Red Responds: Should I Leave My Partner for My Soulmate?

A man must choose between two women: his wife and a woman he met in Finland that he strongly believes is his soulmate. What is the right decision?

Who is My Twin Flame?

Destination Unknown from Calgary asks:

Hi, This whole twin flame/soulmate connection has me really confused. I am positive I have met my twin flame/soulmate while on a business trip to Finland. The meeting was very accidental and it was very powerful—we talked so easily and comfortably. We spent a few hours together and when I was on the plane heading back to Canada I could not stop crying. This has me really confused and doing things I would not normally do. I am married to a wonderful woman, but we have grown apart in the last few years and I am not sure what my next step is. I have since been back to Finland to spend time with the person who I feel is my twin flame. The feelings were so powerful between us, but I ran, and I feel nothing but pain now. Why did I run? I feel it is because of the powerful connection I have with this person. She also feels the same connection with me and I feel her pain when she is suffering. This is very confusing and wonderful at the same time.

Psychic Red ext. 9226 Responds:

Dear Destination Unknown,

Let’s be honest here for a minute. As painful as it may be, you know exactly where, and with whom, you belong. You are at a crossroads, my friend. The miserable part about it is you have to figure out what you’re going to do with it.

Your wife is a lovely woman and there is a lot of shared history there. But, it’s not she who fills your mind in the morning, nor is it she who is your last thought at night. Even though you care for and about her, can you honestly say that you are still in love with her?

Unfortunate as it may be, your wifewho has done nothing wrongis still caught in the crossfire. Don’t kid yourself into thinking she hasn’t sensed a change in you, because she has. Unfortunately, this means that you need to step back, take some honest time for yourself, and decide what kind of life you really want to have.

Your marriage is a saveable entity. So, it’s not as if things are so far gone that you can’t find happiness and peace within it. You can. But, you are going to have to want to.

You ran from your lover, pretty much out of sheer guilt. Things actually felt too right. But, because you are an essentially good and caring person, it was almost too much to bear. The guilt comes from a place of knowing that sacrificing your marriage to be with your love wouldn’t be as difficult as what you fear. It actually makes sense to you, somehow.

The worst thing you can do to yourself, not to mention these two lovely ladies, is to take too much time trying to sort through it all. Your lover knows you aren’t freebut she can’t help how she feels. Your wife knows that you have become jumpy, secretive, and bordering on unhappybut she doesn’t know how to fix it. A very large part of her is afraid to ask for the truth, because she’s fairly certain that she isn’t going to like what she hears. Sometimes it’s easier to deny what is known than to face it head on.

If you were a selfish person you would have already dumped your wife and would be with your true love. It is the sense of responsibility of the life you’ve built that keeps you still. But, even in your stillness, you are yearning to fill the void that only your lover can fill.

You may feel like your destination is unknown, but it is not unknown so much as undecided. You very much are at the most major crossroads you will encounter in this life. It’s a heavy burden to bear, knowing that your choices will effect others almost as much as they effect you. It doubly sucks because there isn’t a clear right or wrong answer out there in the ether just waiting for you. Truthfully, there is no “wrong” answer; only decisions to be made and the proper actions to take. Happiness will follow, regardless of the path you take.

If you choose to stay with your wife, you will save yourself from a lot of explaining, and will remain in good standing with friends, family and the community. In many ways this looks like an easier road, not to mention the more logical path.

Your lover will not wait forever. She is destined to have a happy future, and a marriage that is based on love. She can fulfill that destiny with you. However, if you do not decide how you wish for your future to evolve within the next 16 months, she will move on and fulfill that destiny without you.

You aren’t a bad guy any way I look at you, but you definitely need to learn that you aren’t cut out to live a double life. The guilt that you encounter being torn between two women doesn’t serve you, or either of them. So take a bit of time for yourself, and really examine your options and the repercussions. While you certainly aren’t in a losing situation, whichever victory you choose to accept comes at a price. Decisions need to be made, but only you can make them. So, search you’re soul, excluding guilt and the concept of wrong or right. Whichever love calls to you and makes you the happiest is the one you will ultimately choose. Even though it’s hard, your truest obligation is to you.

