Sex Q&A: Can the Good Guy Win the Woman?

She’s on the rebound from a tough divorce and you’ve fallen in love. Learn to see the bigger picture and whether or not your relationship will work.

The Nice Guy Can Win in Time

Al from Belvidere, Illinois asks:

I befriended a woman, not physically, and we just spending time together going out – essentially I consoled her through a rough divorce. Now she’s telling me that we need to limit our conversations for a while while she pulls herself together, but we still talk. She seems distant at times, but doesn’t shut me out, and she still initiates contact with me. I’ve connected emotionally with her, but feel lost as to where to go. I realize it was probably wrong to let my emotions get out of control with a woman not ready for a relationship, but now I’m here. Should I hang tough or remain friends and find someone new? She’s a Leo, and I’m a Scorpio.

Liam’s Response:

Greetings, Al. This is indeed quite a quandary you’ve managed to get yourself into, filled with variable layers of changing perceptions and abundant sexual tension. Not a bad little pursuit for a Scorpio male. And I see that like others of your sign, you are quite clever and harbor very few illusions about the current situation. You understand the danger of being fitted too neatly into the dreaded “friend” category by the American female. For some reason, Western culture has taught women to be adverse to nice guys and they often cannot seem to find a great deal of desire for men who treat them well… Go figure…Of course I generalize, but you get my meaning. I know your fear of being typecast and why you have it. Right now, you’re thinking that it might have been better if you had seduced her outright during her vulnerable stage and then vanished for six months. Indeed if you had, she’d very likely be writing your name with hers in hearts right now. Unfortunately, against all your better judgment, you are a nice guy. That’s just you. You’re an idealist to boot. In spite of some hard-luck experience, you really want to believe there are women out there who will forgo all the mystique and intrigues of the “players” in order to enjoy the honest affections of a genuine man with a good nature. Women who would prefer as Mickey Rooney once advised anyone looking for a real commitment, to marry their best friend. I salute you, because believe it or not, such women do exist. In fact, I think you might have actually found one.

In looking at the lady you desire, I sense several conflicting emotions, but her core personality feels solid to me. Her need to communicate with you less appears to have developed out of a fear that you might be getting too attached. After all, she’s no fool. She’s well aware of your feelings for her. And one might assume that she is easing you away to lighten the pain of eventual rejection. But we men must always remember as we pursue our heart’s desire, that women are not like us… They don’t fall in love as quickly. They have to have time to let that sort of feeling develop. I’m afraid that as your friendship grew, your lady began to fear her feelings for you. Her divorce is still fresh, and as she started wondering what it might be like for the two of you together, her mind became riddled with gloomy forecasts, trust issues, and ugly images of being humped and dumped. Letting yourself fall in love with your best friend is a key to all the happiness that can be had in this life. But it is also the greatest risk a person can ever take. You either win it or loss it all, and she just isn’t ready to face that kind of gamble.

Now, don’t beat yourself up over becoming attached to a woman on a major rebound. Once smitten, we poor males have very little power over such matters. From what I see, your lady is a real lady and a true prize to be won. Her bitter experiences have brought her maturity. We must understand her issues and be patient with them. So, here’s your mission. You are to go forth and win this lady for yourself. She’s afraid, and she doesn’t trust men, so don’t become one more reason for that outlook by failing her as a friend. Instead, be the reason for her to find faith again. Be forthright and honest about your intentions, but respect her boundaries and her space. If she insists on friendship only for a time, bow low in acceptance of her wishes, because it’s the lady who dictates the dance. One day you will win her, when she’s ready. In the meantime, just be her friend and live your life well. Go ahead and date some wild women, have adventures, and write that novel you’ve always meant to write. Just don’t give up on her. Set it in your mind that you will have her and have her you will. With honor, as a gentleman should.


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8 thoughts on “Sex Q&A: Can the Good Guy Win the Woman?

  1. Nancy

    Liam is soooo gifted! I love his writing skills and messages. I’ve been with my boyfriend over 3 yrs and have been very patient – which is difficult for a Sag, Aries moon! I met him the month he divorced. He wasn’t looking for a serious relationship, but we were meant to meet. We took a long time to develop trust and had ups and downs, but it’s been well worth it. The “right one” is definitely worth waiting for.

  2. Steve

    Well done, Liam! ESPECIALLY impressed with the last few sentences – suggestions that a person could apply towards ANY situation in their life. (Hopefully, with honor – as you brilliantly stated.) As for Al, I wish him the best. From the manner in which he phrased his question, I have a feeling that what/who he needs, needs him; and who/what he wants will want him. He sounds like a Good ‘Un.

  3. marc from the uk

    Very wise words, I always find Liams articles, clinical and factual without the giddiness of drama and flowers! Always educational and MAKES SENSE! Clearly a credit to this website.

  4. Mimi

    Dear Liam! I really appreciate your work and analysis of the human behavior. I feel am at a crossroad in my life and I need a little clarity and guidance. If you will take the time to analyze it, I would be very grateful.

    I have been in a 11 years relationship with a man that is 20 years older than me. He is an evolved soul, nice person and we have had a great connection. Lately I don’t feel fulfilled and have the intention of leaving him. The idea of leaving him behind it crushes my heart but in the same time I am not happy if I stay in this relationship. What shall I do? I feel trapped. Please help. Thank you!


  5. Patricia

    Not only you should pursue, cause just listening to the story, while reading is like, very beautiful heart. And Liam could not serve better the cause:

    There will be Ladies, for Gentlemen always.
    Myself, I am independently in needs to step alone at times, but I recognize good men are very best, very few, never change your heart and Best of Success to YOU & love ones.
    Patricia, SF

  6. Sally

    Liam’s response to this good and decent man is just ever so impressive and insightful !! I do hope this lady overcomes her fears as there are few men in this world like this fine guy. Having married very young, and stayed married, with someone for many many years until his death who was never a friend I will say that friendship is the greatest basis for true love. Liam, you have the most wonderful insight into human nature. This comes from an old gal whose been on medicare for quite some time. Just the fact that I am responding to this says a lot as I’ve never done o before !!

  7. Hitomi

    I am so happy to read this because I am the woman. All my wishes in man that you just descrived in here. I see now what should be done in a life and will be is the best way. I am hoping that could be my destine too. Thank you again.


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