Should I Take Her Back?
Michelle from Australia asks:
I was in a lesbian relationship for 14 months with a woman who was 12 yrs my junior—I am 38 and she is 26. Well my best friend decided to interfere with my relationship and had an affair with my girlfriend while we were still together. We broke up 4 months ago. Since the breakup they are now engaged to be married, yet my ex texts me and tells me she still loves me. I have spoken face to face with her and she says she is lost, angry, frustrated, confused, etc., yet stays in this relationship but wants to still see me. Her current girlfriend hates us talking so my ex talks and texts me when she’s not around. What should I do… stay and wait or walk and move on?
Psychic Red ext. 9226 Responds:
Your ex-girlfriend isn’t kidding when she says she is lost and confused. She really is. It’s hard not to feel bad for her, because she was the piece of rope in some game of invisible tug-o-war.
You’re “best friend” has always had some jealousy issues when it comes to you. Naturally, she first started eyeballing your girlfriend like she was a potential victory or prize. Your ex is a great girl, but your friend’s initial attraction was because she was yours, not because she is who she is. This wasn’t some love-at-first-sight deal, or things just happened to develop—your friend had a plan. Unfortunately, she executed it successfully.
Even though you surrendered to a younger woman, there wasn’t a big generation gap, because you have this earthy, motherly side to you. And I mean “motherly” as in you take care of things; not the “matronly” sense of the word. You tend to help people along their way, set them right and find their path. While this is a beautiful quality, it doesn’t always make for the easiest relationships with friends or lovers. Case in point, any friend who would betray you with your lover is no friend at all.
Your ex-girlfriend still has feelings for you, but she’s not presenting as being deeply in love with you. She misses you terribly, though, and does question her decisions.
Your ex-friend is much more possessive and jealous, so she keeps your ex-lover on a fairly tight leash. Even though it’s hard and hurts, do yourself a favor, and distance yourself from the drama and games. Keeping in touch (secretly in touch) with your ex helps her a bit, but I’m not seeing what good comes of it for you. And, if you keep it up, your ex-friend will find out about it, and there will be drama for all of you. It just looks like more pain and stress for you.
I’m sorry you got hurt. I’m also sorry about what could have been between your ex-lover and yourself. But, you can’t go back, and you very much deserve to move forward with someone who loves you for all that you are. That’s not your ex, so it is time to let her go. She’ll flounder and falter, but that is her path to walk. Yours heads in another direction, and you will find love and nurturing in the arms of another—one who is strong enough to hold on, and smart enough to never let go.
I hope this helps you.
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