Brightest Blessings,


Do you have a question for Red? Ask Red your question now.

11 thoughts on “Red Responds: Should I Leave My Partner for My Soulmate?

  1. Drea

    Barbara, I feel for you and you loss as I too have thought a long term love was about continued respect, love, friendship and devotion but when it becomes seen as obligation and expectation then expectation leads to disappointment and you lose yourself.
    Your husband leaving will make you a stronger woman and lead you into yourself in this journey of life/love-self awareness.
    Take your anger and apply it to making yourself the woman you have yet to be. Your sons are grown and your existence was for your boys and your husband but now its time for YOU.
    You will meet others in the future, love is found at all ages. Maybe even another man was left in the same situation as you and you will cross paths but you will never know what you do not exceed of yourself and what you know. You are in shock and thats ok to feel angry and lost, you may even feel you want to die but your kids will keep you going and you will find your self again in time,

    I have also met the male version of myself, now that dont mean I dont have love for whom I was with nor have I been presented with the situation to stay with who I was, but I KNEW in my soul that this new person was leading me into myself and it was not and has not been easy.
    Twin flames are not so much about romance but growth. And when you see them you see yourself….. it is just so different then any other affair. He sees his SELF in this other person as to where soul mates see the other as their real self and propel them to be a better version of themselves not just living comfortably. You just KNOW and there is no logic….. AT ALL. its in the SOUL. Dont think he has it easy, Karma has its ways but look at it like this. Every person you meet will teach you something or you will teach them, they are catalysts to SELF. seek spirituality – esp youtube lectures online such as Wayne Dyer and such

  2. Gingee

    I too am in a situation where I believe I have found my soulmate. A guy that I was assigned to train at work has come into my life. I feel an electric energy when we are in the same room together ans think of him constantly. He understands me and feels the same about me. I have a boyfriend of 4 and 1/2 years who I live with and no children. He is an alcoholic and mostly functional but most of the responsibility of everyday life is left up to me. I know I do not have a great future with him nor do I know if this guy is the answer to all of my problems but I cannot deny the strong feelings I have towards him and he to myself. I do not want to hurt anyone but I am feeling more and more disappointed in my current relationship. Yesterday he told me he was going to break it off because he doesn’t want me to feel so hurt but when he saw me he couldn’t because he feels the way he does about me. I have considered the same thing and also when I see him I cannot either. He knows that I am not the kind of person to cheat and we haven’t been physical but I don’t want to dismiss this and one day look back at my life and regret my choices. I really care about him and my boyfriend is so dependent on me and I feel like if I broke it off with him he would be crushed and go off on a bad drinking spree and destroy himself. What should I do? I never asked for this to happen, it just did. I’m scared and confused.

  3. Ann

    Sometimes we find wonderful infatuations with so called soulmates because we are avoiding “the next step” what “the soul needs doing” ……. how do you share separate and together in a long term commitment ??? … what are you doing to collaborate and accommodate ???? … your wife talking about children??? … what are you avoiding???? …. perhaps you haven’t looked deeply enough …. easy relating is not the same as commitment over time … the tears dound more like a depression that runs deeper than “torn between teo woman” … a therapist and a good natal chart should help you as you take the time to figure this out

  4. Llehs

    Red, you did not answer his question about this woman being his twin flame. How do you know? I met a man 2 yrs ago that I’m sure is my soulmate but wondering now if he’s my twin flame after reading all the signs. He keeps running away and coming back and it’s driving me crazy. I would like to know if you meet your twin flame are you destined to be together? We are both single and I know he loves me but just won’t admit it. How long should I wait?

