Red Responds: Why They Hide Your Relationship

If you’ve never met their friends or relatives, they don’t stay overnight, they are only available on the weekend, they might be hiding something.

Is Mr. Right Now Enough?

Chrystal from Vicksburg asks:

I have been involved with a man for close to a year now. When we are together, we seem to share a closeness that I haven’t experienced in a long time. We live approximately thirty minutes away from each other, and we both have small children from previous relationships. I keep asking him to spend nights with me, and every time there is some excuse why he can’t. I truly feel that he shares a home with another woman; therefore, he can’t stay the night with me. I have been frustrated and confused over this ordeal, and I’m ready to throw in the towel. What do you recommend I do?

Psychic Red ext. 9226 Responds:

Dear Chrystal,

It’s time for you to sit down with your lover and really discuss the relationship. You see, he isn’t running home, because he has a dutiful partner waiting for him. But it is also true that his house isn’t his alone. While this arrangement isn’t romantic, it is problematic, because he is hiding his relationship with you.

Part of the reason why he won’t sleep over is image, the other part is pure commitment-phobia. You see, if he spends nights with you, he can no longer deny he is involved. With the current arrangement, he has a level of freedom and comfort. But when he starts sleeping over, all of that will change, including creating complications with the arrangement he has with his sometimes roommate. I will admit, this is an odd dynamic, but he does have a way of getting people, particularly women, to take care of him and his needs – without revealing too much truth or information.

He’s not a bad guy, but his walls are high and his boundaries are firm. Even though you do share a connection, and you do enjoy his company, some part of you recognizes that he isn’t freely surrendering to you or this relationship. Sure, he’s afraid to, but where exactly is that leaving you?

I’m not going to tell you to keep him or dump him, that is your decision to make. But I am going to tell you that if continue suppressing your thoughts and fears, this relationship is going to eat you alive. Furthermore, while it doesn’t appear like your time with this man is over, it also doesn’t look like he’s the one you are meant to build a life with, either.

In time, the two of you will go your separate ways, and a man who is actually emotionally available is going to take your current boyfriend’s place.

Chrystal, sometimes the game remains the same, but the rules are what changes. As far as this relationship goes, your lover never gave you the rule book. Having said that, if what this man brings into your world right now is enough, understand that it’s okay if you roll with it. But do so knowing that you are going to want more, and more than he is willing to give, and therein lies the problem. He may not be Mr. Right, but that doesn’t mean he is a poor choice for Mr. Right Now. That might seem like a very cold statement, but it does bring a stronger level of balance into this relationship. The two of you do help to heal one another, and there’s nothing wrong or bad in that. But each of you has a very separate future to discover. That knowledge doesn’t create a need to end things abruptly or badly, unless, of course, that is what you want.

Talk to him. Prepare yourself for him to evade your questions and the issues at hand, because that is what he will do. But know that you have a bit of the upper hand, because he will keep coming back for as long as you want him to. This relationship will not grow and evolve into what you want, but for now, it does seem to offer aspects of what you need. So, enjoy the good, learn from the bad, and you’ll know when it’s time to move on and let go.

Brightest Blessings,


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6 thoughts on “Red Responds: Why They Hide Your Relationship

  1. Marcy

    Hello Red,
    I have been seeing someone on and off since 2010. He kept saying that he is not ready for a serious relationship and just want to have a great time with me. Yet still he talk about our kids, where we going to live and much more plans for the future. I am so confused. Does this guy loves me? He kept saying that he do love me. Will this lead to a exclusive relationship? Please help me, I have never been so confused.

    Thanks Red.

  2. Marc from the UK

    Very educational and well written, I have experienced something similar and that explains a lot about me and the other person at the time, I like the part where it is explained that these people involved are not necessarily bad or wrong for each other but just accepting if they wish that the relationship as it is, but realising there will be a time to move on, I like the comment about being emotinally available, I have experienced desparately being in a relationship physically but the spirit was way behind which was soooooo frustrating at the time. By the time the spirit caught up to much bad stuff had happened to try and hurry the relationship along, which destroyed trust. The other person is now not available neither am I but I do wonder now that life has journeyed on a bit that if we had a chance to meet and catch up and explain things that a lot of angst could be laid to rest and another part of life put to rest. Great article to read for anyone looking to heal and understand.


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