Michelle from Monroe asks:
Dear Red, I’m married to a man who I think is “strange.” There are several reasons for this thinking, and I do love him, but I wonder if he’s homosexual. Certainly nothing wrong with being so, I would just rather not be married to a man who struggles with his sexuality, or is only in the marriage, because he feels guilty about his sexual preferences. Sex with him is alright, as I feel free to express my sexuality—freely. However, I long for someone stronger—at the same time, I would not trust a new man around my children. I want to be married. I’m just not sure about my husband, especially if he’s gay. Help me, please. Signed, Desperate
Psychic Red ext. 9226 Responds:
Your husband certainly does seem to have some stronger feminine qualities to him, and does find some men very attractive, he doesn’t present as a man who is actually gay. Intrigued, maybe, but not gay.
Your husband does seem to struggle often with his sexuality, but not because he wants to explore a gay lifestyle. He actually seems a little repressed when it comes to his sexuality—both in the heterosexual and homosexual arenas. While he seems to be somewhat fascinated by gay culture, he isn’t desiring to live a gay lifestyle. It seems as if he has some notion that he’s actually a bit of a misfit—sexually and otherwise.
While your marriage looks like it’s stable, it also looks like it’s a bit stale. This naturally encourages you to consider the potential of finding a new partner, and that seems to send your husband off into a more voyeuristic arena—but neither of you seem to want to initiate any big or permanent changes.
If you want to end your marriage because you are discontent, that is within your power. However, if you should decide to leave your husband, do so knowing that he will find another woman to spend his life with, not another man.
It is very natural to be concerned or fearful of bringing a new man around your children. Heck, that’s just being a responsible parent. However, I really don’t see you allowing yourself to become deeply involved with a man you could not trust enough to bring around your children. Nor do you present as one who would permit any casual lovers to spend time in your home with your kids.
Your husband isn’t going to grow into the stronger, passionate, take-care-of-business man you dream about. He’s just going to continue to be him, and will remain your husband until you decide to bring your marriage to an end.
I hope this helps you.
Do you have a question for Red? Ask Red your question now.