Becky from Garlands asks:
Why am I still so attracted to my ex-husband?
Psychic Red ext. 9226 Responds:
Dear Becky,
It doesn’t always make sense when you try and break down why you’re attracted to someone, and trying to understand it certainly doesn’t make it any easier to purge yourself of thoughts and feelings toward someone you ultimate accept as being part of your past.
A large chunk of the attraction toward your ex that you struggle with has to do with the karmic bonds that still show up between the two of you. Even though there is still unfinished business there, it doesn’t appear as if this is the lifetime in which the two of you will balance the scales and wipe the slate clean.
Your head and your heart ultimate agree that your ex really isn’t any good for you, especially when you look at the present or toward the future. But, that doesn’t mean he’s completely out of your system, either. There is some powerful history between you two, and in some aspects, you are still fond of and drawn in by what he represents. Also, and excuse me if I’m getting to personal, but in memory and in fantasy—there’s still a lot of heat! This certainly will cause you to wonder (anyone with a heartbeat would!) if the sparks that remain are somehow intended to smolder or reignite into something more. As you know, and ultimately accept—your ex is your ex, and that isn’t going to change.
I’m not going to give you the speech about how everything ultimately works out for the best, and how, in time, your feelings and fantasies regarding your ex will dissipate and fade away. You already know this, and you know it to be true. But, it’s not always that simple. There is still a bond and a karmetic connection that remains. It won’t matter how much time passes, or how happy you are with your life and your partner, you will still have those moments when thoughts and feelings for your ex creep back in and create confusion in your head, heart and world. During these times, there is little else for you to do but your best to work through it.
Your ex-husband will be in-and-out of your life, for the rest of your life. There is a lot of unfinished business between the two of you that helps to keep the connection burning and alive, but each of you is destined to walk down separate paths. Keep this in mind, because over the next several decades there will be opportunities for the two of you to… express some physical urges. But, each opportunity presents as limiting in the relationship sense, and one or the other of you will not be able or willing to invest in the relationship, or able to stay.
Unfortunately, your attraction toward him will ebb and flow. I wish I could tell you that it was going to go away or lead somewhere, but the truth is this is an attraction that will leave you hurting or empty if you were to try and make things into something more.
I wish I had better news for you.
Brightest Blessings,
Red
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8 thoughts on “Red Responds: Why Are You Still Attracted to Your Ex?”
Dear Red,
On August 10th 2011, I had a clairvoyant reading done regarding my relationship with my ex-male friend. Since her prediction has not surface in the time frame she gave me, I am beginning to wonder if any of it is true? Can you help me understand how these reading are predicted a should I stop waiting for it too happen?
i have been dating my current boyfriend scotty for a year and a half. ..and i wanna get married and have another baby i am a 31year old single mother of 3 and hes 28 do u see our relationship leading in that direction?
hi red, please help me understand why im still attracted to my ex partner & cant seem to get him out of my thoughts even though its been a year since we split. He still contacts me & im having trouble not contacting him back, yet i no he is no good for me. please help me. Regards Ngaire
Dear Red I don’t even know how to start. Few years back I had a wonderful relationship with a guy who loved me and I loved him very much, and we honestly believed we are soul-mates, then he learned that he fathered a child so he went to fulfill his obligations with our love still very strong and our hearts broken or at least mine was. Last December he kinda tried to get back into my life but me knowing that he’s not free I was angry and upset and didn’t pursued any further. Now him and he’s wife don’t agree on living together and he e-mailed me about it. I am crying every time I think of our love. I am in a long distance relationship with a wonderful guy who I’m planing to marry next year and because this one resurfaced from the past I now have second thoughts about everything. Is my heart playing tricks on me or my love for him is still untouched. Will I be able to go on having a normal life with my new love or I will think of the other one always? I am so confused…I don’t know what to do. If you can help with some advice I would appreciate that very much. Thanks Red. Orsy
My marriage to my ex husband was tough at best marriage. i loved him dearly but he was never really open to me and fluid in his feelings and communication. i needed him to help me to change my life for the better financially and he did that and gave me credibility too. The trouble i am having is that i dont know if my husband is gay and punished me for that over the years. Or he is involved in another relationship wiht a woman. i have a seven year old adopted son who he has put through hell to play dirty in the divorce. Is this about another person or is this anger because i could not make him straight. How do i get him to be fair and end this divorce . to my financial advantage
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DEAR RED..I DOESNT BOTHER ME IF MY PARTNER IS STILL FRIENDS WITH HIS EX-S..BUT IF IT BECOMES PHYSICAL THAN THAT IS WHERE I STEP OUT…THAT TO ME IS CHEATING…I FEEL IF YOU LOVE A PERSON THERE IS NO REASON TO CHEAT..UNLESS THEY ARE DESPERATE FOR SEX…IT MIGHT NOT BE LOVE…BUT IF THEY TURN THINGS AROUND LIKE IM SEEING MY EX-S…THE QUESTION WOULD THEY ACCEPT IT..THEN I SAY ALL IN LOVE AND WAR…..I FEEL IF SOMEONE HAS A CHOICE THEY CAN..YOU HAVE YOUR CAKE AND EAT IT TO….TALKING TO EX-S IS ALRIGHT WITH ME.. WITHOUT SEX..BUT WHEN IT COME DOWN TO THAT THAT TO TO ME CHEATING…WE ALL HAVE EX-S IN OUR LIFETIME…I HAVE QUITE A FEW OF THEM AND IF I CALL THEM UP I CAN ALSO CHEAT..BUT THEM CHEATING IS ONLY IF PEOPLE ARE COMMINTED..WHAT IS LEFT OF MY LIFE I WANT TO GO TO BED WITH A PEACE OIF MIND..NOT KNOWING WHO HE IS SEEING NOW..I CANT LIVE LIKE THAT..THAT IS WHY I SAY THEY SHOULD BE FREE..
These words are very, very true!!!!!!!
I will ALWAYS love my ex but he was very hurtful to me and I didn’t want our children to grow up with that! I found a wonderful father for them and we’ve been married 42 years so my children had a stable upbringing but my love for my ex is as strong as ever!!!!! Unfortunatly, he died 4 years ago without me telling him how much I loved him!!! I believe he knew this but he would have been very happy to hear it!!!!!! His sister sent me his ashes to bury with his parents, so I take a trip every week to visit the cemetery which is a half hour away.
I had some strange instances after he died that I KNOW came from him to me!!!!
This article meant a lot to me…….thanks