Ariel from San Francisco, California asks:
Last year I had everything going for me: a new home, a loving man, a music career and a baby on the way. Then I lost the baby and everything became foggy, financially unstable and lacking in inspiration. Now, a year later I still can’t seem to get back on my feet with my career. I haven’t written anything in over a year, I’ve stopped playing and performing and we’ve stopped planning for a family. I was at a crossroads between major success and settling down and now I can’t seem to find my way. I am an empowered, optimistic woman who has overcome the loss of a child. Still, I’m not sure if I should continue to pursue a music career, even though it’s what I love. Should I drop it all and try and find a different career? How do I kick-start my life again?
Psychic Red ext. 9226 Responds:
Losing a child is probably the most traumatic event a woman can experience, and I am so sorry that you have gone through such an ordeal. But, just because you’ve learned how to deal with your loss and have come to a place of peace relative to the whole experience, doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve OVERCOME your loss. You are a pretty fiery-spirited lady; while you’re feminine and soft, you’re also tough. You have been blessed with the gift of mental compartmentalization, because that’s more or less how things have been unfolding for you over the recent months. (Just as an FYI, let go of the remnants of guilt you still hold over your baby. You conceived an energy that wasn’t ready to manifest, but that in no way takes away from the fact that you’ve got that earthy energy that always makes for an amazing mom.) Even a comfy, couch-adhered, bon-bon eating, no-major-responsibilities-mother-to-be often questions if actually giving birth is the best course of action for that particular time in life. You wouldn’t be human if you didn’t have a couple of moments when you wondered about your choices, and considered the changes and sacrifices that comes with a new baby. It’s quite normal, but seldom talked about. Just keep in mind, guilt is heavy. While it isn’t always obvious, it’s still powerful, so do your best to let it go.
Talent such as yours never truly goes away. Find some peace in knowing that your musical career is still bright and shiny, and still ahead of you. Accept that you’re not the same person you once were. (Not a criticism, just an observation.) Without that fire and passion that once oozed from every pore, you presently are more likely to have a challenging time in the entertainment industry. While you never ruled out fame and fortune, it was passion and the love of the craft that fueled you. That passion is what will bring it all back together for you. You don’t have that sparkle right now, but that’s okay. You still have plenty of time to make your mark in the musical world, and you will, just not right now. A year or two, and we’re looking at a whole different picture. You’ll know when the time is right, because it will become a need, whereas now it is simply an option. It’s kind of the difference between being good, and being great. You know you were always pulled toward greatness, so don’t screw up by settling for good now, or you’ll regret it. By no means am I saying to drop it; music is in you, a part of you. I’m merely suggesting that you don’t make it your primary focus or professional goal at the moment. Simply work when you feel the calling, and rest when you don’t.
You’re life has changed, but it hasn’t actually stalled out. It’s harder to kick-start something that’s already running. You just need to stop running in circles. Now is the time to explore your other interests to pass the time. Teaching, coaching, public speaking, sales and real estate all come through as avenues that will bring you cash, the sensation of success, and widen your social circle. While the monetary success you will achieve in any of these arenas is nice to say the least, the personal benefits are truly what will free you, making you feel in control and truly alive once again.
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