The loss of a child has had a negative impact on one couple’s relationship. They have shut each other out to deal with their own grief. Will they ever reconcile?
The Tragic Loss of a Child
Irene from Gaithersburg asks:
My significant other (Cody) and I lost our baby, Jacob, over a year ago. Things haven’t been the same with our relationship. Recently, Cody wanted a break from me. Now I don’t know if we will get back together anymore. I’m still grieving over the loss of our baby. It seems like Cody is pushing me away. Will our relationship be able to have a second chance and will we have another baby together in the future? Thanks so much for your help!!
Psychic Red ext. 9226 Responds:
I am so sorry for your loss. There really are no words… Know that my heart bleeds for both you and Cody.
Everyone handles grief differently. Losing Jacob was, and still is, a hard blow to both of you. While the two of you are bound by this shared sorrow, each of you handles the aftermath quite differently. Unfortunately, these difference have created a block or a wedge in your relationship, which added significant stress to some of the issues that existed prior to Jacob’s death.
Cody doesn’t think that you’ve been the same since losing Jacob, and he doesn’t know how to help you. In many ways, he believes you are at a place where you will be okay, but he also feels as if he has failed you. You may not realize it, but in your struggles to come to terms with your grief, there were times when you sort of pushed Cody away. Even though you did this for the sake of your own sanity, he only partially understands that. There is additional confusion, because as you tried to be strong and bring back a semblance of normalcy to everyday life, there were also times when he didn’t feel as if you were acknowledging his struggles and grief. Each of you, in different ways, shut down emotionally. Each of you also did your best to “be strong” for the other. While you both had the best of intentions, it has created more than a little uncertainty.
Jacob brought the two of you closer together, so it is understandable that losing him has caused many of the un-addressed issues and fears regarding your relationship to surface. While your love for one another is strong, both of you falter a bit on the communication plane—especially when it comes to sharing and expressing what is really going on in the depths of your respective beings.
It is true that your relationship with Cody can’t simply pick up where it left off. Things are different now, as are the two of you. Cody asked for this “break” when he did because he felt that you could now handle being alone, and he needs to have space to sort through his feelings honestly. This is a very scary time, because Cody’s personality is one that conforms to “what is,” and he doesn’t always fight for what he wants, or what could be. This puts a bit of pressure and responsibility directly on your shoulders.
Keeping in mind that the two of you aren’t necessarily the best communicators when you are talking to one another, I really want to encourage you to write to Cody. I’m not talking about texting or email, I’m talking about an old-fashioned pen-and-ink letter in which you completely unveil yourself. Tell him how you are feeling, what you’ve gone through, why you’ve done the things you have and behaved in certain manners. Share with him your hopes and dreams. Tell him why you love him, and what makes him different and special. Give him all this information in a form that he can hold, and re-read; something tangible that he can refer to as he continues to try and find himself. Be painfully honest, but in a way that he doesn’t feel pressured or cornered, because he does need time to sort things out.
This isn’t going to be a miracle cure, but it does present as the best chance you have to start healing your relationship. Write the letter, and when you have it perfect, send or give it to him, and let him take it from there. The next move is up to him. It’s going to be hard. Actually, it’s going to be nerve-wracking, because he isn’t going to respond to you immediately. Tough it out, and give him the time he needs. Don’t call, text, or email. If your relationship is going to be saved, it is because he comes back to you in a more stabilized state of being, ready to work through the past issues and open to creating a fresh start with you. Anything else will only bring about an off-and-on pattern between the two of you, that will eventually come to an end.
Your Cody can be quite stubborn, but he typically isn’t a fool. Everything I’m looking at says if you tell him how you feel and bide your time patiently, you two will find your way back to one another. But, if you push, or if he resists, you may find yourselves following separate paths. The odds favor a reunion and rebuilding your relationship into something more loving and stronger than it was before, but the window of opportunity isn’t indefinite—timing and free will both play a major role. Everything is being presented in a very optimistic light. I see the two of you working together as a couple before we reach the end of November. However, if this does not come to pass, and you and Cody have not reunited by the second week of February 2013, everything changes, and your romantic future will begin to unfold with another soul.
I’m sorry if some of this information adds to your pain and confusion, but I am bound to tell you what I see. Unfortunately, not every question boils down to a yes/no answer, and not every relationship is fated for a particular destiny. The best thing you can do for yourself, Irene, is to send off your letter and leave the rest is the hands of the Universe. While that may seem risky to you, look at it for what it is—a time to focus on yourself, tend to your needs, and continue your quest for balance and growth.
It is not uncommon for tragedy to escalate into chaos, as you have learned first-hand. It’s not right, nor is it fair; but you can’t change the past or forget all you’ve been through. Hard as everything may be, it’s your faith and strength that will see you through the darkness and bring you back into the light. For reasons that I don’t understand and aren’t being revealed to me, you are meant to be alone at this point in your life. Whatever the purpose, you will pass this very cruel “test,” and transition into a more rewarding life. Your future shines with laughter and love, family, and security. While the probability that you experience this with Cody is high, if not him, you don’t end up alone. Do your best to let faith replace your fear. It may not seem like it at this moment, but peace and happiness are coming, and you have a future that won’t be hard to embrace.
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