Red Responds: Stop Playing it Safe in Love

Break Away from Repeating Patterns

Belinda from Hamburg asks:

I feel like I’m repeating the same patterns of falling for men that I eventually wind up having to take care of. I’m smart and independent, and I’m tired of taking care of others. I want a man to do the same for me. Yet, when I find men that are capable, I’m not attracted to them. Please help guide me. I’m currently in a relationship with someone I love, but I know is not good for me. What do I do?

Psychic Red ext. 9226 Responds:

Dear Belinda,

Recognizing that you are repeating a pattern is good, but you really need to spend some time thinking about why.

You have met some men who were equals, and a couple who were even a bit superior in some ways, with whom you could have built a deep relationship. But, you’re right—none of those men who have crossed your path inspired much more than a few passing thoughts with you. I’m really not seeing the chemistry, and without that spark—what’s the point really? So, hopefully, it will make you feel better having the validation that you really haven’t passed up any dynamic or remarkable relationship opportunities or experiences, yet. So, let go of those niggling memories and thoughts that sometimes weigh you down a bit, because the key word here, really is “yet.”

Those that you have loved, have needed you. While some of your relationships started out with more potential than others, the men you have chosen to open your life and your heart to have not been your equal, even though there are two who did shine with that potential.

Your current lover has a glimmer of potential, but truthfully, I question his ability to live up to it, as well as the ability of your relationship to sustain and flourish should he put in the work. I do believe you realize this, and have had a level of this understanding from the very beginning. What I’m not certain of, though, is that you clearly understand that you have a gift. You possess a fairly high level of active empathic ability, and you also very quickly see people’s highest potential. From friends to lovers, your abilities influence your choices. You are more inclined to align yourself with and open yourself to those who are in need, or are in pain. While you may understand that you are essentially a healer, you fail, by choice, to uphold your own desires and boundaries. It’s almost as if you invest and surrender so completely to the “project” in the early stages that you continually find yourself in the position of having improved the life and well-being of another; but not necessarily have gained anything yourself due to significant imbalances in the relationships and processes. That understanding, once you get there, does—and will continue—to effect the ultimate outcomes of your relationship choices.

I am very clearly and boldly going to state that you have been “playing it safe,” because you have been. Some part of you realizes that you have created a pattern in your relationships because of your need to nurture and heal others, as well as your need for safety. I’m not going to say that you “aim low”, but when it comes to your deeper love relationships, you tend to first fall for the potential, than the actual person. But, once it becomes clear that your partner isn’t going to strive to fulfill the heights of potential you have seen in them, you end up where you are now—with someone you do actually love, but who falls short of meeting your mental, emotional, physical and financial needs. This causes a repeat cycle of you having to evaluate the pros and cons of the relationship, and ultimately, decide the best way to “get out of it.” You really don’t want to hurt anyone, and because of that, this looks like a pretty long and draining cycle.

In 2013, you will be facing a very significant choice, so prepare yourself. You will have to decide if you want to proceed with the man who wants to help elevate you, or the one whom you can elevate. While both paths have their pros and cons, one is in line with your history and the other is even scarier, because it’s a level playing field from the beginning, without the sacrifice of flaming chemistry. You can play it safe by letting history repeat, or you can forge ahead into new territory—which comes with bigger risks and no iron-clad guarantees.

When the time comes, trust your instincts, because they won’t lead you astray—but against your sense of logic, they may lead you to break the cycle you have been living in.

I hope this helps you.

Brightest Blessings,


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3 thoughts on “Red Responds: Stop Playing it Safe in Love

  1. Ellesbelle

    Im holding my hand up to this dilema as well, omg what is it with us woman who feel the need to nurture every man that comes into their life ,, thank god im healing from this now ,, for the first time in my ault life I canhonestly say i dont need anyone to look affter anymore ,, I was married for 31 years and was his mother a lot of the time ,, how hard was that for me ,,I had every animal u could think of to look after mm my family siblings , parents they all took off me , now Im alone and ther is noone there for me ,, but im looking at it aws a blesing for now Im able to give a realtionship a healthy start knowing I love myself and he will be part of my life on equal ground not me being the mum ,,, never again im free thank god

  2. elisabeth

    dear red i sent you a very good ??? & i am still waiting 2 here back from you & i even sent out another email request 2 you because o do not know what 2 do !! If you are dealing with a sickness or any other kind of medical sickness that you do not have NO control over & that you will be eventurally GET better from , because i have dealt with lupes all my life and I will survive to tell & share my story with the next victim … & i am a strong & independant single mom who does not need A man for my finances !! BUT Should you date or worrying about the luv dept ?? or wait until you get better … i suffer from lupes & i am going through cancer now ?? & they found a tumor in my throat … and my IS this my ?? Should i continue 2 date IF i started dating THE some one before i got sick OR not ?? i could really use your help Red & thank you very much & as always for your wisdom & your advice !! elisabeth from ga ( :


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