Red Responds: Is Cheating a Cry for Help?

A cheating spouse or partner is always a devastating situation. Knowing whether you want to move forward or cut your losses is a difficult thing. Each situation is unique and some even end up creating a stronger relationship as we will see.

Should You Forgive and Trust a Cheating Spouse?

Friday from Nigeria asks:

If you forgive a cheating partner, does that means that he/she will not cheat again when they accept they’re back in the relationship?

Psychic Red ext. 9226 Responds:

Dear Friday,

Just because a disloyal partner is forgiven for their transgressions, it does not guarantee absolute loyalty. It would be nice if it worked that way, but it doesn’t. However, the opposite is also true – just because someone strays once, it isn’t indicative a pattern of behavior that will continue to repeat. There are no hard and fast rules when it comes to fidelity, only individual situations, opportunities, and responses. Are you dealing with a cheating spouse and need advice, contact a psychic today!

Many times, when a relationship is tested by infidelity, it redefines the couple. The cheater often finds clarity and an appreciation for their forgiving partner that they never would have achieved otherwise. As the anger and pain is worked through on both sides, the foundation of the relationship is deconstructed and rebuilt – often deepening the feelings and ability to more boldly hone with one another into play. This can be a very healing path, for the individuals and relationship, leading to a deeper love and stronger foundation. This is no easy task, but very worthwhile for those who truly do want to honor their partner fully and create a happier, healthier, successful union.

While forgiving someone of such a huge betrayal is painful and difficult, this is only the beginning of the hard work. The relationship itself needs to reflect the forgiveness, and go through the process of rebuilding trust, and correcting deficiencies. For some people, cheating is their way of crying out that there are issues or problems, within themselves, or the foundation of the relationship. All too often I hear, “He (or she) doesn’t understand me” or “He (or she) doesn’t hear me.” And they go on to say, “But this outside party really seemed to get me – and things just happened.” Well, nothing “just happens,” but the reasons for WHY it happened is what needs to be examined and worked through.

Typically, people who are happy with their partners and relationships don’t cheat. They think about it, even fantasize about it, but they won’t endanger their true happiness and stability by reckless affairs for fear of destroying their relationship or hurting their partner. Nine times out of ten, the cheater was trying to soothe themselves, and hurting their mate is simply collateral damage, not the true intent. But, every action does cause a reaction…

Working through a single transgression can be one of the most difficult, and most rewarding, challenge a relationship can overcome. But if forgiveness cannot actually be achieved or infidelity is a repeat theme or occurrence, then the relationship itself is likely to fail and may not actually be worth trying to save. While many people believe in the saying that, “Everybody deserves a second chance,” the truth is, that is a very personal judgment and decision. Love and trust go hand in hand – one will suffer without the other.

Brightest Blessings,

Red

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6 thoughts on “Red Responds: Is Cheating a Cry for Help?

  1. kb

    I was with my ex for 4 years. During those 4 years I often felt as if I was being cheated on (I was in a relationship with a man before this relationship for 6 years and never once did I feel insecured, unsafe, jealous etc so I know what I was feeling wasn’t just my own creation because my 6 years long relationship was 3.5 years of long distance without seeing the other partner for one single second)……..I even caught this guy with another woman while he had lied about his whereabouts……..it crushed me and I left…..he came back and I fell for, “I never cheated on you, she was just a friend” but my heart always says it otherwise. For me, lying and even emotionally thinking about being with someone else is not normal or natural or love for that matter. I can really say that what I felt for my first boyfriend of 6 years was so devine and I feel so lucky to have received that kind of love and I was foolish and too young to appreciate what I had and I walked away for reasons that felt valid at that age. Now a days, I’m just confused with what people’s standards are…..if you are lying or hanging out with another person, thats not cheating; its not cheating unless you shared your bed with someone. Like Really ?? Whatever happened to having to live with your soul and reflecting on your self and living with your soul and feeling guilty. I just wish my recent ex would just admit to it. I swear if he would say he cheated, I WOULD NEVER LOOK BACK and MOVE ON with peace. Love should have no space for lies or causing hurt to someone. And if you know you have done something to hurt someone, you must admit because the other person has the right to know so that they can make decisions accordingly. He ran away again blaming me for everything, but I’m strong and I just laugh at his stupidity and immaturity.

    Reply
  2. amy

    I am the other woman. What if you truly, madly deeply feel in love ? Do you think the other person doesn’t go through anguish ? Do you think you have a choice ? We’ve tried to stay away…..we haven’t met for more than a year…..but i miss him so much. He is trying to make things work with his wife and i wish him every happiness. He changed my life and i know they’ll never be anyone else for me. I separated from my husband of 19years and he doesn’t even know why – i could not stay with him loving another man even though there’s possibly no future. I’m trying to pick up the pieces….living a day at a time. Trying to find a reason to go on.

    Reply
  3. Dee

    I was cheated on and actualy met the other woman wow the deceit and lies were truly exposed my ex basicaly had an emotional as well as physical affair and I believe if I had not met the other woman he would of continued. Fast forward to 2 years later he is trying to get back for the last 2 years ??? I believe he has truly felt a loss without me and those feelings can play with my heart strings but I ask myself at the time he was cheating he had chances to walk away he chose not too. Selfishness and no respect aside from no trust come full circle and propels me to move forward and although it hurt my esteem and made me cautious and guarded today I dont give up on the hope that my next relationship will be one that is based on trust and love. I could of handled a one night stand mistakes do happen but you really need to examine the circumstances surrounding the cheating. Hence as time has passed and he realizes I am not getting back together his selfishness surfaces and reminds me Its all about him his needs. wants and gives me further affirmations that although Iam still single I have my self respect and hope that someone is out there.

    Reply
  4. Donna

    Should you trust your man if he babysits at his children mom’s home and his children continually try to get him and their mom back together.

    Reply
  5. Sue

    My husband cheated at year 12. We tried going to counseling (or at least I did. he went once and didn’t like feeling his fault was brought to light) but for the rest of the 31 year marriage, he only wanted to sleep with someone else. He continued to treat me like I was there only for his purposes. Then he found someone else. As I was packing to leave, I told him that had he been home more, instead of out being Mr. Heating and Air, I, too, would have paid him more attention and we could have worked it out. Bottom line, He only wanted to sleep with a new body, and nothing I could do would change that — or his attitude. Down the crapper after 31 yrs. Hope he does the same to her.

    Reply
  6. philip

    I believe that ,the people who are happy with their partners and relationships don’t cheat. They think about it, even fantasize about it, but they won’t endanger their true happiness and stability by reckless

    Reply

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