Unveil Your Happiness
Carla from East Hartford asks:
I divorced my husband after finding out he had an affair for two years while we were married. In the past eight months, we’ve been together again and trying to make it work, with a lot of difficulities. Did I make a mistake going back? Why can’t I just move forward without him?
Psychic Red ext. 9226 Responds:
Before I get into the nitty-gritty of your relationship, I have to bring up that you are one hurting and confused lady. This isn’t a criticism; it’s purely an observation. But, it is the most important issue that you need to address in order to find happiness, regardless of your relationship status. There is so much truth in the saying that you can’t find happiness in a relationship unless you’ve found happiness within yourself. All this pain and confusion that you are living with is overflowing into your relationship, which make your relationship that much more difficult.
I can’t say that trying to work things out with your ex is a mistake, because there is a strong karmic bond between the two of you. That always makes it harder to let go, even when everything logical tells you that you should. Having said that, let’s be honest about some other things regarding this relationship. During the course of your marriage, you weren’t happy even before you learned of his affair. His cheating was simply the catalyst and reason you needed to divorce. There were good things about your marriage, and there are good things about your ex, but does the good truly outweigh the bad in your perception? I keep getting a whopping “NO!”
Here’s the thing: Your ex is who he is. Who he is isn’t always the nicest guy, nor is he the guy who puts you and your well-being above all else. If that is acceptable to you, then you aren’t making a mistake with your efforts to reconcile. If you have a problem with that, then choosing to stick with him is the equivalent of you broadcasting that you believe you are unworthy of having a healthy, balanced relationship.
Carla, your friends and family may mean well, but between their good intentions and the information you give them to work with, it’s just not a good, unbiased support group. What you really need to do is schedule a few appointments, for yourself only, with a counselor or therapist. You really need someone you can talk to openly and honestly, whose only desire is to help you clear your head and find your balance and strength again. A few visits would bring about tremendous clarity for you, regarding your past and present. A few visits does not undo years of pain, but it will give you deeper understanding and the tools you need to keep yourself from falling back into the swirls of confusion. Combining traditional therapy with psychic advice is one heck of a powerful resource for you. Therapy can get your head straight, find your balance, and empower you; and psychic advice will add depth and explanations, and give you answers that a therapist can’t.
As a psychic, I can tell you that your ex husband isn’t the right guy for you, messes with your head, and batters your self-esteem. Sure, he offers a level of relationship security and keeps you from being alone, and helps out in some of the everyday life stuff, (when he chooses to, that is) and sometimes his words are pretty and convincing. Is that enough for you? Is that what you really want from a relationship? I keep seeing, “NO.” I also keep seeing you flip-flop from “no” to “yes” to “no”… which is why I so badly want you to see a therapist, because then you’ll understand and see what you are doing and why. Sure, I could tell you. Any other psychic could tell you. But a therapist will cause you to see it, understand it, and deal with it—and that is truly what you need.
Some of us “learn hard.” I understand that, because I am one such individual. Deep down, you are, too. When your confusion is cleared and you make a decision, it’s done, and you’ll stand behind it. But, when you’re emotionally beaten down and confused, your fear rises, and you seek support and guidance. However, it doesn’t have the same impact and creates more upheaval because you are missing that deeper level of truly understanding.
The key to your relationship is you. It isn’t about right or wrong, history, or outside opinions. It’s about how you feel, how he makes you feel, and what is right for you. I can sit here all day and tell you a thousand reasons why you struggle, that this isn’t the right man for you, and ultimately, the relationship will fail in several ways and arenas. But, all of that doesn’t do a darn bit of good unless you, at a core level of certainty, understand it and agree with it. So, prioritize. You and your well-being are #1, your ex #2, and the relationship #3. Get your head straight, and everything else will not only make sense, but fall in line. That frees you to be happy, and gives you the strength and ability to let go for real, or consciously choose to hold on.
Do you have a question for Red? Ask Red your question now.