  5. Barbara

    Red, I hope you will reply to my letter. I will kindly disagree with your article. I am the wife that got dumped after 33 years. Yes, I would not want him to have been unhappy at any time during those years. I would have appreciated a chance. I did not know he had unhappiness. He told me he hid that. He did not tell me there was anything wrong, so, I could not make any changes to TRY and fix the problem. The other woman left her husband of 33 years because mine made more money. I think they are probably both well matched now since they both lie and cheat. what are your thoughts on that ? Now, at 57 yo, I am left alone, no job because I was always a wife and mom. I have tried some school as my education is out dated. I am from the era, when you take marriage vows to God, you stick to them. I was willing to make changes for him once I found out he was un happy. our divorce has been going on for 4 years. My birthday is May 7th, 1955, what advice would you have for me since it is OK for my husband to move on and be happy with a woman my same age. Am I just supose to roll over and be dead? where do I find my happiness? God will be the judge in the end for alll of us. My husband did not think very well…..he not only lost me, but, his two grown sons have not spoken to him since he left 4 years ago. He also has never met his first grandchild, will miss out on a sons marriage and graduation from college…….He is the looser all the way around. At some point in your life, you have to make a decission. 33 years ago, my husband choose ME. I could fall in Love with a dozen people, but, I have one that I took vows with. Marriage takes work. It is not something You or anyone else should be counseling one person on. Marriage is a partnership. This man and his wife should have gone to counseling together to see if the marriage could be reconciled… husband would never go….as my sons say, because he knows you would have fixed it mom. Thanks for your time.

    1. Beeme

      Barbara I feel bad for your loss but I will say most people think like that, they are ok or everything is fine as long as they get what they want. They refuse to look at the truth and see their relationship for what it is. They say love doesn’t matter but security does but security doesn’t fill an empty heart and it takes bravery to admit things are not working instead of continuing on. Maybe he felt like it wasn’t working years ago and he couldn’t leave because of his obligations but once they were fulfilled he chose to do so. It sounds like you are angry because you sacrificed your happiness to be with him and he didn’t return the favor. Well I think you should see this period as a time to do what you want to do. You don’t want to remain bitter and angry because let this be a lesson that you are just as important as he is and you should never sacrifice your own well being and happiness for anyone. When you do it makes them feel like they owe you instead of willingly giving. You should turn those self sacrifices into self love and trust yourself to figure out what you need.

    2. Charrise

      Wow I understand where you’re coming from, as I was reading the article I was in awe that someone would persuade a man to leave his wife for a “soul mate”, that sounds crazy to me even though I believe in soul mates, once you make a marriage vow it shouldn’t be broken unless one was getting abused or something. Its just sad that people give up when things get dull or difficult instead of working it out by communicating! I’m sorry that happened to you I hope you find the the peace and love you deserve.

  6. arise

    Good response, Red. I would add from experience that separation is highly valuable in this kind of situation. It will help you determine how life would be without your wife (you might be surprised at the results). It will also help your wife, and all your social circle, to adjust to any potential change. And it will help your lover to be patient, because there is some outward sign that the issue is being addressed. Good luck!

  7. Raisa

    Dear Red, I am a woman of 51 and I have experienced some hard knocks in this life. I lived with a man for 20 years whom I thought to be my soul-mate, “the one ” in terms of relationships, but it turned out to be hell, co-dependant abusive, both spiritually and physically. I have since left that relationship, I left my home, business, friends, dogs, you name it. I felt like a huge part of my life had been left behind. I have put those times behind me and I am wondering will I ever meet the one for me? Will I ever exerience true love in this life, as I have come to realize that I did not know how to love or be loved. I have been working very hard to love myself and others, and give back to the community as much as I can of my time and my love.
    Sincerely, Dreamer

  8. Barb Johnson

    Thank you Red for an enlightening response to this man’s question. I am very much in the same boat, only I’m the ‘other woman.’ I don’t want to put pressure on my man, but through your response to this gentleman, I see that it is the only way I will move forward in my life. The next time he shows up on my doorstep, I will talk to him about making a choice. I’m sure his wife is aware of our relationship, and the reason we haven’t seen each other often recently. Thanks again

  9. Chrissi

    I too was in this situation- I stayed with my husband- He was my first love, who I met at 16, was my first lover,and has since died, around a year and a bit ago- I am still with my husband, but I think he knows as I now find it very difficult to be as affectionate to him, or even make love, and he once actually asked me- I could not reply as I was so shocked as I’d never done anything about it while we were married, and we’d not seen each other for at least 25 years, as the last time his friend asked me to go with him to his place I was married so I ran scared, and refused to go I feel sometimes he is here with me though and may have decided that, as in life he’d look after me


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *