now?
Daniel from Los Angeles, California asks:
Liam, I recently chose to accept my sexuality and have ventured to try and date men and see what the universe holds for me. I was once told by a psychic that I was to find my soulmate exactly two months after I moved to Los Angeles. Two weeks shy of the two months, I met a guy named Paul and we hit it off right away. Our connection is strong, and the romance and intimacy are definitely evident, but I am wondering where this relationship will go, and if he is my soulmate or not.
The characteristics told to me by the psychic do not match Paul at all, but I am curious to know why we are in each others’ lives. I don’t mind the journey if this is meant to be brief, yet I am wondering if I should make a commitment to him, or keep it casual (and possibly lose him because he wants a relationship). I am a guy who seeks the true warmth of a soulmate or very special person, so I am eager to find that person, instead of floating around the dating world. Have you any insights for me Liam? Many blessings to you!
Greetings, Daniel, and thanks so much for your inquiry. First let me offer my congratulations on coming out. Then let me advise you to forget this business about what the universe might or might not hold. You have been bold and self-honest and in doing so you create your own destiny. You, my friend, are young. The whole of this strange world of wonder and woe stands before you and you’re off to a remarkably good start by venturing forth in courage. But as I am the resident slayer of illusions, I fear I must take the proverbial red pen to some of the notions you maintain. A few years ago I wrote a counter view to the modern notion of soulmates and twin flames and all that other nonsense. Though I by no means begrudge you your beliefs, I do hope you’ll be very careful of blindly accepting western mutations of eastern thought. For the most part they are little more than nifty, new age marketing strategies—great for selling books and filling sign-up sheets at workshops. The fact is, you dig the idea of soulmates because you fear alteration, because you’re young and insecure, and the promise of a soulmate handpicked for you by a benevolent universe is a safe bet that guarantees you a loving pair bond you won’t have to suffer to obtain. In the words of Amy Grant, “Love’s not like that.”
And thank the gods it’s not. What an adventure we’d miss out on if it was. What opportunities for growth and experience we would lose. What I would like, Daniel, is to see you continue being interested in spiritual topics while maintaining a healthy ability to check things out from other perspectives beyond the new age mainstream. Because of your anxiety over what some reader told you, you’re not giving the relationship you have much of a chance. Love is about losing yourself in the embrace of another. It is the Divine Mystery. No, this man is not your soulmate. He is Paul. He is funny and smart and a little bit goofy, and he cares for you. Isn’t that what really matters?
You’re very young, Daniel. No matter what you decide to believe about soulmates or anything else, you shouldn’t be focusing your attention on finding that “one and only” lifetime relationship. You need to spend some time just living life. Enjoy your time with Paul; grow with him. You’ll have other partners and other relationships and each of these people deserves to be known and experienced and loved for who they are… for their own unique spirit and grace. Give up on the goal, and you’ll be surprised what awaits.
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